


time moves on with the seasons

by Halos_Boat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Architect Louis, Established Relationship, Exes to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Model Harry, Smut, quite a bit of it, they kinda share that really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 62,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23478652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halos_Boat/pseuds/Halos_Boat
Summary: The one where Harry leaves for a year and when he comes back, everything between him and Louis change and not for the better.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 109





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this fic is a lot. As in a hell of a lot happens and I hope I portrayed it well enough for it to make sense and be enjoyable. 
> 
> A good part of this is based on personal experiences and a lot of those experiences were stupid decisions.
> 
> ANYWAYS...
> 
> As always, its a happy ending for Larry because they deserve that. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Thank you for reading x

They have their first kiss when Louis is eighteen and Harry is seventeen. It's messy; there's too much of tongue and their teeth clank together but by the end of it, they're laughing into each other's mouths.

It probably should have been awkward, considering the fact they've been best friends since they were thirteen and twelve but it's not. At least, not in the way Louis thought it would be.

It's awkward in a sense that it's new for both of them but it feels right. It's Harry's birthday when it happens. They're meant to be at the party they're throwing for him downstairs but he insisted on bringing Louis upsatirs to 'show him something'. Then, once the door closed behind Louis, he's being pushed against and kissed senseless.

It takes only a second for Louis to kiss back, just as Harry is pulling away. He grabs Harry by his collar and Harry practically melts into him.

It doesn't last too long, and it's messy, like Louis said. But it's perfect. He's finally kissing a person he's had a crush on for the past three years of his life. He's on cloud nine.

"You kissed me," Louis whispers, once they're apart.

There's a wolfish smile on Harry's face. "You kissed me back."

"I did," Louis grins widely, "I've been wanting to do that for ages."

"Really?" Harry pulls back, surprised.

"Yeah," Louis says bashfully, "why--- why did you do it?"

Harry's smile falls a bit. "Because I've had a crush on you for ages, of course."

Louis is taken back by how blunt Harry is being and neither of them has had even a drop of alcohol. Not yet, at least. Then again, Harry's always been opened about the way he feels.

"It was killing me not to say or do anything about it," Harry confesses.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Louis can't help but wonder.

"You were with George, remember?" Harry asks, looking sheepish but simultaneously upset about it.

"I mean--- I just--- I didn't think you'd like me back so I just... went out with the first guy who paid attention to me," Louis admits.

Harry is a popular person at school. He makes friends easily, being a social butterfly, and he just has a way with people. It's his charm that's hidden behind that dimpled smile and curly hair.

Of course, Louis is quite popular too, if he does say so himself. Between being part of the debate team and footie team, he's apparently quite likeable. Harry always says it's because Louis is funny. He always laughs at Louis' jokes so Louis chooses to believe that.

"I was convinced you weren't interested in me at all when you went out with him," Harry says quietly, eyes on the floor.

Louis tilts his chin up. "I'm really crazy about you. I promise you, I am."

A smile spreads across his face again, his dimples deep and eyes twinkling.

"You're going to uni soon, you know," Harry mumbles, hands resting on Louis' chest, "so I couldn't hold it back any longer."

"I'm glad you didn't," Louis takes a hold of his hands, intertwining their fingers, "this doesn't feel real."

Harry leans forward, capturing his lips again. This time, its softer and less clumsy. Louis can only move his lips against Harry's again, their hands still intertwined.

"It's real," Harry says, pulling away, cheeks pink, "and I'm so happy you feel the same way--- you do feel the same way, don't you?"

"Depends. What do you feel?" Louis asks, shy again.

"I feel like we could be good together," Harry says quickly, like he's scared to say it out loud, "and you?"

"I feel like I want to take you out on a date," Louis bites his lip, "and I kind of want to kiss you again."

Harry's grin grows. Louis didn't even think it could grow wider. "I kind of want to go out on a date with you," he says, stepping even further into Louis' space, "and I really want to kiss you again too."

Louis lets go of Harry's fingers, in favour of placing them on Harry's waist tentatively. Harry's breath stutters, the warmth of it spreading over Louis' mouth. Harry's hands snake around Louis' neck before their lips meet and they're kissing again.

They still smile into each other's mouth and they stumble a bit. It's still perfect. They spend over half an hour in Harry's room, just making out, hands timid over each others bodies, making sure they don't cross any boundaries.

It's only when Niall yells out for them that they separate, a string of saliva between them, breathing heavy over each other.

"Harry, where the fuck are you?" Niall asks, banging on the door. "This is your party, you know?"

Harry squeezes his eyes shut briefly. "Y-yeah," he clears his throat, "I'll be out in a minute."

Louis grins, pecking him once, then twice and thrice. Harry smiles, nudging their noses together causing them both to giggle.

"Oh god, is Louis in there with you?" He gasps. "Are you two fucking?" He asks, tone far too happy.

"No," Louis replies, "just give us a minute, yeah?"

Niall cackles. "I knew it," he cheers, "see you downstairs, boys. And make sure you're both decent, yeah?"

Harry huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. "Guess we have to go downstairs then."

"Have to share you with everyone else now," Louis pouts.

"Even in that room full of people, I'll still be looking at only you," Harry says, cheeks turning pink.

Louis ignores the heat spreading over his own cheeks. "You're already so sappy," he mumbles.

"I just like to make you blush," Harry teases, kissing his cheek and pulling away. Louis immediately misses his warmth. "Let's go downstairs then?"

"Yeah," Louis exhales, "let's."

They walk downstairs to join everyone else with their fingers intertwined. When their mums see them together, they both smile at them then at each other. It doesn't help that they both probably look like they fucked already.

But neither of them really care. Louis is just happy to have Harry there beside him, right where he belongs. It feels perfect.

*

They have a pretty standard first date as far as standard first dates go. They kissed when Harry dropped Louis off at his home.

He felt a little embarrassed at first, about not having his own car to take Harry out on a date, since he was the one who asked Harry. But Harry said he didn't really care and he let Louis drive them there, just so Louis could stop feeling so bad about it.

He knows how to drive, see, but his family only has two cars that they split between his mum and dad. His dad takes him and Lottie to school before going to work while his mum takes his three younger sisters. Though recently, he's been going to school with Harry.

Harry's family are a little more... well-off, he would say. They got Harry a car for his sixteenth birthday for God's sake and he can't even have his drivers license yet.

One would never say that Harry comes from a wealthy family though, given how humble and down-to-earth he is. It's one of the many things Louis admires about him.

Louis insists on paying for their dinner though and Harry lets him. Mostly because Harry knows it's pointless to argue with Louis once his mind is made up about something.

They're still a little shy and timid about everything at first but they fall into it pretty quickly and it's like Louis can't even remember who they were before this. Before the kissing, the cuddling, the holding hands and stuff.

Every moment with Harry is intense. Even if they do something as silly as locking pinkies over the table, he feels it right in his bones and to his core. His tummy fills with butterflies when Harry so much as looks at him.

The best thing about this now is that Louis can actually do something about it. He can reach over and kiss Harry's cheek when he looks at Louis, he can bring Harry's hand to his mouth when their fingers are interlocked. It's wonderful, really.

Their parents are beyond thrilled that they got together. Their reactions were "finally, god" and "took you two long enough."

Niall's and Liam's reactions are more or less the same. Niall keeps pestering them with inappropriate questions, asking whether or not they fucked almost every single time they see him. The child needs help. He's too obsessed with other people's sex lives.

They haven't though. Not yet, at least. Louis doesn't think either of them are ready to take that step yet but they will get there soon, Louis is sure of it.

Liam, on the other hand, keeps asking them how they didn't realise it sooner because apparently everybody else around them were dying, waiting for them to get together.

Louis can't answer that. They were just being oblivious teenagers, he supposes. But they're passed that now and that's all that matters.

The first few months are incredible with Harry. Harry is everything he's hoped for and more. When Louis is studying for his finals, Harry is always there, helping him with flashcards, making sure he eats properly, rewarding him, whether it was with kisses or _other_ things. He's really the perfect boyfriend.

They finally declare their boyfriend status one month after they'd gone out. Not that they really needed it; they weren't too big on labels anyways. But it did feel good to call Harry his boyfriend.

Things start to get a little rocky when Louis going to uni is mentioned. They were so caught up in the _la vie en rose_ of their relationship that they hadn't even thought about the fact that Louis is going to be going to uni in a few months.

It's nothing drastic. They just both become a little hesitant with one another. None of them wanting to bring it up. Louis is sure it's because Harry doesn't want to make either one of them sad.

But they inevitably do talk about it. It's after one of Louis' exams and Harry picks him up from school to take him home. When they get to Louis' house, Harry doesn't make a move to get out of the car.

"Love?" Louis asks, perplexed.

"Where do you see us going, Louis?" He asks, his eyes on his lap, glued on his fiddling hands.

"What?" Louis blinks, surprised by the abruptness of it.

"Us--- do you--- do you still want to be with me? Like, when you go into uni and stuff."

"I---" he doesn't know why he hesitates because _of course_ he does. He wants to the spend the rest of his life with Harry. He doesn't care if it's too soon to think about stuff like that.

Harry's face falls, eyes snapping up to look at Louis. "Is this just some passing relationship for you?" He asks, eyes filling with tears.

"No, no," Louis moves quickly, grabbing Harry's hands from his lap and into Louis' that he thankfully does not pull away, "god, no, Harry. You're not a passing relationship, Jesus."

Harry sniffs. "Then what? What do you want from this?"

"I don't want us to break up," Louis says, the thought causing a turmoil in his stomach, "I want to be with you--- you know how much you mean to me."

"You're going to uni though and I'll be left alone here in this boring old town," Harry mumbles, "you're going to find someone more interesting once you go to uni."

"More interesting than Harry Styles? I hardly think so," Louis says, smiling softly, "I don't even know if I'm getting into uni, you know?"

"Of course you will. You're so smart, Lou. You're going to become a big shot architect, just watch," Harry smiles.

And Harry--- god, he's always been so supportive of Louis. From playing footie to indulging his dream of becoming an architect.

"I love you," Louis blurts out, without a second thought.

Harry's face contorts into something that's shock but also relief. He leaps forward, cupping Louis' face and kissing him senseless.

Louis smiles, pulling away from him. "Look, even if I do get into uni, I'm not going to leave you behind. I want to be with you."

"You do?" Harry asks, looking touched.

"I do," Louis confirms, "and besides, it'll only be a year, yeah? Then you can join me at uni and we can be together."

Harry's grins falters a bit. "I don't even know if _I'll_ get into uni," he mumbles, "but I do know that I want to be with you."

"Hey, don't say that," Louis smoothes out the furrow between his brows, "you're a smart cookie," he kisses his forehead.

Harry smiles softly, playing with the long strands of Louis' hair at the back of his head. "Where do you want to apply to?"

"Manchester, Oxford and Cambridge. Maybe Birmingham."

Harry's eyes widen slightly. "Jesus, Lou. Those aren't very easy to get into."

"I know," he winces, "which is why I'm trying not to get my hopes up."

Harry shakes his head. "No, that's not what I mean. For you, it'll be easy but for me... I'm not sure I can get into those universities."

Louis hates when he doubts himself like this. Harry is one of the smartest people he knows. Your marks and grades in school don't define your intelligence, not to Louis. He knows of some top A students who are as dumb as a bag of rocks when it comes to things like common sense.

"Then name the university you think you'll get into and I'll go there," Louis says.

"Louis, no," he says firmly, "apply to those places, okay? I'll--- I'll work towards getting there. I'll work really hard."

Louis kisses him again, just because he can.

"I'd follow you to the ends of the earth if I can, you know?" Harry says quietly.

"I know. You know I would do the same, yeah? All you have to do is say the word."

Harry smiles happily, hugging him tightly, tucking his face into Louis' neck.

"This feels surreal," Harry mumbles against his neck, "I didn't know I could love someone this much."

Louis' heart stutters. His cheeks heat up. Slowly, he pulls away from Harry, searching his face. "You love me?"

Harry frowns. "Of course I do. Did --- I didn't say it back," he gasps in realisation then barks out a laugh, "I'm sorry, I love you too."

Louis looks down bashfully, feeling Harry place a kiss on his forehead.

"We'll make it work, yeah?" Louis reassures him, pecking his lips sweetly.

"We will," Harry says with earnest, "long distance is hard but not impossible."

"Exactly," Louis kisses his nose. Harry grins at him.

"Can I come upstairs with you?" Harry asks, biting on his bottom lip.

"Yeah. You gonna stay for supper?"

Harry nods eagerly. Louis laughs.

"Come on then, let's go."

They walk into Louis' house, Harry's hand in his, feeling like they can conquer the whole world if they just have each other.

*

The day before Louis leaves to university, Harry is trying his hardest not to start bawling, Louis can tell. He's curled up practically into Louis, clinging to him like Louis will disappear if he doesn't.

"Haz, it'll be okay, baby. I'll call you all the time, yeah?" Louis soothes, rubbing up and down his spine.

"Everyday," Harry insists, looking up at him with wide, shining doe eyes.

Louis sighs, moving a piece of hair from his forehead and tucking it behind his ear. "Everyday," he promises, sealing it with a kiss.

"And you'll visit as much as you can?" Harry asks, propping his chin on Louis' chest.

"Of course I will. And whenever you can too, yeah?"

Harry nods. "I'm gonna tell people I'm visiting my uni boyfriend," he smiles.

Louis snorts. "Yeah and I'll make sure to get you a hoodie. University merch."

Harry's eyes light up. "Seriously? Oh my god that would be so sick."

"Yeah, seriously," Louis laughs softly at how excited Harry looks.

"I won't take it off if you get me one," Harry says, very seriously.

"Babe, it's gonna stink," Louis says.

"I don't care. Oh--- you can wear it first for a few days and then give it to me so it smells like you, okay?"

"Fine. But what do I get of yours?"

"Was my virginity not enough?"

"Harry," Louis scolds, scandalized, "that doesn't count you got mine too."

"Tit for tat," he giggles, flicking Louis' nipple.

Louis hisses, batting his hand away. "Harry, come on, I'm serious. What do I get from you?"

Harry sighs, kissing his chest. "I don't know. What do you want?"

Louis bites his lip in thought. "I need two things, technically, because you have my footie jersey too."

Harry huffs. "Louis."

"Okay, fine. Hmm... I want that beanie of yours--- the maroon one," Louis says decisively, "and I want a letter."

"A letter?" Harry asks, eyebrows knitted together.

"Yeah. A letter from you," he says.

"Saying what?"

"I don't know, how much you love me and stuff," Louis smiles mishiveously, "how much you miss me."

"Okay," Harry says softly, "open it when you're at uni though, okay?"

"Okay," Louis agrees easily, "now would you give me more kisses please?"

Harry laughs, shaking his head before straddling Louis' waist and leaning down, connecting their lips together instantly.

*

The first few months are hard. They're really, really fucking hard. Louis misses Harry so much sometimes, he feels like can't breathe properly. Maybe that's not the best thing but he can't help it. Harry is his whole fucking world.

They see each other a total of three times in first four months. From two people that saw each other everyday, to barely seeing each other in a month, it's a hard thing to adjust to.

They manage to see each other a little bit more as month four, five and six come along but it doesn't make it any easier.

Louis is glad that Liam is with him in Manchester University otherwise he would have lost his mind by now. They're staying on the university residence for now and it's a weird thing to adjust to too.

He's away from his family and he has to fend for himself now. So far, he's only learnt how to make pot noodles and cheese toasties. It's not the worst thing to survive on.

Getting a full scholarship here was what convinced Louis to choose this university. He'd gotten one at Birmingham too but decided to go with Manchester, since it's closer to home. To Harry.

Harry, being in his last year now, gets busier by the days. It's evident with the way his eyes are a little droopy and his skin looks pale while his hair is greasy. He looks gorgeous.

"You look knackered, love," Louis comments, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up to him.

"I studied last night and the night before," Harry explains, adjusting the University of Manchester hoodie that he has on. Louis smiles at that.

Ever since he got the hoodie from Louis four months ago, he hasn't stopped wearing it. It was a shit expensive thing to get but it was worth it to see the smile on his face.

"You're really pushing it, aren't you?" Louis frowns.

"I am," he bites his lip, "I'm---"

"You're what?" Louis asks curiously, tone gentle.

Harry looks at him, eyes hesitant. "I'm actually thinking about taking a gap year when I'm done."

That's--- that's the first Louis has heard of anything like that. His frown deepens. "What?"

"I know this wasn't the plan but," he sighs, playing with the strings of the hoodie, "I'm so lost with what I want to do with my life."

Louis tries to tell himself not to respond to his anger or disappointment immediately. He exhales, straightening up on his bed.

"H, I'm sure youll figure it out once you're here. You can do a general bachelor's degree for your first year till you decide what you really want to do."

Harry sighs. "I've thought about that, Lou. I just," he chews on his bottom lip, "I don't know if I'm ready for uni yet. I just want some time to figure things out for myself first."

"What," Louis swallows, "what does that mean for us then? Do you want to still come and stay here?"

"I don't want anything to happen to us," Harry says quickly, "all I'm saying is that I don't think I want to start uni immediately."

Louis bites on the inside of his cheek. "What do you want to do then?"

"Not sure yet. I've always wanted to travel though," he says quietly.

"You want to travel?" Louis repeats, feeling sick to his stomach. It's just--- he's never mentioned all of this before.

The plan is--- _was_ \--- that Harry applies here and he and Louis stay together and study together and live their lives together. Now--- now Harry wants to take a gap year. What does that mean for their relationship?

"Yeah, I mean, maybe," he shrugs, "it's just an idea."

"How long have you felt that way?" Louis asks, "because it's halfway through the year already."

"You're getting upset," Harry sighs, "look, I'll be there next weekend and we can talk more about this in person, yeah?"

Louis opens his mouth, about to protest, but Harry cuts him off.

"Please, Louis," he begs, "I want to be there with you when we talk about this."

Reluctantly, Louis purses his lips and gives him a short nod.

"I love you," he says, adams apple bobbing in his throat.

"I love you," Louis says back, because he's not cruel and he _does_ love him, even if he isn't Harrys biggest fan right now.

Harry smiles tightly before hanging up. Louis exhales shakily, uncertainty aching in his bones. He just feels blindsided by this whole thing. He has so many questions. What changed Harry's mind? When did that happen? Why didn't he tell Louis sooner? What is going to happen to them now? What does he want to do after his gap year? If he does still want to be with Louis, will they survive? Especially if Harry decides to travel, it won't be easy.

He has bigger things to worry about right now though. One being studying for a test he has to write in two days.

*

They kind of lose themselves in the bedroom when Harry does come to visit, much to Liam's dismay. The spend the whole first day Harry is there with and in each other. His love is addictive, what can Louis say?

It's only the next morning while they're munching on leftover cold pizza that Louis brings it up.

Harry's head is on his shoulder while he chews on some pizza and the box is placed on both of their thighs, pressed together.

"So, a gap year, huh?" Louis asks, holding his breath.

He feels Harry stop chewing, the weight of his head lifting. He wipes his hands on the sheets (Louis will find time to scold him for that later), and places the box aside, facing Louis. Harry takes a hold of Louis' hands. Suddenly, Louis feels like he's being set up to take bad news. The 'it's not you, it's me' speech.

"I want to take a gap year when I'm done," he says again.

"Right," Louis swallows, "for how long exactly, did you want this?"

"I don't know. I think a part of me has wanted this for a while," he reveals, "but I only realised it a few months ago."

"Months ago? And you didn't tell me until now?"

"Louis, I didn't know what I wanted. I was scared. I had to figure some things out first before I told you."

Louis sighs. "Okay, um, what do you plan on doing then? Do you want to get a job? Are you staying here? You could move in with Liam and I until we find our own place or y---"

"Louis," Harry cuts him ramble off with a small laugh, "I want to go out--- of here, I mean."

"Uh, we could go to that pub on sixth?" Louis suggests, confused.

"No, no, I mean, I want to go and travel--- out of the UK," he says unsurely.

Louis inhales sharply. He was afraid of this. "You wanna travel, right. You said that."

"I did," Harry says quietly, "and I do. I think it'll be good for me."

"Okay," Louis takes a deep breath, "where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking Europe--- Like maybe start with Amsterdam?" He says with a small smile on his face. "Mum and dad think it's a good idea so they're going to help me pay along with the money I get from the bakery of course."

"Okay," Louis says again, unsure of what else to say, "where... where do you us going then? If you're going to be travelling for a year?"

"I don't want us to end," Harry says desperately, "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Louis softens at that. He squeezes Harry's hands in his. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me too," he says honestly, "so what do you suggest we do then?"

Harry huffs. "I know long distance is hard. And I'm not--- if you don't want to do it, I understand--- but I think we should try it."

"A whole year, huh?" Louis asks, the thought making him sick to his stomach. He's missed Harry so much during these past few months, is the thing. How is he going to do a whole year without him?

"I'll come and see you whenever I can. Or you can see me. Hey," his eyes widen, "do you want to come with me?"

Louis' heart leaps to his throat. He entertains the idea for only a few seconds before shaking his head. "I can't, love. I have my degree to finish."

"You can take a year off with me," he says, shifting closer to Louis, "it could be fun."

Louis lets out a shaky breath. "As much as I would like that, I'm kind of happy where I am right now, with studying and stuff, I mean."

"Really?" Harry seems disappointed.

"Besides, I wouldn't have the money to go and you know I can't accept any from you or your parents."

Harry pouts, shoulders dropping. "I know," he mumbles.

"I'm just... this is all so weird to me, H. You've never mentioned any of this before, like, I didn't even know you wanted to travel so much."

Harry shrugs sheepishly. "I guess I felt kind of stupid for thinking about it. I mean, here you are, on a full scholarship for architecture for God's sake, and then there's me..."

Louis pulls Harry closer until hes cupping his face. "Harry Styles you are one of the smartest people I know and that is a fact, okay? Please don't doubt that. You're going to do amazing, in whatever you do decide to eventually study, okay?"

Harry's eyes still look a little sad, a little apprehensive and another emotion Louis can't quite depict. He nods though, leaping forward in Louis' arms, straddling him and hugging him tightly, face tucked into his neck like it always is.

Louis kisses his bare shoulder then his hair. God, he misses the way Harry smells so much. It's such a weird thing to miss, Louis is sure, but it's one of his favourite things about Harry.

God, is there anything of Harry's that he doesn't like?

"I love you, Louis," he mumbles, his nose cold on Louis' warm skin, "thank you for being so supportive of me for this."

Louis nods just as Harry pulls back, sniffing. "You would do the same for me," Louis says. And it's the truth. There's no doubt in Louis' mind that if it were Louis who wanted this, Harry would support him one hundred percent.

"Of course, I would. I belive in you," Harry kisses his forehead delicately, "I'll come and stay here for the holidays before you leave, yeah? We'll have over a month together, just us two."

"Yeah?" Louis asks, grinning at him.

"Yeah," Harry presses their foreheads together, "I want and I need to get as much of you as possible."

Louis gulps, running his hands down the knobs of Harrys spine. "You'll always have all of me," he whispers.

Harry smiles gently. "I'll always be yours."

Louis kisses him hard, like it's the last time he'll get to do it. It's going to be so fucking hard, Louis knows this already. He's seen so many friends go through long distance and it barely lasted two months before they decided to break it off because they wanted to physically be there with the person and the fact that they couldn't drove them nuts.

He has a good feeling that being away from Harry in such long periods of time will also drive him a little nuts. As it is, he can barely survive only seeing him a few times in a few months.

He doesn't know how he's going to cope not seeing Harry at all for months at a time. Realistically, Harry won't be able to see Louis every month and neither can Louis see him. Money being the biggest factor in the equation.

They're going to have to survive on grainy Skype calls and sloppy phone sex. It's not very different to what they have now except that it kind of is.

"Louis," Harry pulls back, stroking Louis' cheekbone, "we'll be okay, yeah?"

Louis nods but it feels like somehow his whole world is going to come crashing down. "I'm going to miss you so fucking much," he breathes out, "I already do," he chuckles wetly.

"I know, babe," Harry presses a kiss to his temple, "I'm going to miss you too. But it'll only be for a year, yeah? Then I'll be back and we can stay together, be together properly, right?"

"Of course," Louis says instantly, "I can't wait to start our lives together. You're it for me, H."

It's something big to admit and it shouldn't be taken lightly. They've been together for just over a year now so Louis feels like it's okay to say it out loud.

Judging by Harry's huge smile, he'd say he made the right decision. He leans forward again to kiss Louis tenderly and they fall back into bed with each other again.

*

For the Summer holidays, Harry comes over to stay with him and Liam. They have fun, needless to say and Harry even invites Niall over a few times to join them whenever they'd go out.

Louis learns that Niall is going back to Ireland to study, since it'll be easier because most of his family is there. Louis is a little bummed about it because Niall is one of his best mates after all. He can't help but feel like too much is changing all at once.

There seems to be a bit of a stormy cloud that hangs over Harry and Louis while they spend time together. It's not like it affects their time together per se, it's just that there are moments where Louis lets his mind wander and he overthinks.

Like when Harry had brought up getting his ticket to go to Amsterdam and the excitement that shone through his features. Louis had just smiled back and given him a kiss.

It's hard to ignore sometimes. Harry is so excited the closer they get to him leaving and Louis feels more and more dread take over. He knows that he agreed to be supportive and he really is trying his best but it's just that, sometimes it seems like Harry isn't even sad about leaving.

All the time, actually. The only time he'd ever shown that he'll miss Louis is when they'd been on a sex high and he rambled on about he's going to miss that the most about them. It was a joke, of course, and Louis knew that. But it still stung a little, especially now, considering the fact that he hadn't even spoken about it again.

And the worst part of all of it is that he gets a glimpse into the future he imagines with Harry. One where they're living together, where he wakes up to Harry humming softly in their kitchen while he makes breakfast, late night cuddles on the couch, lazy morning sex, sweet kisses and tight cuddles.

It's honestly like torture for Louis. He wants that so fucking badly and he's going to have to wait a whole fucking year to get it. He's going to wait for his boyfriend to settle down with him properly while his boyfriend is off galivanting with his new foreign friends and getting high every second day.

God, he hates all of it. He hates the fact that Harry could find someone way more interesting than Louis. Someone who's as spontaneous and adventurous as him, who wants to live life on edge constantly and maybe they could be taller than Louis too. Louis wonders if Harry ever prefers to have someone taller than him.

It's silly insecurities that creep up on him when he's least expecting it and the closer they get to the day Harry leaves, the harder it is to ignore. So of course, Harry notices that Louis is being withdrawn and asks him about it.

Louis brushes it off at first, saying that it's nothing really and he's just tired but Harry reads him like a book so he knows that it's bullshit. He doesn't push it though, which Louis is thankful for.

It isn't until it's a week and a half before Harry is leaving that Louis finally snaps. They're in the lounge together, absently watching _Cake Boss_ because Harry insisted he wanted to, when Harry starts talking about an intinary for Amsterdam and all the other places he wants to visit.

Apparently after Amsterdam, he wants to go to Italy, then France and maybe he'll end with Germany but he's not sure about that part yet. It seems like an awful lot of places to go to but he supposes in the long run, it probably isn't. It's twelve months after all. Jesus, it's fucking twelve months.

"Are you going to miss me at all?" Louis blurts out in the middle of Harry's talking. He hates how insecure he sounds about it.

Harry freezes, looking at Louis intently before turning his body to face him. "Of course I am, Lou. How can you even ask that?"

"Because we've spent almost two months together and you haven't even said it once. You never said that you'll miss me while you're gone or that you'll miss us," he sputters over his words because he's opened a floodgate and now they won't stop flowing.

Harry's eyes turn sad. "I don't want to think about it, Lou. That's the only reason I haven't brought it up much. It makes me sad to even think about it."

"Oh, but somehow, talking about going away for a whole year and how excited you are about it doesn't make you sad? It doesn't make you think, 'hey I'm going to be away from my boyfriend for a whole year'?"

Harry frowns at him. "Where is all of this coming from, Louis? I thought you were being supportive of me."

That's not fucking fair. "Thats not fair," he voices out, "I am being supportive. I'm just saying that I can't help but feel a little neglected right now."

Harry huffs, nostrils flaring like he's agitated. Like he has the right to be. "Louis, did you ever stop for a moment to think that maybe not everything is about you?"

And that--- that isn't the reply he thought he would get. He blinks, surprised.

"I'm so lost with what I want to do with my life right now. All I can focus on is this trip because it's all I'm sure about."

Louis' face falls. Harry seems to realise what he's said and stutters over his words to try and rectify it.

"Besides you, of course," he says, "I mean with, like, my career and studying and all that stuff."

Louis sighs. "I'm going to miss you so much," he says quietly, "and we've only been together for a year and a half so who knows, you might find someone better while you're away and then what?"

"Youre making this about you again," he says, but there's no bite to his words, "I don't plan on doing that," he tells Louis, "you're all I want, Louis. I'll never find someone better suited for me than you."

The words warm Louis' heart, despite everything. He sniffs a bit, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, this is just so hard for me, okay? It feels like I've just gotten you and now you're going away."

"Oh, babe," Harry sighs, tilting Louis' chin up so that Louis is looking at him, "I'm going to miss you so damn much, okay? I promise you that I'll talk to you as much as possible. You're not losing me, Lou. I just need some time away to figure some things out, that's all."

Louis nods shortly, engulfing Harry into a hug. "I know. I'm sorry I got all insecure about it. I understand what you're doing and I promise you that I do support you, yeah?"

Harry nuzzles his nose against Louis' neck. Its cold like it always is, despite the weather. "You're allowed to be insecure, Lou. I understand," he mumbles, "who's to say you won't find someone better than me while I'm away?"

Louis pulls Harry by his shoulders so that Harry is looking at him again. "You are it for me, Harry. I've said it before and I'll say it again, yeah? You're it for me. I don't want anyone else. I don't care how long you're gone. It'll always be you at the end of the day."

There's tears welling up in Harry's eyes. His bottom lip wobbles. "You're such a sap," he says, "you promise you won't sleep with Liam while I'm gone?"

Louis barks out a laugh. "Trust me, darling, I will not sleep with Liam ever. Never ever. Even if you and I weren't together. He's like a brother to me."

Harry chuckles a bit before falling into Louis' arms again, holding him tightly. "I love you so much, Louis," he says softly, his tone nothing but sincere.

God, Louis isn't going to cry. He isn't. "I love you too, Harry," he reciprocates, placing a kiss to Harry's growing hair.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Harry says, "don't ever doubt that, okay? I'm always going to be thinking about you."

Louis grins, even if it is a bit shaky. He places another kiss to Harry's hair. "I know you will. You'll call me all the time, yeah?"

Harry smiles against his shoulder, snuggling closer so that he's practically in Louis' lap. He's getting tall now, and so it shouldn't make sense that they still fit together like that but they do anyways.

"Everyday," he promises, just like Louis did almost a year ago, "at least, I'll try to."

Louis chuckles. He doesn't expect Harry to call him everyday. He'll be exploring new cities and towns, Louis doesn't want him to feel like he has to owe Louis a call at the end of the day.

"Whenever you can," Louis says, "and you'll tell me all about your adventures, yeah? All about your travelling?"

Harry nods, humming. "Every single detail," he promises, "maybe you and I can do some travelling together once you're done studying," he suggests softly.

Louis smiles at the thought. He's never really thought about leaving the UK before but he doesn't mind doing a bit of travelling. Harry has always been the dreamer between the two of them. And he dreamt big. It really shouldn't have come as a surprise to Louis that he wanted to travel instead of studying right away.

"I'd like that," he says honestly, "maybe we'll go to Bali--- I've always wanted to go there."

Harry kisses his shoulder. "Deal," he says, "when I'm back for good, we can talk about it more, yeah?"

Louis grins, happy about that at least. "Yeah. I look forward to you being back. Sorry."

"Don't apologise," Harry rubs his thumb over the bottom of Louis' spine, "I wish I could take you with me right now."

"I know," he mumbles, "hey, let's do something fun, yeah? I don't want either of us to be sad right now. We should spend the little time we have with each other left doing something fun."

Harry pulls back to look at him. "Like what? Sneak into your campus library and have sex on the table? Have sex on Liam's bed?"

"Why do all of them involve sex?" Louis chuckles.

"Because I'm going to go without our sex for god knows how long. I want to have you as much as possible. I need you."

"Jesus, you're a bloody insatiable minx," Louis kisses his nose, "we can get to the sex part, let's do something else first."

"We could rob a bank," Harry grins mishiveously, "oh, or a liquor store."

"God, babe, do you want to be arrested before you go? What's with all the illegal activity?"

"I dunno. I guess I'm just feeling a little wild tonight," he shrugs, resting his hands on Louis' thighs.

"How about, we get a little high, steal some of Liam's whiskey and get a little tipsy and then we can have sex on his bed?"

Harry giggles. "He's going to yell at us by the time he comes back."

"I know. It's always fun to see Liam angry," Louis snorts.

"Mostly because he can't get angry," Harry nods, "we shouldn't even change the sheets when we're done."

Louis gasps. "Look at you being all evil all of a sudden."

"Feeling wild, I told you," Harry giggles again, "come on, let's get high now."

Louis laughs softly. "Let's."

They end up getting high on the kitchen floor, then passing a half bottle of whiskey between them in Liam's room before undressing each other clumsily, laughing into each others mouths that quickly turned into moans as they fucked sloppily on Liam's bed.

It's not what Louis thinks is wild as what Harry intially wanted but there's a sated smile on his face afterwards as he cuddles up to Louis. Louis thinks it's good enough for him. He only hopes that it stays that way.

*

The day Harry leaves is full of tears. They cling onto each other like lifelines. Louis waits with him at the airport as much as he can and neither of them say much, just enjoying each others company while they still can.

Harry says he wants to visit Louis as soon as possible but they both don't know how soon that can be. It could be months from now. It probably will be. Louis says that he'll try his best to do the same though. And that maybe they can meet wherever Harry is and Louis can stay there a while, experience the whole thing with Harry.

Harry is ecstatic about the idea. At least Louis knows then that Harry isn't trying to just get rid of him. When they're just an hour away from Harry going to check in and board the flight, he tugs on Louis' sleeve, uncertainty all over his face.

"Maybe I shouldn't go," he says suddenly.

Louis widens his eyes. For a moment, a selfish part of him wants to agree, wants to tell him to stay so that they can finally be together properly. But it wouldn't be right. He knows how much Harry has been looking forward to this and he's going to be supportive god dammit.

Louis pulls him aside, cupping his face. "Baby, you've been looking forward to this for months. You know you want this."

"Yeah but what if it's a mistake, Lou? What if I just end up regretting it? And I'm going to be all alone--- god."

Louis has never heard him speak so fast before. His voice and tone has always been slow and a little morbid if he's being honest but in a good way. Somehow.

"But you've got this, love. You're one of the bravest, strongest and smartest people I know. Even your mum said so earlier, didn't she? She said you'll be fine on your own."

Harry's eyes are wide and scared but he nods. "I'm just--- this could all be for nothing."

"Or it could all be for something," Louis says, hands moving to Harry's waist, pulling him close, "you said you want to take this trip to figure some things out and that's exactly what you're going to do, yes? You're going to go and have some fun and you're going to come back to me and it'll all be worth it."

Harry nods, wiping the rims of his eyes. "Not too much of fun though," he smiles.

Louis smiles back, kissing him softly. "As much as you deserve," he says, "I love you, H. I love you so much."

Harry sniffles, eyes shining with tears again. He cups Louis' jaw with one hand, running his thumb over his cheekbone like he always does.

"I love you too, babe and I'm going to miss you like hell," Harry lets tears fall now and Louis isn't too far off from doing the same.

"I'm going to miss you too. Think of me, yeah? You've got that hoodie and my footie jersey," he chuckles wetly, "think of me when you wear it."

"Don't need to wear those things to think of you, Lou. You're always in my heart," he smiles softly, "you'll think of me when you read that letter I gave you, yeah?"

Louis grins. "Always thinking of you," he says.

Then they're kissing again in the middle of the airport and it's painfully perfect. Louis savours his taste, his touch, his smell, the dimples when he smiles, the mole on his chin and dip of his spine. God, he's going to miss this boy so damn much.

They pull away from each other after what feels like only seconds but he knows it's more than that. Every moment with him feels like it's just not enough.

"I should go," Harry mumbles, eyes wet again.

Louis nods, pulling away, wiping his own eyes. "You should."

Harry grabs hold of the trolley with his luggage and looks at Louis sadly. "Bye, Lou," he says.

Louis' heart clenches. He swallows down the lump in his throat. "Bye, love," he gives him a wobbly smile.

Harry hugs him one last time, fisting the back of his shirt and letting out tiny sniffles. Louis hugs back, just as tightly if not more.

"Love you," Harry says for what feels like the twentieth time. Louis isn't complaining.

"Love you too. Now go, babe," Louis scolds him playfully, pressing a kiss to his head before Harry is pulling away again.

Harry wipes his eyes again and then he starts pushing his trolley to join the queue. Louis waits until he's on the other end. Then Harry turns around, waving with a sad smile on his face.

Louis waves back, blowing him a kiss just to see him smile, even if it is small. Then, just like that, he's gone.

Louis feels numb as he drives back to campus. He whole body aches with how much he already misses Harry. Now he's going to have to manage without him for months at a time.

When Liam sees him, he hugs him almost as tightly as Harry did and that's when Louis lets go and cries into his best friend's shoulder. Liam comforts him by rubbing his back and holding him while they sit on their ratty old couch.

"I miss him so much. What the fuck," he mumbles, wiping his eyes and pulling away.

"I know you do, Louis. But he'll be back before you know it, yeah? Then you guys can be all lovey-dovey with each other and fuck on my bed again."

Louis lets out a startled wet laugh. "Fuck," he sighs eventually, wiping his nose with a tissue Liam hands him, "this feels surreal."

"I'm sure it does," Liam frowns, "let's get your mind off of it for a bit, okay? I'm sure he'll be texting you as soon as he lands."

Louis nods in agreement and Liam brings them a tub of vanilla ice cream to share, putting _The Hangover_ on. It distracts Louis for a little bit until he gets a text from Harry.

_Landed and it's already so beautiful here. Missing you. Love you loads x H_

Louis grins at his phone. He sees Liam smile at him through his peripheral vision.

"See? Won't be that bad, Louis," Liam pats his back.

Louis believes him in that moment. They're strong and they can do this. He types out a reply to Harry.

_Send me some pictures whenever you can. I miss you too and love you lots xxx_

They text a little bit before Harry says he's going to get some sleep. Louis lets him go, even though he doesn't want to because of how much he's missed him.

When Louis goes to bed, he catches sight of a piece of paper left on his nightstand. He smiles when he realises what it is. Harry must have dug it out and left it on the stand for Louis to see.

He opens up the frailing paper and reads over the words. Despite the ache in his heart, he smiles fondly. As much as he misses Harry, the words keep him sated somehow.

He knows, as he tucks the paper underneath his pillow, that they'll be all right. No matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

"And how's it going between you two?"

That's an interesting question for Louis to answer. It went well for the first few months--- as well as long distance can go, at least. They did speak almost everyday. If it wasn't a phonecall or Skype video, then there was texting.

Harry took pictures of almost everything and sent them to Louis. There was the usual tourist sites then random things, like a coin on the ground that Harry claimed to be aesthetic. He still does send them--- just not as much during these last few months. He travelled to what felt like the whole of Europe, getting odd jobs here and there to help him out. That, along with some of his parent's money too.

And it was fine between them. It still is--- kind of. Louis blames it on the fact that they haven't seen each other in months. The last time they'd seen each other was four months ago.

Harry came to London for a quick stop before heading to Greece. So he spent the weekend with Louis that was mostly a sex haze if he's being honest. Which isn't a bad thing. They both love sex and enjoy it even more with each other.

Louis even made one trip to Italy after three months of Harry leaving and they spent his birthday there together. It was only for a short two weeks but it was perfect. Louis made up his mind then that he was going to make sure they get to travel together before settling down anywhere.

But it feels like, ever since Harry left four months ago, from his last trip seeing Louis, he's been a little... distant? Louis isn't sure if that's the right word to use. They still talk and Harry still smiles brightly when they speak.

But he's more... short with what he says. Before, Harry used to prolong their conversations regardless of the time, saying that he missed Louis too much. Then it turned into speaking for an hour at most because he was tired or he had to leave to go somewhere.

He has to push all of that away though, at least for now, because in just three days, he'll be seeing Harry again and they can finally, finally, live their lives together the way they'd planned. Harry will start studying here too and he can move in with Liam and Louis just like they discussed.

Liam is thinking about moving out soon though, saying that he doesn't want to be a third wheel between him and Harry once Harry is back. Louis keeps telling him that he won't but Liam is Liam so he's made up his mind. And he says he'll move as soon as he can. Louis reassures him that he doesn't have to rush anything with all of that.

"It's... fine, I guess," Louis finally answers, "I think I'm just feeling the strain of being away from him so long."

"Well, it's a good thing he's coming back soon then, isn't it? I'm sure you're both dying without each other, given how co-dependant you two are," Niall laughs softly.

"I know, I just can't wait to see him. It's only been just over a year but I swear it feels like ages," Louis sighs, "I need to be with him again."

"Aw, Louis," Niall pouts in exaggeration, "he misses you too, I'm sure."

"When last did you speak to him?" Louis asks curiously.

"Oh, uh," Niall looks up in thought, "uh, maybe about a month ago, actually."

"Oh," Louis juts out his bottom. In the beginning, he used to speak to everyone almost all the time, inlcuding Liam and Niall.

"But, I have a surprise," Niall says, leaning forward over the table, a wide grin on his face.

"Oh yeah? What is it?" Louis matches his enthusiasm, leaning forward too.

"I'm thinking about moving back here," Niall says.

"What?" Louis asks, a grin taking over his features, "seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, I'm not studying anymore. I have nothing much going on for me in Ireland so I want to come back here."

"That's amazing, Niall," Louis smiles, shaking his head.

"What's amazing?" Liam asks, taking a seat to their side, handing them their beers.

"Niall has decided to move back here," Louis says, still smiling at Niall.

Liam's eyes widen in excitement. "Wow, really? When?"

"Probably within the next few weeks."

"Shit, that's awesome, Niall," Liam says, patting his back twice.

"Where are you going to stay?" Louis asks.

"I've asked my cousin, Tillie, you remember her?"

Liam and Louis nod.

"Yeah I'll be sharing a flat with her and her girlfriend," he says, "I'll stay there for a while until I find my own place. Need to get a job and things first."

"Yeah," Louis gives him a sympathetic smile, "jobs here aren't easy to come by anymore."

"Louis and I are lucky that we have ours, even if it's just for now, you know?"

Louis works part time at a library while Liam works at an arcade nearby. Things aren't cheap anymore, so they had earn money of their own.

"I know. I'll be doing whatever I can though. In the mean time. Hey, what's Harry going to do when he comes back?"

"Well, last we spoke about it, he said he wants to study but he will probably have to get a job to help pay for the flat and stuff."

Now that Niall has asked, it makes Louis think. They actually haven't spoken about that in a while. The last time they did, it was few months ago. Everything seems to have happened last a few months ago.

"Hey, wait," Liam says suddenly, "I have an idea."

"What?" Niall and Louis ask simultaneously.

"I told Louis that once Harry is here and moves in with him, I'll try and look for my own place. I don't want to share a wall with those two, not after what I heard when Harry was there."

Niall laughs while Louis feels his cheeks burn.

"So why don't you and I look for something? We don't have to do it immediately, of course. We'll have to wait for Harry to settle down first too."

Niall nods, smiling. "I like that idea. I would love to stay with you, Li. We'll make it a bachelor pad."

Liam wrinkles his nose. "I'm not much of a bachelor."

"Oh, but I am, payno, I am," Niall winks.

"Oh, Niall. Forever the bachelor," Louis tuts, sighing dramatically.

"Not everyone finds the love of their lives at eighteen, Louis," Niall narrows his eyes at him.

Louis smiles. "Thirteen," he corrects, "we only got our shit together when he turned seventeen and I turned eighteen."

"God five years. It took you two five years to get your shit together. You guys are shit at communicating."

"Hey," Louis whines, offended, "we were kids back then, okay? We're better now; all grown up about it."

"You? Grown up?" Liam snorts, sipping his beer.

"Excuse you, Liam. I am, in fact, quite mature," Louis says then flips him off.

"Yeah, totally proved that," Liam shakes his head, "anyways, you excited to see him again?"

"God, yeah," Louis breathes out, "feels like it's been forever."

"It kind of has. Long distance for over a year is really hard to do, Louis. You should be glad you two lasted," Niall chimes in.

"I am, trust me."

"I am curious though, were there ever any moments where you thought you two were, you know, going to?"

"Break up?" Louis asks, heart rate increasing.

Niall nods.

"No," Louis says honestly, "it got really hard sometimes and we did fight a bit at one stage but we made it at the end of the day."

"That you did, Tommo," Liam smiles warmly at him, "he'll be here soon. Only a few more days to go."

"You're going to be here, Niall?" Louis asks.

"Yeah. Will his parents?"

"Yeah they'll be here for the day and he'll probably want to spend some time with them at some stage."

"Wow. It's gonna be a lot to adjust to, huh?"

"Yeah but in a good way. Definitely a good way," Louis says earnestly, "now we have the rest of our lives to look forward to--- together."

"Am I really _really_ prepared to see them be all lovey-dovey with each other again?" Niall asks, letting out a dramatic sigh.

"Shut up, you were our biggest fan."

"I still am. Doesn't mean I wanna see you two hump each other," Niall grimaces, "god I can never get that image out of my brain."

"Free porn, you're welcome," Louis smirks.

Liam makes a disgusted noise. "Louis, that's gross."

"Yeah, I don't want to see my two best friends fucking. Thanks," he says dryly, sipping his beer.

"At least you didn't see anything," Liam mutters, face contorted into a grimace, "I had to walk in on them fucking on the couch. I saw one too many asses."

Louis cackles. "Nobody asked you to come home so early, Payno."

"Nobody asked you two to fuck on the couch," Liam says incredulously, "I had to send those cushions in for dry cleaning."

"I honestly don't know why you two are complaining. We probably look hot as fuck when we fuck---"

"Louis, I swear to god---"

"And," Louis continues, "that's probably the most action you've gotten in a long time, Li."

"That's gross," Liam says, shuddering, "and don't make fun of my newfound celibacy."

Louis snorts, covering his mouth by taking a sip of his beer again.

"Is it really like something you want to do though? You want to wait for the right person now?"

Liam's cheeks turn pink. "I do and I feel like they're near, okay?"

"I think that's sweet, Li. We just play around with you sometimes," Louis says sincerely.

"I know, I know," Liam brushes him off.

"You'll tell us if we ever cross a line, okay?"

"You know I will," Liam assures him.

"So you feel like they're near huh?" Niall asks.

"Yeah, I just have a feeling," Liam smiles, "anyways, enough about me, yeah? I want to know more about you, Niall. I see Louis all the time."

Louis makes an affronted noise.

"I did this guy with eleven toes last weekend," Niall says with a proud smile on his face.

"I have many questions," Louis raises his hand up, "the first one is why did you notice that?"

Niall's whole face goes red. "Um, I don't know. Just?"

Louis widens his eyes. "Do you have a foot fetish, Niall?"

Niall goes even redder, to the point where it looks like it's glowing.

Louis and Liam both bark out a laugh while Niall mumbles a 'shut up' to them, hiding his face behind his beer bottle.

Louis loves this. He loves hanging out with his best friends, even if he constantly feels like part of himself is missing.

*

"Are you even chewing your food?" Liam asks, spoon in his hand as he watches Louis.

Louis shrugs, swallowing. "Have to call Harry in a few so I wanna eat quickly," he explains in a breath, "if you clean up for me tonight I'll make you breakfast tomorrow, okay?"

Liam huffs, putting his spoon down. "Yeah, I know the drill by now. Why are you even calling him? You're seeing him in, like, one day."

"Because I miss him," Louis answers, looking at Liam like he's mad to even ask that, "and we haven't spoken in six days."

"Six days?" Liam asks, surprised.

"Yeah, he said he was busy packing and getting ready and stuff," Louis says, shoving another forkful of pasta into his mouth.

"Wow, that's a while," Liam murmurs, "I'll wash and clean up, don't worry. Tell Harry I said hi."

Louis gives him a thumbs up before gulping down some of his water and getting up from his seat.

"You're the best, Payno," Louis calls out before turning around and heading into his bedroom. He shuts the door behind himself and pulls out his phone to text Harry.

_You good for our call? x_

He replies only a second later

_Yep!_

Louis smiles, settling down onto his bed and getting comfortable with his back against the headboard. The Skype ringtone blares through his earphones as he waits for Harry to answer.

Within a few seconds, Harry answers the call and his grainy face appears on the screen.

"Hey, baby," Louis greets him, his heart feeling full.

"Hi," Harry grins back, "how are you, Lou?"

"I'm okay. Just a little tired. How about you?"

"'M tired too," he says then yawns, as if to prove his point, "gonna sleep on the whole plane ride back."

"Can't wait to cuddle you when you get back. Wake up next to you too. Miss your snoring," Louis says with a pout.

Harry smiles fondly. "I miss you hogging all the covers."

"I do not do that but anyways," Louis grumbles, "you're landing at four in the afternoon, yeah?"

"Yeah. Is Niall gonna be there?" Harry asks, tone hopeful.

Louis nods. "Yeah. He actually said he wants to move back here. Well, to Manchester, at least."

"Oh my god," Harry gasps excitedly, "that's gonna be epic. Where's he staying? He could stay with us."

"All four of us in a two-bedroom flat?" Louis asks flatly, cocking a brow at him.

"It'll be cosy," Harry shrugs.

"That's sweet, love, but he's already got that sorted. He's gonna stay with his cousin, Tillie. You remember her?"

Harry tilts his head in thought. "Is she the cousin who lost her front tooth or the Australian one who's obsessed with vegemite?"

"Vegemite one, I'm pretty sure."

"Yeah, I remember. She's nice."

"She is," Louis agrees, "he's just worried about finding a job and all that."

"I kind of am too, to be honest," Harry admits quietly.

"I know, love. But Liam and I will be on the lookout for any jobs available for the two of you, yeah? You guys have nothing to worry about. Captain Louis to the rescue."

"Captain Louis?" Harry repeats in a laugh, "you wouldn't be Captain babe, you'd be Bucky if anything."

Louis juts his lip out, nodding a bit. "I'm okay with that. Bucky is hotter than Captain anyways."

"He is not," Harry squawks, offended, "you know I would be Captain, right? So you're basically saying you're hotter than me."

Louis bites his lip, containing a smile. "That's exactly what I'm saying. Have you seen my arse, babe?"

Harry pouts. "I have a nice arse too. So does Cap."

"You do, baby. Of course. I love your arse," Louis leans forward, placing a kiss on the camera. It's so cheesy and maybe a little weird, but hey, it's them. And besides, desperate times call for desperate measures. "Love to watch it jiggle too."

Harry turns red on the screen, looking down. "Louis, oh my god. Don't say that."

"Darling, I've said worse to you over Skype, you know. _You_ have too."

"Yeah, but still. It was in the moment, okay? Not just out loud---so barbaric," he mumbles, still blushing.

"Barbaric," Louis laughs, "should I remind you about the time you deepthroated a dildo just to get me off. Sent it to me in the middle of the day, no less."

Harry's eyes widen but there's mirth in them. "It was at least afternoon here!" He chuckles, "you're right, can't wait to have sex with you again. Missed it so much."

Louis swallows. If they keep talking about it, he's undoubtedly going to get hard. "Yeah, miss it too."

"Can't wait to have your cock in me again," Harry bites his lip.

Louis almost whimpers at the thought. "Oh yeah, what else?"

"Wanna fuck you. Know you like it with your legs over my shoulders. Love my cock splitting you opened, don't you, babe?" Harry breathes out.

Louis adjust the laptop on his lap. "Fuck, yeah, baby."

"But I want you to fuck me. Rough and hard when I get back. Want you to press my face into the pillow and take me from behind."

"Shit, baby. If you keep saying shit like that, I'm going to need to get off."

"Do it then, Lou," Harry sits back, arms crossed like he isn't affected at all, "wanna watch you touch yourself."

God, see, he has the audacity to say Louis is barbaric when he switches into this obscene minx so quickly. It only escalated when he left. It's like he's just become this confident, sexual being. It's fucking hot.

"Not gonna touch yourself too?" Louis asks, disappointed. It's been a while since he's seen Harry naked. Too long since they've seen _each other_ naked.

Harry opens his mouth to reply when there's a bang on Louis' wall.

"Do not fucking have Skype sex right now. I'm warning you. Just keep it in your pants for one more day!" Liam yells.

Louis and Harry burst out laughing.

"Sorry, Li," Harry yells out, covering his mouth with his jumper-clad hand to contain his giggle.

"Goodnight," Liam grumbles out.

"He said goodnight," Louis says, laughter dying down, unsure if Harry heard or not.

"I heard. Shame, I feel bad for Liam," he sulks, "it's going to be worse when I come home."

A smile creeps up on Louis. "When you come home, huh?"

"Yeah," Harry has the decency to look flushed at that. It gives Louis whiplash sometimes, the way they can go from heated, Skype sexual tension one minute to being all sappy and romantic about Harry coming home. "Anywhere you are is my home."

Oh. Louis is sure the tips of his ears are on fire too now. He's still half-hard in his joggers and for some reason, that gets him going again.

"You're a sap. Are you high again?" Louis asks in a laugh.

The last time Harry called Louis while he was high, he couldn't stop talking about how they were going to get married one day, and how he wanted to beat Louis' mum in the amount of kids they adopt. Then he started crying about not being there next to Louis which broke Louis' heart because he full-on bawled his eyes out.

That seems like it was ages ago. Maybe it kind of was. Six months is a long time, right?

"I'm not, but I'm tired. Sometimes the effect is the same."

Louis grins fondly as Harry rests his chin on his propped up arm. He looks gorgeous, with his droopy eyes and puffy lips.

"I'll let you get some sleep, love. See you soon, yeah?"

"My last sleep," Harry grins sleepily, "gonna give you a big hug and kiss when I see you."

"I'm counting on it, love," Louis chuckles softly, "night, baby."

"Night, babe. I love you," Harry blows him a kiss.

Louis pretends to catch it and place it over his heart. He bids him goodnight one more time before he hangs up.

His heart feels full when he goes to sleep, a grin not leaving his face, not even when he falls asleep. Louis can't wait to see Harry again. To have Harry next to him, hold him and be held in return. Only one more sleep, he reminds himself.

*

"Louis, sweetheart, you look like you're going to pee yourself."

Louis stops bouncing on his feet at that, letting out a sigh and dropping the sign. "Sorry," he mumbles, leaning against a nearby pole, the metal cold through his jumper.

"It's fine, love. We're all excited to see him again," Anne says with a reassuring smile. She leans against the pole next to Louis. Louis gets a whiff of her flowery perfume that brings him a sense of comfort.

"God, I'm going to cry like a baby. Just a warning," he says, fiddling with the cardboard in his hand.

He made a 'welcome home' sign, written in pink and gold glitter just because he wanted to. Harry likes glitter, sue him. He just wants to make his boyfriend happy. Besides, it's fun playing with glitter. Aside from the cleaning up process--- that part is not fun whatsoever. And it gets everywhere. _Everywhere_.

"I will too," she chuckles lowly, "missed my baby."

"You know, I'm still surprised you let him go for so long," Louis says, glancing at her.

She looks back at him, her red lips curled upwards. "I was going to say the same thing to you."

They both chuckle. Louis shakes his head, his leg bouncing again.

"Are you nervous, love?" She asks him, eyebrows pinched curiously.

Louis shrugs. "I think I am but I don't know why. It's the excited kind of nervous though, I think. Like when you're in line for a rollercoaster."

"I understand that. You're sure that's all there is?" She asks him, her gaze is intent and scrutinizing. It does nothing to calm Louis' nerves. He feels like taking a piss and shit at the same time. God, that's disgusting. What the fuck is wrong with him?

"There he is," she gasps, smiling as she looks forward and straightens up.

Louis feels his heart in his fucking throat because he's here. God, Harry is here. He's here and he's beautiful and he's smiling so big that Louis thinks it's going to explode on his face.

He rushes towards Harry without a second thought, whisking past a few people and dodging a few stray bags left on the floor that are in his way.

Their chests collide first, Louis' glittery sign be damned as he throws it aside. Harry's arms are tight around his shoulders. Louis feels tears well up in his eyes as he buries his face into Harrys neck, sniffing the skin and relishing the smell of him.

It's musky and sweet and smells a bit like an aeroplane but he doesn't care because it's Harry and he's just so fucking happy to have him here, in his arms, back home again.

It reminds Louis of the day Harry had to leave, they way they're clinging onto each other and just don't want to let go. There's tears staining their cheeks and wetting their clothes but the difference is that this time, it's happy tears.

"Hi, babe," Harry laughs wetly, pulling away enough to look at Louis but Louis' got a death grip on his jacket.

"Hey, love," Louis laughs back, sniffing a little. He wastes no more time, leaning forward and connecting their lips. Harry tastes like bitter coffee and a little stale, nothing like he used to, but it's still _him_.

Harry's hands are framing his face again and Louis pulls him closer till their bodies are flushed together without even an inch of space left between them.

Louis tries to keep it as PG as possible, only licking over his lips once before pulling away, suddenly remembering that Anne is there too.

"Your mum," Louis mumbles, pulling back completely. Harry's eyes move behind Louis, where he spots Anne and beams at her.

He removes himself from Louis' space before hugging his mum. Louis grins at them, then picks up his discarded sign that landed between an old couple. He mumbles out an apology, not missing the dirty look they give him just as he turns his back.

He's not sure if it's because his cheesy sign landed near them or because they saw him snog his boyfriend unabashedly in front of hundreds of people. None of that matters anyways.

Anne and Harry are wiping their faces and noses by the time Louis goes to them again.

"Louis made you sign," Anne says with a shaky smile directed at Louis.

Harry turns to him, eyes red. "Let me see, Lou," he says, making grabby hands at the sign.

Louis flushes as he hands Harry the sign. Harry gives him a reassuring smile, swinging the arm that doesn't have his bag over Louis' shoulders, pulling him close.

"Aw, it's written in glitter," Harry giggles, "thanks, babe," he says, kissing Louis' temple.

Louis snakes his arm around Harry's waist, squeezing the flesh there. "Only for you."

Anne grins at the two of them like she's a proud mum watching her kids. Maybe, in a way, she kind of is. He grew up with the Styles family, essentially.

"Let's go home, love," Louis tells him," get your luggage and things first, of course."

Harry nods, looking at his mum. "You came with Lou, mum?"

"I did. Had to come and see you today. Missed my baby," she coos, pinching his cheek.

"Mum," he groans, turning his head away and into Louis. Louis smiles. It feels like he hasn't stopped since he's seen Harry. Even though it's only been a few minutes.

For the first time though, Louis realises that Harry has grown quite a bit.

"Oi, what were you eating that's made you grow so much, love?" Louis asks as they walk, pulling away a bit to look at Harry up and down.

"Ate my beans," Harry replies without a second thought, grinning.

"What?" Louis asks, perplexed.

"Beans," he says again, as if that would help Louis understand it better, "like Jack and the Beanstalk? The beans helped him grow the stalk?"

"So, you're the stalk?" Louis asks slowly.

"Yeah, the beans helped me grow," he says with a smile.

Louis shakes his head fondly. "Right," he mutters, "really missed you, you weirdo."

"Missed you too," Harry grins back, kissing Louis' cheek.

Once they get into the car, Louis can see how tired Harry is. He's always been the type of person who sleeps in the car, especially if the journey is longer. Anne says that the only way to get him to sleep when he was a baby was taking him on a car ride around the block.

Clearly that's carried through to his adulthood because here he is, at almost twenty-years-old, eyes drooping shut.

Anne, sitting at the back, doesn't seem to notice it the way Louis is, and continues to ask him questions as they drive back to Louis' flat.

He gives her proper answers too, even though his voice is thick with sleep. Louis places a hand on his thigh as a form of comfort and help him stay awake a bit. He passes Louis a small smile, covering Louis' hand with his own, slightly sweaty one.

The airport is about twenty minutes away from the flat so by the time they reach, Harry has to rub his eyes to wake himself up properly. He stretches his body and lets out a yawn once he's out of the car. Then they help Harry unload his luggage to carry upstairs.

Liam greets them with a happy, warm smile when they walk in, with a long tight hug for Harry.

"Harry?" Niall asks from somewhere within the flat. The bathroom door flings opened, Niall stumbling out, one hand on his crotch, pulling up his zipper and the other pulling his jeans up his waist.

"Hey, Ni," Harry grins, dropping down his bags as Niall all but runs into his arms. Harry chuckles, hugging his friend back. "Your fly is still opened," Harry says, pulling away.

Niall wipes at his eyes. "I don't care. Just hug me again," and then he's pulling Harry in for another hug.

Louis shakes his head. "Li, help me with the bags?"

Liam shifts his gaze away from Niall and Harry and takes the bags from Anne after giving her a short kiss on her cheek.

"I'll take them, Lou," Harry says, eyebrows furrowed, watching Louis and Liam take his bags into Louis' bedroom.

"No, love, you relax," Louis winks at him, "Liam and I got this."

"Yes, sit," Niall orders, "I have a lot to tell you and I want to hear all about your adventures in Europe."

Harry doesn't even have time to protest because Niall drags him to the old couch and sits him down while Anne follows, a smile still on her face.

Louis can relate, knowing the smile hasn't fallen of his own. Liam seems to notice as they put Harry's luggage down.

"I haven't seen you smile this much since the last time you saw him in person," Liam says, grinning too.

"I'm fucking happy, I won't lie," Louis breathes out, chewing on his bottom lip.

"I can see that. I'm happy for you guys," Liam saunters to him, patting Louis' shoulder twice, "let's go hang out with your boyfriend before Niall traumatises him with foot fetish stories."

Louis huffs out a laugh. "Let's," he agrees, reciprocating the action and patting Liam's shoulder.

Sure enough, Niall is gesturing wildly all over the place, telling Harry some story about a girl who made him try ecstasy. Harry looks amused while Anne looks slightly horrified.

"Okay," Louis intervenes, "how about we give Harold some space, yeah?"

Louis pushes himself between Niall and Harry so that he's sitting next to Harry. Niall looks mildly offended but moves away anyway, probably knowing he shouldn't object to that right now.

"Harold, huh? You haven't called me that in ages," Harry says, moving so that his head is on Louis' shoulder. Louis automatically swings an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. God, he's missed this so fucking much.

"Yeah, feeling all nostalgic today," Louis says, kissing the top of his head.

"Do you boys want some tea? I'll go put the kettle on."

"Please, mum," Harry says with an exaggerated grin.

"Me too," Louis says then Liam, but Niall declines. He's always been more of a coffee person anyway.

"God, you two are already so gross," Liam sighs from his armchair next to Niall.

"You don't get to complain. I haven't seen him in months," Louis murmurs, pulling Harry closer as if to prove his point.

"Sorry, Li. 'M not gonna leave his side any time soon. Unless it's like, to use the loo or eat."

"On the bright side, at least we'll get some proper food again because you're here," Liam says, sitting back against the chair.

"Hey, my food is good," Louis complains, "you said you liked my Alfredo!"

Harry giggles into his armpit.

"It's great but that's all that you can really make, you know? And I'm not any better."

"Whatever," Louis mumbles, looking down at Harry, "you see what they put me through, baby?"

Harry looks up at him, smiling tiredly. He kisses him softly. "I happen to love your cooking," he says, "and I can't wait for my breakfast in bed tomorrow morning."

Louis laughs. "I see what you're plotting. All right, love. Breakfast in bed it is."

"Please don't fuck," Liam chimes in, grimacing, "I'm right next to you guys."

"You're not _right_ next to us," Louis says.

"I haven't seen Lou in months. Sorry, Li, but I can't make any promises."

"Great," Liam sighs.

"It's okay, Liam. I'll come over and make you some breakfast in bed too," Niall says, batting his eyelashes.

Louis snorts. "Hey, speaking of bed, did Niall tell you about his foot fetish?"

Harry straightens up a bit, glancing at Niall. "You do? Tell me all about it."

Louis gazes at him, surprised at his enthusiasm. Maybe Harry has a foot fetish too. Louis doesn't know if he could get on board with that.

"Don't look so worried, Lou, I don't have a foot fetish," Harry laughs, kissing Louis' cheek, "I just want to hear about Niall's story."

So Niall tells Harry about the guy with eleven toes and he goes into a bit more detail than necessary and more than what he said when they were at the pub the other day. He has to abruptly stop when Anne comes in with a tray of tea and biscuits. He's quiet for the rest of the entire night, probably realising that Anne has heard too much of their conversation. And judging from the way Anne avoids looking at Niall for the rest of the night, Louis is willing to bet that she did in fact hear way too much of Niall's foot fetish endeavours.

Anne leaves shortly after they have tea together and makes Harry promise that he'll visit them soon. Louis knows Harry is missing his dad, sister and Robin so they'll have to make a trip there very soon.

They have pizza for supper, Harry having three at one go, claiming he hasn't had a good slice of pizza in a few months now. Even while he's scarfing down the pizza, Louis can't help but be endeared by him. He just has this... thing about him. You can't help but be endeared by anything he does.

It's in the dimples. Louis is sure it's in the dimples.

Harry is tired before half eight, barely able to hide a yawn. Louis moves a piece of hair away from his cheek. God, his hair is growing long.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Louis asks softly.

Harry shakes his head, cuddling up to Louis with his head on Louis' chest. "Let's watch something," he insists.

Louis sighs, rubbing his hand up and down Harry's back. "Are you sure, baby?"

"'M sure," he nods, "rom-com, please."

" _Sleepless in Seattle_ ," Niall calls out, already grabbing for the remote.

"Fine by me," Louis shrugs, then looks down at Harry, "fine, babe?"

Harry only hums in agreement. Louis can tell Harry is going to be out cold before they even get ten minutes into the movie.

"Harry, mate, we can watch it tomorrow. You can go to sleep if you'd like," Liam says, staring at his friend, like he's concerned. Bless him.

Harry shakes his head again. "Put it. I haven't seen it in ages."

"Okay," Liam let's out a breath and Niall clicks play on the movie.

As Louis predicted, Harry is asleep, snoring on his chest, before they even reach the ten minute mark in the movie. Louis smiles, shaking his head. He places a kiss on Harry's hair twice before telling Liam and Niall that they're going to go to bed.

Slowly, Louis moves Harry off of him. With great difficulty, mind you, as Harry clings onto him like he's a koala. Louis sighs when he's finally off the sofa, Harry blinking awake.

"Let's head to bed," Louis tells him softly.

"The movie," he protests weakly, voice groggy.

Louis isn't sure why Harry is so hellbent about watching this movie but he can be weird like that sometimes.

"It's finished. Don't worry," Louis lies easily, "let's go to sleep."

"Okay," Harry moves lazily off the couch, grabbing for Louis' hand as they make their way to Louis' bedroom.

Louis waves at Liam and Niall before shutting the door behind himself. Harry is already collapsed onto the bed, limbs spread like a starfish, on his stomach.

"Harry, love," Louis walks to him, brushing Harry's hair lightly, "get under the blanket at least, please."

Harry lets out a frustrated breath and wiggles until he's underneath the blanket, jeans and jumper still on. Louis doesn't even bother telling him to change because he can tell that Harry is going to be jetlag for a good few days at least.

Louis covers him properly, tucking the blanket underneath his chin before undressing himself and going underneath the blanket next to Harry.

He's grinning from ear to ear when he places a hand on Harry's waist from behind and pulls Harry to his chest.

There's been countless nights where he's missed this, where he's craved this. Now that Harry is here, he won't have to feel that way again. At least, not for a long time. Unless something like work or family calls for them to be away from each other again.

"Don't think I can let you go again," Louis mumbles to the back of his head before kissing the spot.

He thinks Harry is asleep but then Harry pulls Louis' hand until its on his stomach and shimming backwards. Louis smiles again.

He's not tired, not in the slightest, but he doesn't mind just staying awake a bit, taking in the moment. Familiarizing with Harry's smell again, because it's different than before, kissing his skin and tasting the warmth.

For now, he'll just appreciate what he has with Harry because fucking hell, he's missed it so much.

*

When the morning comes, Louis finds Harry still snoring next to him, laying on his stomach. Snoring very loudly at that. God, he's missed Harry's snoring.

Louis leans up with a propped elbow, turned to his side, looking down at Harry. His hair is a little greasy, probably from all the travelling, his lips are a little chapped and his cheeks are a little puffy. He looks beautiful. Louis will never get over how beautiful he is.

Louis tucks a few curls behind Harrys ear. He wonders if Harry is going to grow his hair out because it's getting pretty long now, the curls wild and growing down the back of his neck.

Louis places a soft kiss to Harry's cheek then temple, the actions not even stirring Harry in the slightest. He must be really tired then because as long as Louis has known Harry, he's always been a light sleeper. He wakes up if Louis so much as turns in his sleep.

Louis decides to let him have his rest and make that breakfast in bed he'd promised Harry last night. With a sigh, Louis moves out the duvet and off the bed, heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

It seems like Liam isn't awake either when he heads to the kitchen, which also isn't a surprise, because Liam is a late sleeper, just like Louis normally is. He decides to make some extra breakfast for Liam too, being the good friend that he is.

He starts to make Harrys favourites, scrambled eggs with toast and baked beans and sausages. He's always been a healthy eater, Harry. Loved his food. It's one of the reasons why Louis is crazy about him, as odd as that is.

He's humming a song that's stuck in his head that he can't really remember the name of when he hears Liam greet him, followed by a yawn. He smiles at his friend, stirring the pot of baked beans.

"Morning, Payno. Breakfast is ready," Louis announces, placing the pot next to the pan of scrambled eggs and plate of sausages, "you just have to put your toast in the toaster."

Liam blinks at him. "You did all of this?"

"Well, yeah. It's not that hard to believe, mate. Come on, I haven't been that useless."

"No, I know, I know," Liam says quickly, "you just went all out."

Louis lifts one shoulder in a half shrug. "Wanted to surprise Harry."

"God, you're so fucking whipped, mate," Liam shakes his head letting our a breathy laugh, "I'm not complaining as long as I get breakfast like this everyday."

"Don't get used to it," Louis says, eyes narrowed.

"Is Harry not awake yet?" Liam asks, dishing out some eggs on a plate.

Louis shakes his head. "Nah, poor thing. He must be really jetlag. I let him sleep."

"Yeah, can imagine," Liam murmurs, more focused on the food in front of him.

Almost as if on cue, Harry walks into the kitchen, yawning like Liam was.

"Hey, love. I was just about to bring you some breakfast in bed, like I promised," Louis says, instantly reaching for Harry to pull him to his side.

Harry follows easily, tucking his face into Louis' neck. "Still tired," he croaks out.

"You can go back to sleep, love," Louis soothes his hand down Harry's broad back to the bottom of his spine.

"Its okay. The smell of food lured me in," Harry pulls back, grinning tiredly at Louis.

"Morning, Harry," Liam says, smirking at them.

"Hi, Li. Sorry I didn't greet you," Harry waves half-heartedly at him.

"I'm used to you seeing Louis and only Louis in every place we go to," he says with a wink.

A pink blush develops on Harry's cheeks. He looks down at the array of foods, a smile on his face but then it dims.

"What is it?" Louis asks, worried.

"Um, I, uh, don't really eat meat anymore," Harry reveals, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"You don't eat meat anymore?" Louis repeats incredulously, with a small laugh, "then what do you eat?"

"I'm kind of vegetarian now," he admits sheepishly, "have been for a few months."

This is the first time Louis has heard of this. He's never mentioned that he's vegetarian over the last few months. When he came here last, four months ago, Louis is sure he scarfed down a rib-eye like it was nothing.

"You never told me," Louis mumbles, frowning.

"Sorry. Must have slipped my mind. It's still kind of new," Harry shrugs, "but I can still have majority of what you made, just not the sausages. I'm sorry."

Louis sighs, making a mental note to ask him about this new vegetarianism he's decided to take on suddenly. "It's fine, babe. Let's just eat, yeah? I'm starving."

Harry nods, grabbing a plate for himself and dishing out some of everything aside from the sausages. Louis pops two slices of bread into the toaster for them while Harry takes a seat next to Liam.

"Vegetarian, huh? Wow, look at you," Liam says, eyebrows raised.

Harry smiles down at his plate, like he's shy about it. "My whole trip kind of helped me change my mind."

"Interesting," Liam says before chewing on a piece of sausage, "so do you mind us eating meat in front of you and stuff then?"

"No, that's your choice," Harry shrugs, pushing the eggs around his plate, "just like it's mine not to eat it."

"All right. Cool, I guess," Liam says, "you have a lot to tell us about your trip then. You've practically been everywhere now."

Harry chuckles just as the toast pops out of the toaster. He hands one to Harry who thanks him softly and Louis walks around the counter to sit next to Harry.

"I haven't been everywhere," Harry says, making a hole in his toast and putting his eggs in them. Louis' almost forgotten that he does that. He smiles, watching him do it. It reminds him of when they were young and stupidly in love.

"Yeah, if you say so. I've barely been out of the UK," Liam scoffs.

"You still have time to travel," Harry cuts a piece of his disaster on his plate before shoving it in his mouth. Louis snorts softly. At least his appetite hasn't changed.

"Ugh, I hope so. Don't wanna be stuck here forever," Liam pouts.

"It's great. You'll love Greece. The beaches there are amazing and the sun is always shining. Plus, the people there are really nice. Oh, and not to mention the food there would be right up your alley."

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll add that to be the first on my list then. Was that your favourite place youve been to?"

"Hmm, one of. My favourite is still Italy, I think," Harry says.

"Yeah? Liked the food there, I bet," Louis smiles at him, "I've always wanted to go there."

"I know," Harry smiles back softly, "ever since we watched _Eat, Pray, Love._ "

Louis chuckles, nodding. "You remember that."

"Yeah and that you want to go to India too because you want to taste the food there too."

Louis feels his heart flutter. "Yeah, I do. Maybe we should put it on our list. Next to Bali, ey?"

Harry grins. He looks down at his plate again, cutting off another piece of toast and chewing it.

"You guys have a list of places you want to travel to together?" Liam asks, raising an eyebrow at them.

"Hardly a list. Just two places as of now," Harry says.

"It'll become a list, I'm sure," Louis says confidently.

"Of course," Harry smiles at him again. It feels like a silent promise.

They cuddle up in bed again after washing up their breakfast dishes. Liam opts for showering and getting out of the house for a bit.

Harry is laying down, head pillowed on Louis' chest. He traces the sparse hair and the _It Is What It Is_ tattoo.

"That's my favourite tattoo of yours, I think," he says quietly.

"Really? I quite like the stick man you drew on me before you left," Louis says with a playful smile.

Harry giggles. "That one is pretty great too."

They're silent for a bit before Harry speaks again. "Did you get any new ones?"

"Just the card suits over my wrist that I showed you," Louis brings up his hand to show Harry.

Harry hums. "I like that one too."

Louis kisses the top of his head, "Did you get any new ones?"

"Well, I showed you the birds on my chest. After that, I got a bird cage on my ribs," he touches the back area of his to show Louis where hed gotten it.

"You didn't tell me about that," Louis says, frowning again.

"Got it like two weeks ago, actually. Must have slipped my mind," Harry shrugs, "I'll show it to you later today."

"Okay," Louis mutters, kissing his hair again, "are you growing out your hair, by the way?"

"I'm thinking I should," Harry says, the pads of his fingertips venturing further down to Louis' abdomen, "what do you think?"

"I like it," Louis says decisively, "it suits you."

"Thanks," Harry looks up, smiling at him, "you've always supported me, haven't you?"

"Always will," Louis says, without missing a beat, "you've always done the same for me."

"Yeah?"

"Of course. I wouldn't be studying architecture if it weren't for you motivating and convincing me to, back in secondary."

"I had such an impact on you, huh?" Harry asks, looking much too smug about it.

"Yeah. Think it was all in the curls," Louis says, running a hand through his hair, "or maybe the dimples," he pokes Harry's cheek where a dimple indents under his finger.

"I missed you," Harry whispers, grabbing Louis' hand and placing a kiss on his palm.

"Missed you too," Louis says back, their lips meeting in a slow, lazy kiss. When Louis pulls back, he remembers that he wanted to ask something. "Hey, so you're vegetarian now?"

"Hmm, yeah," Harry mumbles, looking down Louis' chest again, "like two and a half months now."

"That's..." Louis doesn't know what to say. Should he even say anything? What is there to say, really? So he's vegetarian. So what?

"Don't judge me," Harry looks up at Louis, eyes narrowed like he's really warning Louis not to.

"I'm not, love. I'm just shocked, is all," Louis assures him, thumb rubbing over the skin on Harry's hip, "your favourite food was a bacon and cheese burger."

"Yeah, well, I think I just... changed my mind," he murmurs, "is that, like, a problem?"

"No," Louis laughs softly, "Ill just have to practice some more vegetarian dishes now, I guess."

"I'll teach you," Harry says, kissing Louis' chest, "found this really sick pizza dough recipe."

"From Italy?"

"No, Greece," Harry says, laughing, "I have a lot to tell you, about, like, my travels, I mean."

"Your travels," Louis snorts, "Okay, Columbus, thanks for that."

"Christopher Columbus sucks ass," Harry says, grinning up at Louis, placing a kiss on his lips, "I'll tell you more about everything later, yeah? Is Niall coming over again?"

"I'll tell him to," Louis says, already reaching for his phone, "you want to go back to sleep?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I promise you by the end of the week I'll be okay. I'm just really, really tired. I don't know when last I had a proper sleep."

"It's okay, love. Sleep as much as you want, as long as I get the cuddles," Louis mumbles, focused on typing out a message to Niall.

"Of course. What do you think I'm doing right now?" Harry makes a point of it by draping a leg over Louis' legs.

Louis chuckles, placing his phone next to him, somewhere on the bed. He'll worry about it later.

"Right then, let's sleep a bit. If I'm not here when you wake up, I'm probably eating or using the loo," Louis says, getting comfortable with Harry on his chest.

"'Kay," Harry snuggles closer, eyes already shut from what Louis can see.

It doesn't take very long for Harry to fall asleep again. Not long at all, actually. He's out cold, snoring --- and drooling a little --- on Louis' chest.

Louis grimaces a little. He hates drool but he'll make an exception for Harry, only because it's Harry.

When Niall does come over later that day, he makes his presence known by a loud greeting, followed by 'I brought beer'. Louis shakes his head, meeting Niall in the hallway.

"Harry is sleeping, Niall. Come on," Louis beckons him over to the kitchen.

"Oops," Niall giggles, placing the six-pack of beer on the counter, "it's four in the afternoon, is he really still asleep?"

"Yeah, he's so tired," Louis tells him, "he said he'll be better by the end of the week."

"I'm sure he will be. Jetlag is a bitch. And he's literally been travelling for over a year with barely much of a break."

"Yeah, I let him be. I'm not complaining. I get sweet kisses and cuddles," Louis grins happily, stretching his arm to open a cupboard and pull out a bag of crisps.

"And did you guys fuck yet?" Niall asks, casual as ever as he pulls out a beer for himself.

"Jesus, Niall," Louis sighs, shaking his head, "why are you like this?"

"What? I just want to know," Niall says defensively, "it's important that you two have a healthy, active sex life."

Louis rolls his eyes, emptying out the crisps into a bowl.

"You've always been creepily obsessed with our sex lives," Harry chimes in, walking into the kitchen, shirtless, scratching his stomach.

"Ey, Mr. Styles, hello," Niall gets up, meeting Harry halfway and hugging him, "you stink, man."

Harry makes an affronted noise, pulling away self-consciously, sniffing his armpit.

"Niall, shut up," Louis flicks his forehead, "you smell fine, baby."

Harry smiles at Louis, kissing his cheek. "I brushed my teeth again," he says, sitting next to Niall on the stool, "I do want to shower though--- get that plane smell off of me."

"I don't know how you haven't already. The first thing I want to do when I come home from a flight is shower. I feel dirty."

"I do kinda feel dirty but I was more tired than anything else," Harry says.

Louis makes his way to Harry, taking the liberty to sit on his lap. Harry wraps his arms around Louis' waist and rests his head on Louis' back.

"You know, there's a perfectly good, empty stool next to Harry," Niall says flatly, glancing at the stool.

"And what about it?" Louis raises an eyebrow at him.

Niall sighs, rolling his eyes. "As long as you don't fuck in front of me."

"You would lowkey be happy about that," Harry giggles against him.

Louis feels goosebumps form on his arms as he feels the vibrations of it through his body.

"I'm weird but I'm not that weird," Niall wrinkles his nose, "Louis would like it, on the other hand."

"I wouldn't _like_ it. I just said, we would look hot so, if you _do_ happen to walk in on us, it wouldn't be the worst thing."

Harry lets out a surprised laugh. "We could give you a show, Niall," he winks, emphasising the statement by kissing down Louis' back through his shirt.

"They won't stop, Niall, even if you do happen to walk in on them," Liam chimes in, walking out from his bedroom, joggers on.

"We were, like, really close to finishing, okay?" Harry says defensively, "we couldn't just _stop_."

"God, you two are gross. Made for each other, I swear," Liam grumbles, digging his hand into the bowl of crisps.

"Baby, what do you want to eat? Are you hungry?" Louis asks Harry, resting one of his hands over Harry's that's on his stomach.

"I'm always hungry. I'll make a sandwich though. Don't worry," Harry kisses his back again. Louis shivers. Harry knows how much Louis likes that.

"So what are your plans from now onwards, Harry?" Liam asks, mouthful of crisps, chewing loudly.

Louis cringes. "Close your mouth when you chew," he can't help but scold him.

Liam rolls his eyes.

"Um, I don't know, really. I wanna visit mum and them soon and I just to need to unpack my stuff. I don't know, really. I didn't think about it."

"It's all right. We'll figure it out. Maybe we can go to your mum's this weekend, yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry agrees, "when do you guys start the semester again?"

"Three and half weeks," Liam says, "you thought about what you want to study? You might have to wait until the next semester to apply though, right?"

"Um, yeah," Harry clears his throat, "so I guess we'll have to make the most of these three and a half weeks together then."

"It's okay, Harry, you'll have me while they go off to uni," Niall says, smiling at him.

"Oh yeah," Harry shifts a bit, "you ever going back to uni?"

"Nah, I don't think so," Niall shakes his head, "it's not for me."

"I get that," Harry says, much to Louis' surprise. It's not that he wasn't an empathetic person or whatever, but he sounds like he really _does_ understand where Niall is coming from.

"Thanks, lad," Niall smiles softly, "I think you're one of the first people who hasn't judged me for it."

Louis and Liam look at each other before looking at Niall, confused.

"You two didn't outright judge me but I could see it in the way you looked at me when I told you," Niall mumbles, cheeks red, "it's fine--- I mean, I think you two eventually came to understand so, you know," he shrugs.

"Ni, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise--- we don't judge you, I hope you know," Louis says, worried. He didn't realise that that's how it looked to Niall. Maybe he did judge him at first but he didn't _mean_ to. He's just been told his whole life that that uni degree is the only thing that'll take you where you want to be in life. There's so many people he's seen and known in his life that haven't gotten a degree and always told him how much they regretted it.

"It's fine, Louis. I know. You two are still great friends, it's okay. Don't worry about it, yeah?"

"Seriously, Niall. We are sorry we weren't more understanding and supportive," Liam says sincerely, his big brown puppy eyes shining.

"I know, I know. Now come on, let's just enjoy the fact that we have Harry back here with us, okay? Take a beer and celebrate with us, Harry."

Harry asks Louis quietly to hand him one. Louis turns a little on his lap and places a kiss on his temple.

"I love you," Louis tells him.

"Love you too," Harry kisses his cheek.

"Okay, now that that sappy shit is over," Niall sighs, "here's to Harold. It's great to have you back, mate."

Harry grins, looking happy to be around his friends and with Louis on his lap. Louis is happy to have his boyfriend back.

*

By the end of the week, like Harry predicted, he was energised and back to his usual self again. When Louis wakes up on Friday, Harry is not snoring next to him.

Louis trudges into the kitchen, seeing Harry by the stove, flipping a pancake, singing to himself. Louis smiles fondly. When he wiggles his bum in his boxers, Louis laughs.

Harry gasps softly, turning to him. "How long have you been watching me, you weirdo?"

"Not long," Louis walks up to him, "you look better today... fresher."

"I feel better," Harry says, kissing Louis' cheek, "made some pancakes."

"Yes," Louis cheers, "missed your pancakes."

"I know," Harry grins, "so I was thinking, maybe we can visit mum and them on Thursday next week? I want to go out this weekend."

"You want to go out?" Louis asks curiously. He's been back for a week, so he's just surprised that Harry wants to get back out already.

"Yeah. I wanna go dancing. Niall says there's a nice club nearby," Harry says distractedly, pouring a generous amount of syrup over a stack of pancakes.

"You wanna go to a club? Already?"

Harry looks up at him, eyes searching Louis'. "Yeah," he replies eventually, "why?"

"No, just. I didn't think you'd want to get out so soon. And to a club no less. Haven't you had enough of those?" Louis asks with a small laugh.

"I mean, I just wanna go out with everyone," Harry huffs, "is that a bad thing?"

"No, I'm not saying that it is. I'm just saying that I'm surprised you want to go out already. I thought you'd want to stay at home for a bit."

"I've been home for the whole week. I want to go out," Harry says, sounding a little agitated, "we don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Hey, come on, babe. Don't put words in my mouth. I never said that. I would love to go out with you but maybe we should go somewhere a little less... crowded first? A restaurant, maybe? We could go out a date. Just you and I," Louis says, doing his best puppy dog eyes.

Harry sighs, looking at Louis for a bit. "Fine, yeah," he says quietly, "I do miss going out with you."

"Yeah? We could go to that fancy Greek place, since you like the food so much. Maybe we could go to the pub during the week with the boys."

"Okay," Harry laments, smiling, "you just want me all to yourself, don't you?"

Louis shrugs, a glint in his eyes that Harry seems to catch. "Always do."

"Maybe we can come home after our date and we could, you know," Harry bites his lip, "canoodle."

Louis snorts, pretty sure a few pieces of pancake come out of his mouth. "Don't ever fucking say that again or else we'll never have sex again."

Harry pouts. "You can't resist this, baby," Harry flips the non-existent hair over his shoulder.

Louis laughs, shaking his head. "Come here, babe," Louis turns on the stool, opening up his legs.

Harry fits between them, resting his arms around Louis' neck and meeting him in a kiss. Louis pulls him close by his waist, tasting the sweet syrup on his lips, feeling the soft skin under his fingertips, his hands getting used to Harry's broader back and shoulders, small waist, thicker thighs. It's all new but the same and Louis still can't get enough of him.

*

Life with Harry is new and exciting and it's all Louis has ever wanted for years now. They go out on a date on Sunday evening and Louis doesn't remember when last he's had so much of fun. He made Harry laugh so hard, he snorted juice out his nose and complained about only smelling guava for the next few hours.

The night even ended with Harry deepthroating Louis like a fucking pro, like he was hungry for it. Louis finished him off with his hand, kissing into Harry's mouth as he moaned.

The next few days were more or less the same, they spent what felt like hours making out, in the kitchen, on the bed, on the couch, even on the floor once. That one wasn't intentional. They'd just been on the couch and things got really heated, then they'd fallen onto the floor as a result. Louis' back hurt and Harry's knees bruised but they didn't even stop, they just laughed about it and got back to shoving their tongues in each other's mouths.

Liam, by God's grace, hasn't walked in on them doing anything ungodly. Not yet at least.

Harry joins Louis at his job for the first time during the week, excited about 'getting to see his man at work'. Louis blushed about it, reminding him that he was basically just a librarian and it wasn't that big of a deal. But Harry still smiled proudly while Louis did his job, asking random customers: 'that's my boyfriend, isn't he great?' To which most of them stared at Harry like he was growing another head or awkwardly smiled and walked away.

On Thursday afternoon, when they go to visit Harry's family, they throw him a small surprise party with a cake and a few balloons. Gemma cries when she sees him again, clinging onto him for the rest of the day and raving about her new boyfriend, Sam.

When they sit down for supper, however, is when Louis hears something Harry hasn't told him at all, not since he came back either. It's shocking him, how many things Harry hadn't told him now. Sure, the others were little things, but this was huge.

"What are you going to apply for, hon?" Anne asks.

Harry is quiet next to Louis for a while before looking up at her and clearing his throat. "Um, I was actually going to talk to you guys about that... I don't think I want to apply for anything."

Louis stops chewing on his mash, looking up at Harry questioningly. He doesn't seem to notice Louis' gaze or maybe he doesn't want to look back.

"What do you mean?" She asks, just as confused as Louis about all of this.

"I mean," he lets out a breath, dropping his spoon down, "I don't think I want to study anymore."

Louis widens his eyes, swallowing the food in his mouth that definitely wasn't chewed properly. He gauges Anne's reaction, pleased to find that she's just as shocked as Louis is.

"What? Harry, you agreed to study after your gap year, remember?" Anne says, her tone firm.

Harry swallows. Gemma is looking down at her half empty plate and Robin is looking between Anne and Harry but keeping quiet.

"I--- I know. But I just don't think it's for me. I mean, I took that time off to figure out what I want and I don't think I want to study anymore. It's just not for me."

Louis doesn't really know what to say. Harry's been here for almost two weeks and he hasn't mentioned it at all to Louis. Not even in the slightest. The last time they spoke, Harry said he'll look at when applications open. That was last weekend. What the hell changed from then to now?

"Honey, you're going to be twenty soon and you don't have anything behind your name besides finishing school. Do you realise how hard it is to get by in the world without a degree?"

"She's right, Harry," Robin chimes in, "I never studied and I struggled a lot to find a good job and that was in those days."

"I--- I get that," Harry stutters, swallowing again, "I just don't want to. I dont think its for me. I dont want to force myself to do something I won't put my all into--- that I have no interest in."

"When did all of this change? The last time we spoke, you agreed that you want to study when youre back," Anne says, letting out a sigh, "Harry, what are you going to do with your life if you dont study?"

"I'll find a job. I know it won't be anything fancy and it won't pay a lot but at least I'll be happy with what I'm doing. When I worked in Amsterdam and Italy, I worked in small cafés and restaurants and I was happy doing it."

"You can't work at a café for the rest of your life. You'll hardly get by," she says.

"I don't intend to. I just don't want to study. I think my passion is somewhere else," he says with earnest, biting on his bottom lip, "I know this is hard to understand but I know that I don't want to study. I want to do things by myself."

"That's just--- it's not realistic. You haven't even found a job yet here. Louis has one more year left before he's finished, you know?"

"Mum," Gemma says, tone warning but not harsh.

Louis feels a bit of panic once his name is mentioned. This whole time he hasn't said anything and now everyone is looking at him, including Anne who has an expectant look on her face. He feels like he's under pressure suddenly.

"And that's great," Harry says instead, "but it's not me, mum," he sighs, "I just--- I wanna do something else with my life."

"There's not much left to do without a degree," Anne bites, "god, Harry."

"Harry, are you sure you've thought this through?" Gemma asks, much softer and understanding than Anne.

"I did. I've thought about it for a while now," Harry reveals, "look, I dont expect you to be happy about it but I would like your support. I know I can do something big with my life but studying is not for me."

Anne sighs then she looks at Louis again. "Did you know about this?" She asks him.

Louis gulps, shaking his head then looking down at his plate, as if he's ashamed.

"You didn't?" She asks, then sighs again, "Harry, you're going to mess up your life. I've supported everything you want to do until now. You wanted to travel and I let you, we even paid for most of it. But now, I dont know if I can support this."

"Mum," Harry all but whimpers which catches Louis' attention, "please just think about it, okay? It'll make me happy. It wont be easy but I know it'll be worth it in the long run."

"I'm going to get the dessert," Anne announces, getting up from her seat. Then the table is left in complete silence. The tension is so thick, it can be cut with a knife.

"Maybe we should go," Harry says, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Louis ignores the agitation hes feeling for now.

"Maybe we should," Louis agrees.

"I'll talk to her, H," Gemma says, getting up from her seat and hugging them both. Harry nods but doesnt say anything else.

"It's not an easy thing to do, son," Robin tells him, "but she'll come around."

"Thank you," Harry tells him sincerely, "I'll, um, I'll talk to you guys soon."

"Don't worry about it," Gemma says with a reassuring smile, "have a safe ride home and message me when you get there, okay?"

Louis agrees to do that, grabbing his jacket and following Harry to the car. He offers to drive, knowing Harry hasn't driven in a while. Even if he could, Louis wouldn't let him in this state.

They both drive in silence. There's a storm hanging over them and Louis knows there's going to be a fight. It's still a little bit of an awkward position, because on one end, he wants to comfort Harry and ease his worries away but on the other he just wants to unleash the irritation and frustration inside of him. He just feels like this is something big that he should have at the very least mentioned to Louis.

It isn't until they go into the bedroom that Harry finally says something.

"Are you just not going to talk to me?" Harry asks, sitting at his side of the bed, shirt on the floor and hands in his lap.

"I'm not very happy with you right now," Louis sighs, pulling out a shirt to wear for bed from the dresser.

"You sound like my mum," Harry sighs.

"Harry, this is something huge," Louis says, shutting the drawer a little more harshly than he intended, "and you just completely blindsided me with this."

"God, Louis. Are you seriously making this about yourself?" Harry asks in disbelief, turning to him. He doesn't look sad anymore, just disappointed, maybe angry. He doesn't get to be angry, is the thing.

"This is not about me. This is about you keeping something so big to yourself, knowing that the decision doesn't just affect you, it affects both of us," Louis hisses. 

"How would me studying or not affect you in any way?" Harry asks with a huff. 

"If we're going to live together, I kind of need to know what youre doing with your life. To know whether or not we can even afford to stay together." 

"Nothing is going to change--- at least not a lot. I'm still going to get a job to help pay for staying here, I just won't be at campus with you anymore," he says, simmering down a little, "you didn't even say anything to defend me or help me with my mum, Lou." 

And no--- no, he doesn't get to feel that way. He doesn't get to look so sad about it. Louis doesn't need to feel guilty about that. 

"If it wouldn't whave affected us much, why didn't you just tell me? Why lead me on to think you're going to study by saying you're 1looking applications and whatever?" 

"Because I was scared," Harry says, sniffing. 

"Scared of what?" Louis asks incredulously. 

"Of you," he snaps, the words hanging in the air.

"What?" Louis asks, shocked, "what do you mean?" 

Harry sighs in exasperation. "Louis, I heard about the way you reacted with Niall. Would you really expect me to tell you that after what I heard?" 

Louis feels like he's been drenched with a bucket of cold water. "Harry, he also said that I eventually understood it, didn't he?" 

Harry laughs, the sound worthless and bitter. "You forget that I've known you most of your life, Louis. You didn't understand shit. If you did, you wouldn't be reacting like this about me." 

Louis inhales sharply. "That's not why I'm upset, Harry," he says calmly, honestly. He isn't upset about it. Maybe he doesnt understand it fully but he's willing to listen and try his best to. And God, all he wants is for Harry to be happy. If this would make him happy, who was Louis to say anything about it? 

Harry looks up at him, eyes filled with tears again, like it was earlier at his mum's. "I don't want to be judged, okay? I know what I'm doing doesn't fit your standards or whatever. But I want to do this." 

Louis' heart aches. He didn't think hed come across as someone so... narrow-minded? Someone who wont understand what his boyfriend wants in life. 

Louis sits down on his side of the bed, tentatively placing his hand over Harrys, like a form of peace offering. Thankfully, Harry doesn't pull away. 

"I'm sorry that I ever made you think that about me, Harry. I really, really am. I know I'm a strong-minded, stubborn asshole sometimes but you're you, babe. If you had to tell me that you wanted the moon I'd bring the sun and stars along with it." 

He sees Harry smile a bit, then move closer until he's turned to Louis. 

"I know my beliefs and values are different because its just the way I've grown up so I'm sorry if it makes me come across as unapproachable to you. That's the last thing I want." 

"I just... I was going to tell you, really," he says softly, "but then Niall said those things and I just didn't want to anymore. I thought it would be easier if I just told you with my family. I'm sorry." 

"I want to understand what youre feeling, okay? Just tell me what's on your mind and I'll do everything I can to be there for you." 

Harry smiles at him, fully this time. He shakes his head and takes both of Louis' hands into his. "I love you, Louis. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." 

"It's fine, okay? I know. I'm still a little mad but I just want to know now. Since when have you been thinking about all of this?" 

"Probably a few months now," Harry says. 

"Around the time you became a vegetarian?" Louis asks, in hopes to lighten the mood. 

Harry lets out a small laugh. "A little before that. My friend--- we kind of had, like a conversation about life and things and it made rethink a lot about my own." 

"I see," Louis nods, "and you decided that it would be best for you not to study then?" 

"Yeah. I just realized that I would be doing things that aren't going to make me happy. Why would I want to do that to myself?" 

Louis comprehends what hes saying and it really sinks in. He gets that. No one wants to intentionally make themsleves miserable. Louis is lucky that he's someone who enjoys what he's doing and what he's studying, even if it can be a pain in the ass sometimes. 

"I understand," Louis says, and he feels like he does, even if its only a little bit, "I want to support you with whatever you want to do but babe, you need to decide what you want from here on out." 

Harry nods seriously. "I know," he sighs, "I feel awful. I'm sorry. I know that you're not this horrible, close-minded person. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you if you were." 

Louis blushes at that. He grips Harry's hands tighter, rubbing his thumb over Harry's skin. 

"I didn't want this to turn into a fight or anything," Harry mumbles, "I know I have some shit to get together but I'm going to start. I'm going to start looking for a job from tomorrow, I think." 

"Okay. We'll look for some stuff together, yeah? We'll figure this out," Louis kisses both of his hands. Harry smiles at him before leaning forward and kissing him softly. 

Louis kisses him back, their foreheads touching when he stops. 

"Cuddle?" Harry asks, "an 'I'm-sorry-cuddle?" 

Louis grins, nodding. "Get in the blankets, I'll come in just now. Just gonna get something to eat. Do you want anything?" 

"You're still hungry," Harry teases, poking his stomach. 

"Oi, you know I need something sweet to eat before bed," Louis says, squirming away and getting off the bed. 

"Sorry I ruined dessert," Harry winces. 

"It's fine, baby," Louis leans forward, bending to kiss his forehead, "she'll come around, okay? If you want me to, I'll talk to her. Maybe when I understand it a little bit better. You'll talk to me, yeah?" 

Harry nods. "Yeah. I'll give her some time. I'm just--- it's annoying you know? I know she's this big time CEO with a degree but I wish she would have taken a moment to just hear me out." 

"I know," Louis frowns, getting up again, "I promise you, she'll understand, okay?" 

Harry nods shortly, looking unconvinced. 

"I'll bring you some chocolate," Louis says, then makes his way to the kitchen to dig around for some chocolate in his secret stash. 

"You guys okay?" 

Louis jumps, holding a hand over his heart. "Liam, fuck." 

"Sorry, just heard some loud voices and then you guys were arguing," Liam says, "so are you guys okay?" 

"Yeah," Louis sighs, shutting the cupboard, "he just... he decided he doesn't want to study anymore." 

Liams eyes widen. "Oh." 

"Yeah, so," Louis shrugs, "we sorted it out though." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, Li. Thank you. Sorry for waking you," Louis apologises. 

"It's fine. Needed some water anyways," Liam says, then side-steps Louis to get to the sink. 

"Night, Payno," Louis gives him a salute and heads back to the bedroom with a slab of chocolate in his hand. 

Harry is under the covers when he walks in, smiling at Louis. Louis joins him, breaking a few pieces of chocolate and crunching on it while he slips underneath the duvet. 

Louis holds Harry tightly while they fall off to sleep. He's still not entirely happy that he's been kept in the dark about the whole thing but he's doing his best to try and understand it too. 

They're clearly different people when it comes to certain things and this is one of them. The best he can do is try and understand it from a different perspective. 

* 

"Are you okay, love?" Louis asks him, staring at Harry from between his legs. 

Harry nods, face and chest flushed, sweat gathering along his forehead. 

Louis goes back to pumping his fingers in and out of Harry in a torturing pace, making him moan softly, hands gripping the sheets when Louis angles them just right, hitting his prostate dead on. 

"Ready. I'm ready, Lou," he breathes out, already a mess. 

Louis pulls his fingers out slowly. He can do this all day--- tease Harry. He loves watching Harry go mad with pleasure. 

Louis grabs the condom and lube, slicking himself up after pushing the condom on. Harry watches him with parted lips and a hand over his cock. 

He leans over Harry, batting Harry's hand away from his cock and kissing him. Harry moans into his mouth while Louis reaches down to push his cock inside of him.

He inches in slowly, watching Harry's mouth drop open in pure bliss. He turns his head into the pillow once Louis is bottomed out, causing them both to let out a groan. 

Harry's thighs wrap around Louis' waist, pushing the angle even deeper. 

"Fuck, you feel amazing," Louis breathes out. 

"'S been so long, Lou," he says, running his hands down Louis' back, "want you to fuck me hard." 

Louis whimpers at that, pulling out before slamming back in, the force knocking a breath out of Harry. 

"Want it like that, baby?" He asks, doing it again. 

"Oh, fuck. Yes," Harry grips onto Louis' back, his pink lips parted. 

Louis runs his tongue over Harry's lips obscenely before licking into his mouth and quickening the pace of his thrusts. 

Harry lets out sweet whimpers underneath him, nails scratching down Louis' back. When Louis finds his prostate, he arches his back and neck, eyes rolling to the back of his head. 

"Louis, fuck," he moans, "again, again," he demands in a breath. 

Harry's wish is Louis' command. He pistons his hips against Harry's arse, their skin slapping together, echoing in the room. 

"Fuck," Louis grunts, attaching himself to the column of Harry's neck, sucking a bruise onto the skin. He reaches down for Harry's thighs and pulls them even further up his body. 

"Oh--- oh, Louis," he gasps, the feeling of them fucking again being too overwhelming in the best way possible. 

Louis can feel Harry's cock rubbing between their tummies with each thrust, gaining some friction. Harry is a whimpering, writhing mess underneath him and Louis can't help but lean back a little and look. 

He looks absolutely wrecked, mouth agape, a little bit of drool escaping with his face turned to the side, eyes squeezed shut. 

"You're so tight, baby," Louis slows down, his thrusts becoming deep and filling Harry to the brim. "Saving it just for me, weren't you, babe?" 

Harry nods, back arching again, their chests presses together. "All for you, Lou. Only for you." 

Louis grins lazily, kissing his forehead then underneath his eye, his cheekbone and finally his smiling lips. 

"Love you," Harry mumbles against him, breathing heavily once he pulls away. Louis fastens his pace again, their bodies flushed together, no space at all left between them.

"Love you too," Louis says, becoming just as breathless as Harry now. He only reaches down to touch Harry's cock because he's close, when Harry comes with a loud moan and whimpering as he spills over his stomach. 

Louis curses under his breath as Harry's walls tighten around his cock. He pushes in deep, deep and stays there while he releases into the condom with a stuttering breath and his face tucked into Harry's neck. 

He's thrusting lazy into him still as he rides out his orgasm, Harry whining as Louis fucks into his sensitive hole. When Louis stops, finally worn out, he collapses onto Harry, breathing heavily. 

Harry runs his hand through Louis' hair while they both try and catch their breath. "That was amazing," Harry exhales, "forgot how much I loved that." 

Louis smiles lop-sidedly and leans up again to pull out his softening cock and dispose of the condom to the side of the bed. He leans over Harry again and pecks him twice before laying down next to him.

"It's been way too long since we've done that," Louis huffs, extending his arm out for Harry to cuddle into him. 

Harry obliges, resting his head on Louis' chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. "I love you," he says, placing a kiss on Louis' nipple. 

Louis giggles, squirming away. "Love you, too, babe. Don't you wanna clean up?" 

Harry shakes his head. "Just wanna be here with you," he says quietly, tracing patterns onto Louis' abdomen. 

"Okay," Louis agrees easily, "did you go to that interview today at the grocery store?" 

Harry nods. "Yeah. You're looking at the new cashier there," he snorts. 

"What? Really?" Louis pulls back a little to look at him. "That's great, love." 

"I guess so," Harry murmurs, "I want to apply at RJ's though. I've always wanted to work there. Or just--- I don't know, I've always liked working at restaurants and cafés and stuff." 

Louis hums. "Well, it's a start," he says, running his fingertips down Harry's back, "I'll look out for anything new around campus too." 

"That would be great," Harry looks up at him, smiling, "thank you." 

Louis pecks his lips again. "You're welcome." 

"No, really," Harry says seriously, "thank you for everything you do and the person you are. I wouldn't be able to do a lot if it wasn't for you being there and supporting me." 

Louis moves some hair from Harry's forehead, eyebrows furrowed. "Of course, love. Don't even mention it." 

Harry leans into his touch, grinning sweetly. "So are we going out this weekend? Finally go to the club?" 

Louis laughs. "Yeah, okay. Saturday night though. We start uni again on Wednesday the following week." 

"Oh," Harry pouts, "Right, you're going to leave me to study." 

Louis chuckles. "I'm still going to be right here, just not with you the whole day." 

"I know," Harry mumbles.

"And you're going to be working during the day now most of the week anyways. What's going to happen when I don't have class during the day and want a cuddle?" 

"You'll have to come to the store and cuddle me then," Harry giggles, "in front of everyone." 

Louis chuckles. "You know, I would have no problem doing that." 

"I know," he smiles softly, "you can come visit me every now and then though, right?" 

"Yeah, of course. I'll be as enthusiastic about you at work like you were with me." 

Harry snorts, shaking his head. "Your boss scolded me for scaring away the customers." 

"What?" Louis asks, eyebrows raised in amusement, "you didn't tell me this." 

"It was while you were using the bathroom. She came over and told me she'd appreciate it if I stopped speaking to the customers since I don't work there in the first place." 

Louis cackles. "Oh my God. She didn't say anything to me either. When was it though? Because you didn't exactly stop." 

"It was like an hour before your shift ended so I just figured," he shrugs, "why not just carry on." 

Louis laughs softly, shaking his head. "You've always been my biggest fan, huh?" He cards his fingers through Harrys curls, leaning down a little so that their foreheads are touching. 

"Yeah. Always will be," Harry whispers, kissing him softly, "I believe in you. You can do anything." 

Louis smiles, soft and fond. Harry has always believed in him, that is true. Maybe it's time he does the same for him. 

* 

It all starts going to shit during the last week of Louis' holiday, before he and Liam start campus again. Harry is stirring on the couch, giggling at his phone in intervals for at least ten minutes.

"Who are you talking to?" Louis asks curiously, trying his best not to peer over and look at his phone.

"My friend," Harry says absently, typing out a reply, "remember the one I told you about that spoke to me and help me put things about my life into perspective a little?"

"Right," Louis nods, "didn't know you kept in contact with them."

He feels like he doesn't know a lot about Harry now. First the little things and now bigger things. Still, he shrugs it off because maybe, it's just not that important.

"Um, do you mind if we pick him up from the airport?" Harry asks, looking up at Louis.

Louis frowns. So they're a he. Okay. "Uh, I guess? When are they coming?"

"Friday afternoon," Harry replies.

"Okay, and, um, why are they coming, exactly?"

He tries not to sound like he's suspicious or anything. He doesn't want to be _that_ person.

"He stays in London but when we met, I told him to come visit me in Manchester," Harry explains, thankfully not catching onto Louis' tone.

"Okay," he says, "I guess we could pick him up then."

"Thanks," Harry leans over and kisses his cheek, "you're the best."

"So, why haven't I heard about him before?" Louis asks, keeping his voice measured.

Harry shrugs, focused on his phone. "Hey, can he come with us to the club on Saturday?"

"Sure. He's going to be here for how long, exactly?"

"Few weeks, I think. Before he goes to London. He has a flat in London and he's going to start working there soon."

"Okay," Louis says, licking his lips, "that's nice?"

"Yeah, he's a photographer. His work is sick," Harry grins, then looks up at Louis, "we should visit him when he moves."

"Maybe we should wait for him come here first," Louis mutters, "are you going to watch the movie or should I put it off?"

Harry frowns at him. "I'm just talking to him. You can keep the movie playing."

"That's not exactly how we're supposed to watch a movie together," Louis says, sighing, grabbing the remote and switching the movie off.

"Louis," Harry says on a laugh of disbelief, "I'm just trying to help him sort out things for coming here."

"Yeah and you chose to do it while we're supposed to be watching our movie that you asked to put on, mind you," Louis gets off the couch with a huff, taking his empty glass to the sink.

"You're being weird," Harry says, his voice becoming louder which means he's following Louis to the kitchen. Not that it's even that far away from the lounge anyways.

"I'm not being weird," Louis grumbles, washing his cup, "I'm washing a dish."

"You're washing a dish?" Harry repeats, laughing.

Louis glares at him.

Harry sighs in defeat, body sagging. "Why are you being weird about this? He's a friend. One of my best friends, actually."

"Best friends?" Louis asks, drying his hands on the cloth, "how long have you known him?"

"Three months?" Harry shrugs nonchalantly, "anyways, he's great, Louis. You two will get along really well, I promise."

Before Louis can reply, Liam and Niall come bursting in, laughing about something or another. They fall silent upon seeing Louis and Harry, maybe feeling the tension between them in the room.

"Lads," Niall greets warily, "everything all right?"

"Fine," Louis says, "Harry's friend is coming to visit."

Harry sighs.

"Friend?" Niall asks curiously, placing the packet he has in his hand down onto the counter. Liam goes to the fridge, opening it up and pushing in a six-pack of beer.

He meets Louis' eyes, sending him a questioning look. Louis shakes his head, looking down from where he's leaning against the counter.

"He's a _friend_ I made while I was travelling and he's great. You guys will love him," Harry says confidently.

"That's great," Niall says, looking unsure about it, eyes moving back and forth from Louis to Harry, "when is he coming?"

"Friday," Louis answers for him, "and we're going to pick him up at the airport."

His tone is petty and bitter and it's not Louis' proudest trait, the way he gets jealous easily. He just can't help it sometimes.

Harry looks at him in disbelief, shaking his head as if hes disappointed. "If you don't want to pick him up, I'll tell him to find someone else."

"I didn't say anything. I said we would, didn't I?"

Harry huffs, turning away from Louis. "Hey, Ni, can we go for a drive? I need to get some toiletries."

"Uh, sure," Niall says, looking as uncomfortable as ever with the whole situation.

Louis doesn't bother to look at them as they leave, instead making a move to the fridge, where Liam is still near, and pull out a bottle for himself.

"What happened, Louis?" Liam asks, eyeing his friend worriedly.

"He has a friend coming over to 'visit him' that I had no idea about until today, _two days_ before he fucking arrives _and_ we're picking him up at the airport," Louis scoffs, twisting the cap opened and taking a gulp of the liquid.

"Oh," Liam blinks, eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" Louis asks him.

"You're being irrationally jealous, aren't you?" Liam asks bluntly.

Louis gapes at him. "What do you mean 'irrationally'?" He asks.

"Means that you have no reason to be jealous of a new friend Harry's made, Louis. He's allowed to make new friends outside of our group."

"I'm not--- I'm mad because he hasn't even mentioned this supposed friend before and now all of a sudden, he's coming over to visit and we're picking him up."

"He's never mentioned the friend before?"

"I mean, he mentioned him once since he's come back but they've been friends for, like, three months," Louis says, his anger simmering down, realising that maybe he is overreacting to this whole thing.

"Louis," Liam says his name as if he's tired about it, shaking his head, "mate, what's the big deal? He's just a friend. You trust Harry, don't you?"

"I do," he mumbles, his fingernails digging into the sticker on the beer bottle.

"I understand that you're not happy about him telling you sooner, I do, but you don't have anything to be mad about, Louis. He's back here with you, focus on that. Meet this friend of his that he seems excited about, from the looks of it."

"I don't like it when you're right," Louis mumbles, taking another sip of his beer.

"Sometimes you need a kick up your bum. You get jealous way too easily," Liam chuckles lowly, patting his back, "now you have to apologise to your boyfriend for being a twat and go back to being disgustingly sweet and sappy with each other again."

"Fine, only because you asked so nicely," Louis grins sweetly.

Liam flips him off. "I'm going to use the bathroom," he informs Louis, "pick out some snacks and a movie and lets get frisky," he says wiggling his brows.

Louis looks at him like he's ridiculous because he is. "I don't think you know what that word means, Payno."

Liam doesn't reply, just giggles on his way to the bathroom. Louis sighs, looking down at the floor. He's not entirely happy about the whole situation with Harry but he was being irrationally jealous. He's notorious for doing that, especially when they were younger.

But, they're not in secondary anymore. Louis is going to be twenty-one in a few months and Harry is going to be twenty shortly after. He can't keep acting like that. Even though he still feels like he can be mad about not knowing sooner. He could have handled that a little better.

Louis takes out some crisps and Liam picks out a movie--- some new comedy movie on Netflix that he's been dying to watch. They're setting the snacks down onto the coffee table when Niall walks in with Harry again.

Louis watches Harry grin at something Niall says while taking off his shoes. Sometimes Louis has to take a step back and remind himself that he's really fucking lucky to have someone like Harry. He's beautiful inside and out.

He must start smiling unconsciously at him because Harry catches his gaze and smiles back, timid and small. Louis takes the opportunity to walk up to him and ask to talk privately in the kitchen.

Niall excuses himself to the lounge and Louis leads the way to the kitchen, Harry behind him.

"Sorry," they say in unison.

"Let me go first?" Louis asks, smiling at the tension that's been a relieved, even if it's only by a little bit.

Harry nods, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Sorry for overreacting," he says, "I guess I was just upset you didn't mention much about this friend of yours earlier and now we have to pick them up from the airport and it's just like... I don't even know them, you know?"

Harry nods. "I'm sorry. I didn't--- I don't know why I didn't mentioned him sooner. We don't have to pick him up at the airport if you don't want to."

"No, no. It's okay," Louis reassures him, "we can pick him up. I want to meet him."

"Yeah?" Harry asks, searching his eyes.

"Yeah, I do."

"Good," Harry smiles, "you two will get along really well, mark my words."

"Yeah, yeah," Louis rolls his eyes, "let's go watch the movie now, yeah?"

"Okay," Harry agrees, holding out his hand. Louis intertwines their fingers as they walk back into the lounge together.

*

Ever since their talk in the kitchen, where Louis agreed to be opened into meeting this new friend of Harry's, Harry can't stop talking about him.

It's like a switch flipped in him and now all he can talk about is this new friend. About how they went to Greece together after meeting in Germany and how they had a lot in common.

Louis is not jealous--- not really. A part of him does wish that it could have been him that had all these stories and experiences with Harry but it's not like he's jealous. He's _not_.

Especially after Harry fucking him into the mattress this morning. It's hard to be jealous after that. The ache in his bum is being worn proudly, he would say.

The way Harry bounces excitedly on his toes while waiting for his friend reminds Louis of himself, only a month ago, waiting for Harry to come back home.

God, it's been a month since Harry's been back. It doesn't feel like it. It barely feels like it's been a week.

"He has black hair and like, the longest fucking eyelashes, I swear to god," Harry explains.

Louis blinks, realising that he's been speaking the entire time.

Louis stuffs his hands into his coat pockets. "Sorry, what?"

Harry looks at him, expression agitated. "I'm telling you how he looks, Lou, just in case you see him and I don't."

"Oh. Um, okay," Louis clears his throat, looking around. Truthfully, he's not looking really. His mind is a little all over his place.

Then it hits him.

"Harry, what's his na---"

Right then, Harry yells out, "Zayn!" And waves his hands about to get Zayn's attention.

It's easy to spot him after the description Harry gave him. He's achingly beautiful.

Harry literally runs into him and hugs him so tightly, he lifts Zayn off the ground a little bit.

Okay. Fine. Whatever. He didn't do that to Louis but whatever.

They pull away after what feels ages and Zayn finally notices Louis, walking up to him in short strides.

"Hey, mate," Zayn says, extending a hand out for a handshake, "you must be Lewis."

"Louis," he amends, shaking Zayn's hand. Firm grip. Okay. That's a good thing, right? Louis hopes his own grip is just as firm.

"Oh. Harry told me it's Lewis," Zayn tilts his head.

Harry shoves his shoulder playfully. "He's just fucking around. I didn't tell him that."

"He didn't," Zayn laughs, tongue pressed against his teeth, "he just told me it would piss you off."

Oh. What a great first impression. Do something that'll piss off your friend's boyfriend. Well done.

"It does," Louis smiles tightly, their tight hug still playing in his mind.

"Sorry, mate," Zayn says, with an apologetic smile, "I can be an arse sometimes."

"Right, I see that," Louis forces a smile that Harry doesn't buy but Zayn seems to, smiling at Louis.

"He's almost as cheeky as me," Zayn chuckles, "you chose well, Hazza."

Hazza. That's--- that's Louis' nickname for Harry. He hasn't used it in a while, yes, but that's because they started dating and Louis is a fan of petnames so he started using those instead--- and God, why is he getting upset over something so stupid?

"Thanks, Z," Harry smiles, shaking his head as if he's shaking off Louis' obvious behaviour, "how was your flight?"

Zayn tells them a very descriptive story about a lady with a baby who sat next to him and asked him to hold her baby who then threw up on Zayn. He uses his hands to talk a lot, Louis notices.

And his voice has the same sort of somber timber to it that Harry's does. And he's soft spoken too. But his words--- when he does speak--- hold a thousand pictires. It's not hard to see why Harry was so drawn to him. And Louis has only just met him.

That and he's insanely attractive. Louis has already noticed that when he first saw him, but you can't not notice it afterwards. His hair is thick and dark and he has these mysterious sort of tattoos everywhere with a plain old band shirt and leather jacket that's a little torn at the back. Louis would die if that were his jacket.

On the way to Zayn's hotel, he and Harry talk the whole way. Harry seems relaxed whilst simultaneously excited as he speaks. His eyes sparkle as he asks about Zayn's last month abroad without Harry.

Louis can see Harry get a little pouty and sad when Zayn tells him about everything he experienced, from undercooked fish that gave him an upset tummy for almost a week to scuba-diving in Dubai.

"You would love Dubai, Harry. Everything there is just incredible; the people, the food, the buildings--- just, everything," Zayn says, as if hes in awe.

"That sounds amazing, Z. Wish I was there with you. Dont think I could have done the scuba-diving though," he laughs.

Wish I was there with you.

Louis almost scoffs.

"You and I both know that I could have convinced you do it eventually," Zayn says with a smug tone.

"You're right," Harry shakes his head, "Hey, speaking of convincing, do you wanna go out with us to the club tomorrow evening?"

Louis wonders if he could convince Harry to do anything. He can be persuasive too.

He sighs to himself. God, he's being all weird about this again, isn't he?

"Oh, a club?" Zayn says. Louis can see him smirking through the rear view mirror.

"Yes," Harry smiles, "you in?"

"Of course. Anything to see you get wasted and embarrass yourself on the dance floor again," Zayn replies with a teasing glint in his eyes.

Focus on the road, Louis. _Focus_ , he reminds himself.

"Shut up," Harry snorts, straining his neck even further to face Zayn from the passenger seat, "it's like you forget that youre worse than me."

"Worse than you?" Zayn scoffs out a laugh, "babes even the oldies didnt wanna dance with you, remember?"

 _Babes_. Louis frowns. Fine. Whatever.

"Shut up," Harry mumbles, cheeks pink, "don't be ageist. They weren't even that old."

"They were from a senior citizens home!" Zayn says incredulously.

"Still," Harry argues weakly.

"You went to a club with senior citizens?" Louis asks, eyebrows pinched together in confusion.

"No," Harry snorts, shaking his head, "it was this event they had a hotel we stayed at and they had an open bar so we got a little wild and joined their bingo night."

Then Zayn and him share a laugh like its the funniest thing ever.

Louis ignores the way his stomach turns at that. Irrational jealousy. Right.

"Oh. Sounds... fun," Louis attempts at a smile, "um," he clears his throat, "you said The Hillside hotel right?"

Zayn nods, looking at Louis through the rear view mirror. "Harry says it's not too far from where you guys are staying."

"It's like a ten minute walk," Harry confirms with a grin, "you can come over one of the days and we'll give you a tour of the flat. There's not much to see but it's home."

He looks at Louis, passing him a brief smile. That at least warms Louis' heart a bit.

"That's great, man. You land a job yet?"

"Yeah," Harry hums, "cashier at a grocery store," he smiles sheepishly.

"Awesome. I know where to buy my groceries from now," Zayn says.

"Oh shut it," Harry clicks his tongue, "it's not much but it should do for now."

"I think it's great," Zayn says, sounding sincere, "everybody starts somewhere, yeah? And there's nothing wrong with what you're doing anyway."

He watches Harry smile softly, like he appreciates what Zayn said. "Thanks, Z. I really missed you, you know?"

Louis' heart lurches. He wonders if he comforted Harry like that, when he had those doubts and voiced them out to Louis.

"Missed you too," Zayn reaches forward and ruffles Harry's hair in a boyish manner but it still makes Louis frown.

When they drop Zayn off, he departs with a hug to Harry and an awkward kind of wave to Louis. It doesn't even take Harry five minutes before he's asking Louis about Zayn, looking like an excited puppy.

"What did you think of him? He's great isn't he?"

Louis chooses over his next words carefully. He laughs, hoping it doesn't sound as fake or nervous as he feels. "I've barely gotten to know him, babe."

"Yeah, but so far. He's great, isn't he? You and him have a similar sense of humour."

Louis only hums at him with a forced smile. Harry is Harry so of course he picks up on it and frowns at Louis. He can read Louis like an opened book. It's scary.

"What is it?" He asks, turning a little to face Louis.

"Nothing, just," Louis sighs, "I didn't realise you guys are so close."

"Oh. Uh, yeah. We both met and we were travelling alone so I guess we just found company with each other and got along really well."

For some reason, Louis doesn't like the way that sounds. He doesn't say anything though, just nods shortly.

"Is it a problem that I'm close to someone else?" Harry asks, eyes narrowing from what Louis can see in his peripheral vision.

"I didn't say it is," Louis says calmly, passing Harry a look, "all I'm saying is that I didn't realise you two are so close, that's all."

"But it's the way you said it," Harry exhales, "look, we agreed you'd give him a chance, right? So please do that. For me."

Louis looks at him briefly, seeing that Harry kind of looks desperate about it. He lets out a sigh.

"I am and I will," Louis says, "I like his tattoos," he offers with a smile.

"We got matching ones," Harry reveals with a smile, "he had a tattoo gun so we gave each other tattoos."

They have matching tattoos after only three months of being friends? That's--- it's absurd is what it is. Sure he and Harry have complementary ones but not matching ones.

Louis knits his brows together. "You have matching tattoos?" He asks, his tone confused and sounding a little like he's irritated about it. Maybe he is.

"Yeah. They're literally just dots on out ankle bones," Harry shrugs, "no big deal."

"Right," Louis huffs, "and you didn't even tell me about them when I asked if you got any new ones."

"Louis, I just forgot, okay?" He laughs like he's in disbelief. "I was badly jetlagged then too so it slipped my mind."

"Matching tattoos with your friend just happened to slip your mind," Louis deadpans.

"They're literally just dots. Don't overreact," Harry says with a warning edge to his tone, "we have tattoos that go together too."

"Not matching ones," Louis scoffs.

"Jesus, do you want matching ones ? I thought we agreed that complementary ones are better and more original."

They did but that's not the point.

"I'm just saying you haven't told me much about Zayn and I'm beginning to think that there mi---" he cuts himself off.

He doesn't think that. He can't think that. Harry is a faithful partner and Louis knows Harry loves him. He's just not sure how much anymore. Or whether that's enough or not.

"I dare you to finish that sentence," Harry spits, voice low.

"That's not what I mean," Louis sighs, "I didn't--- I trust you."

"It sure as hell doesn't seem like it," Harry scoffs.

"I--- it's just--- can we just drop it?" Louis asks, agitated. He doesn't want to fight. That's the last thing he wants to do.

On top of everything, he's just really fucking tired. He's been preparing for uni and keeping up with his job and then Harry and his friends and family. It's just a lot. And it's probably only going to get worse when uni starts again.

"Fine," Harry mumbles, looking out of the window, arms crossed over his chest.

It's definitely not fine with him, that much is evident. And he'll probably bring it up again at some stage because Louis knows Harry, and he knows that it'll sit on his head for only so long before he explodes.

Whereas with Louis, he can ignore their problems for a little while longer than Harry and he's going to do that as much as he can with this one.

He's not sure why he feels the need to, only that he must.

* 

They didn't really talk to each the rest of the day yesterday and today. It consists of short, hostile replies from each other. And they're both fucking stubborn so they'll hold out as long as possible because neither one of them likes to admit when they're wrong. They both hate being the one to say sorry first. It's going to become a bit of a problem if it hasn't already.

Liam notices their odd behaviour and pulls Louis to the side, before they leave to the club tonight. Louis honestly isn't in the mood to go but he knows Harry has been wanting to since he came back. For reasons still unbeknownst to him. He's been partying and clubbing and what-have-you for over a year now.

God, he sounds like an old fart. Since when did he get so boring?

"What's going on between you two?" Liam asks in a whisper, glancing at Louis' bedroom door just in case.

"Nothing," Louis sighs. The situation is complicated enough as it is. Louis doesn't even know why the fuck they're fighting anymore.

"Bullshit," Liam calls him out, "you two haven't been clingy with each for over a day now. What's happening?"

"Nothing, Li. It's nothing," Louis snaps, "we're a couple and we fight--- it's normal."

"You two have been fighting a lot lately," Liam mumbles.

"What do you mean?" Louis asks, frowning.

"Just--- it's like little things you two seem to fight about and it's just," he shrugs, "weird that's all."

"We're just adjusting to living with each other now. It's bound to be a little rocky now and then," Louis says, "we'll be fine."

Liam nods vigorously. "I know you will be fine. You two have to be. I mean, you guys are like, the dream team," he laughs, "I'm just pointing out what I've been seeing, that's all."

"Yeah, well. It's normal and we'll be fine," Louis mutters, sounding like he's convincing himself too.

Before he has a chance to dwell on it any further, Harry trudges out of the room, catching the two of them and looking between them.

"Is something wrong?" He asks.

"No, let's get going, come on," Louis says, hastily walking towards the door after grabbing a jacket.

The ride there is silent. Liam only asks if Zayn is going to get there on his own and Harry says he'll be coming with a taxi. That's news to Louis but he's not surprised since they haven't really spoken to each other since yesterday afternoon.

Going to bed was awkward. They're both big on cuddling, even if it's the middle of summer and scorching hot outside. It's the first time Louis hadn't held Harry since he's come back. The thought makes him stomach turn.

Louis offers to get them drinks once they find a place to sit at and wait for Niall and Zayn to come. Luckily, despite the loud music, it's not too hard to hear any of them speak, even if Harry mumbles out what he wants to Louis.

Louis didn't think he had to, really. His go-to has been rum and coke for years now--- or it had been at least. Apparently he wants a vodka cranberry now.

Lately, it seems like everything about Harry is changing and Louis can't keep up.

When Louis gets back, Zayn and Niall are there, Zayn being introduced by Harry to Liam and Niall with Harry's hand over his shoulders, grinning.

Louis' jaw clenches. He really fucking hates this.

"Lads," Louis offers as a greeting to both, Niall and Zayn, purposefully taking a seat next to Liam at the end of the booth.

The action doesn't go unnoticed by Niall and Liam. Niall who frowns at him and Liam who looks like a disappointed dad. Niall squeezes in next to Liam, followed by Zayn then Harry at the end, sitting directly opposite Louis. Great. Now there'll be heavy awkward eye glances between them.

"So, what are we drinking?" Zayn asks, looking at everyone.

"Oh, uh, Louis got us a beers and Harry a vodka cranberry," Liam says.

"Oh, your favourite," Zayn says, nudging Harry's arm.

"What happened to the infamous rum and coke?" Niall asks. And yeah, Louis would love to know too. Since when is vodka his favourite thing to drink?

"Ugh, horrible incident where I threw that up for like, a day straight, so I can't even smell that anymore without wanting to puke," Harry wrinkles his nose.

"God, France was horrible, wasn't it?" Zayn says sympathetically, his perfect brows furrowing.

Wait-

"France?" Louis asks with a frown, "I thought you guys have been friends for a little over three months or summat. France was one of the first few places you went to, after Italy."

Harry swallows. He opens his mouth to reply but Zayn speaks before he does.

"Technically that's true. We met for the first time in France, like, what, seven months ago? But I didn't see him again until Ibiza," he explains.

Oh. "Harry didn't say," Louis mutters, pointedly giving Harry a cold look before taking a sip of his beer.

Harry looks down, his own jaw clenches.

"Uh, how about we get some drinks?" Niall suggests, clearing his throat.

"Sounds good to me," Zayn says with a smile, "What does everyone drink?"

"I'll go get them," Harry says, "Just tell me what you're having, Niall."

"Just a beer for me," Niall says.

"Okay," he mumbles and gets up from his seat.

"You're not asking Zayn?" Liam asks him, looking confused.

"Oh, uh---"

"He knows what I like," Zayn winks at him and Louis feels sick.

"I'll just---" Harry murmurs, gesturing to the bar with his thumb before walking away.

"So, Zayn," Liam says, probably feeling the daggers Louis is sending Zayn right now, "how's Manchester so far?"

"Haven't had a chance to appreciate much yet. Been sleeping the whole day," he chuckles, "but I think I'll do something tomorrow afternoon. Any suggestions?"

Liam and Niall give him spots to visit, restaurants that are cheap to eat at with great food and even where he can get a haircut before Harry comes back with Niall's and Zayn's drinks.

Zayn's looks like either a vodka tonic or a gin and tonic. He thanks Harry with a smile before sipping his drink. He nods, looking impressed.

"Not bad. They make it well here," he says in approval.

"Hell yeah they do," Niall grins.

"Not as good as a pub I used to go to back home though. They made a mean gin and tonic."

"Where are you from?" Liam asks curiously.

"Bradford," he answers. Makes sense; Louis can hear it in his accent now. At least he hasn't lost any of it.

"Sick," Niall says, "I've never been."

"Me neither," Liam says.

"Well, whenever you boys need a tour, let me know. I'll free up my schedule and everything."

Niall and Liam chuckle. The night goes on the same. Niall and Liam mostly entertain Zayn, asking him questions about what he does, where he's been to etcetera.

He's a great storyteller, Louis will give him that.

Harry and Louis mostly remain quiet, only chiming in every now and then with a comment or two.

At one point, Liam raves about how well Harry can cook after Zayn says he can't cook for shit.

Harry blushes under the attention. "I'm not that great, honestly."

"You are," Zayn insists, "made me a great omelette."

Harry snorts, shaking his head.

"You know what he's also good at?" Zayn asks rhetorically, "being photogenic as fuck."

"He is," Niall agrees, "the camera loves him."

"Oh yeah. My boss seemed to think so too, back in Spain. When I showed him some shots with Harry in them, he even offered Harry a deal to model for the company."

Louis widens his eyes. He's fucking pretty, there's no doubt about it. But he didn't even fucking mention that when he was telling them all about his travelling and shit. It seems huge, why didn't he? He told a bloody story about a duck who couldn't stop chasing him in Amsterdam more times than Louis can count but this he doesn't even mention.

"You didn't tell us that," Niall says, apparently exactly what Louis is thinking, "that's huge."

"Oh it is," Zayn says, "the company I work for does shoots for all kinds of models for different things, but Harry here, declined the offer."

Harry is still looking down, his cheeks still flushed. He gives everyone a one-shoulder shrug. "Didn't want to," he answers.

"Said it would be too complicated once he goes home and I was surprised," Zayn says, sipping his drink again.

"Why?" Liam asks.

"I don't know. It's just so crazy to me, like even only knowing him back then for like three weeks, I can't believe he wants to settle down, you know?" Zayn comments, looking at Harry, "I swear, when I met you, I never thought you'd be the type of person who wants that."

"He's always wanted that," Louis butts in, unable to help himself, "from the time he was little, I mean."

Harry looks up at him, at least having the decency to look a little apologetic about everything. He should fucking be.

"You'd never say," Zayn trails off then shakes his head, "anyways, enough about that, let's dance, yeah? It's what we came for after all."

"I am down for that," Niall agrees, downing the last bit of his beer.

"Great," Zayn cheers, "you guys coming?"

"I'll sit with Louis for a bit but I'll join you guys in a few," Liam says. Bless him.

Harry goes with them. Of course he does. They both know that if he stayed in the booth with Louis there'd definitely be a fight. And neither of them want to cause a scene or anything like that.

"So, Zayn is cool," Liam says carefully.

"Yeah," Louis agrees noncommittally.

"He seems to, um, be close with Harry," Liam says.

"Yep," Louis sighs, looking down, "best fucking friends, according to Harry."

Liam huffs. "And he got offered a modelling deal that he declined," he snorts, "who would have thought?"

"Because it would be complicated once he comes home. Apparently Zayn didn't seem to think he'd be one to settle down. I mean, what does that even mean?"

"I don't know," Liam says, "but he's here now, isn't he?"

"Yeah. Not sure he wants to be anymore," Louis says sadly, glancing at Niall twirling Harry on the dance floor and Zayn laughing at the two of them.

"I'm sure he does, Louis. Don't worry about it too much. They're just close friends, yeah?"

"Still think I'm being irrationally jealous after that?" Louis asks, arching a brow at him.

"Hmm... sorta," Liam nudges him, "let's just go have some fun and tomorrow you have to promise me you'll talk to your boyfriend."

Louis laments with a nod. "Let me finish this and I'll join you guys."

Liam smiles at him before pushing himself out of the booth and maneuvering his way through people to get to Niall.

Louis downs the last bit of his beer, preparing himself, then joining them on the dance floor too.

He makes sure to stay away from Harry as much as possible, not that it's hard to do so, considering how much of the night Zayn and Harry spend whispering in each others ears about something or another.

Louis misses when they used to go out dancing with each other. Not necessarily to the club, the best ones were in the kitchen, late mornings, dancing to some song Harry would play too loudly whether it was at his home or when he stayed with Liam and Louis.

Liam drives them home when they're done, being the only one who's more or less sober, while Harry and Louis are plastered.

Louis feels his head ache and he can see Harry rest his own head against the window, eyes shut. He's always sleepy when he gets really drunk. Clingy and cuddly too. Except, he isn't now. He's keeping to himself.

Louis hates it and thinking about it only makes his head hurt so he doesn't and thinks about getting into bed instead.

It's kind of a blur after that. Louis doesn't even bother taking out his clothes properly before getting into bed and Harry doesn't even bother taking out his clothes at all before he's snoring into the pillow next to Louis.

The last thing Louis remembers is Harry's parted lips as he falls asleep.

*

The next morning, as expected, is horrible. Louis doesn't wake up with a headache per se, just the memory of the previous night and the realisation that he and Harry and haven't spoken for, like, two days now. Not properly, at least.

There's so much Louis doesn't know about Harry anymore. He feels likes he's losing sight of who Harry really is now. He's like this whole other person. He got a modelling offer for fucks sake and he didn't even think to mention that to Louis.

They need to talk about things before it gets any worse. Louis doesn't want something stupid to ruin what they have. If Harry is suddenly a different person, then he wants to learn all about this new person.

But _fuck_ , is he angry as hell.

He feels like he's been deprived of learning who Harry is now because Harry didn't think to _tell_ him anything.

How are they supposed to work when Harry doesn't even communicate with him? Communication is important for shit to work out.

"I know you're awake," Louis blurts out, watching the rise and fall of Harry's back, his position much too rigid for him to be asleep.

Harry turns to face him wordlessly, his eyes tired and face expressionless.

"We have to talk about things," Louis says, finding it in himself to take the first step here.

"What is there to talk about?" He asks, not unkindly but still sounding cold.

"A lot," he bites, unable to help himself, "like the fact that you apparently know Zayn longer than you told me. The fact that you fucking got a deal for a modelling contract or whatever and you turned it down but failed to tell me any of that either."

Harry sighs through his nose, shutting his eyes briefly. "Zayn and I barely met before three and a half months ago. The time in Paris was quick and felt... Not significant at the time to mention anything."

"Fine but what about now? About when you raved about Zayn and I asked about him and you just didn't mention it."

"Because I knew you'd act like this," Harry says, looking frustrated, "you'd be all weird and jealous for nothing and make a big deal out of everything."

Louis swallows. "I don't care about how you think I would have reacted. Telling me would have been the right thing to do."

"Maybe," he laments, "but I didn't so can we move past this and onto the real problem here?"

"Which is what, exactly?" Louis asks, tone challenging.

"The fact that you're jealous and don't trust me at all so you're making a big deal out of everything else as a result."

Louis sees red then. Yes, he's jealous but he has every right to be with how they act. But he is not making everything else a big deal as a result. It is a big deal, regardless of whether Louis is jealous or not.

"Seriously?" Louis asks, voice shaking before scoffing and sitting up, "you're ridiculous."

"You are jealous, Louis. I know you," Harry continues, undeterred, "so you're picking a fight with me all the time."

"God, fuck okay. I'm jealous. There. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Why?" Harry asks, matching Louis' actions from before, sitting up.

"Because Harry, have you seen the way you two are together? He calls you 'babes' all the time, you have these giggly inside jokes--- it's weird."

"You call people petnames all the time, Louis. And we're just--- I told you, we're best friends. I wish you'd fucking trust me."

"It hurts okay?" Louis snaps. "It hurts because he's where I should be. That should me next to you, telling our friends stories about how we travelled all over the world together, not being able to stop smiling at each other--- because that's what you guys do, by the way."

Harry's eyes seems to soften at that.

"I'm a jealous prick, okay? I know I haven't given Zayn a fair chance but God , Harry, would you put yourself in my shoes for a second? How would you feel if I'd come back after a year away from you, forgetting to tell you important things. Like I'd gotten some opportunity to work at an architecture firm. And then forget to mention this new friend of mine who's apparently my best friend now, act all close and cuddly with them, hearing things from someone else about your boyfriend--- things you should have known as my partner, feeling like I'm a totally different person to the person who'd left Manchester over a year ago."

Harry inhales deeply before exhaling. He doesn't say anything though, playing with the duvet covering his lap.

With a sigh of defeat, Louis gets off the bed. "I'm going to shower," he announces, not even sparing a look at Harry before walking out the room and heading to the bathroom. Thankfully, it's empty.

He shuts the door behind himself and opens up the tap, waiting for the water to get to the right temperature. Once he's in, he leans against the cool, tiled wall and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself and think a little better.

He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't hear the bathroom door open, Harry stripping and stepping in behind Louis. He startles when feels a pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind him.

Harry's chin rests on Louis' shoulder, their wet skin pressed together. Louis doesn't want to fight it.

"I'm sorry," Harry says eventually, "I know how it must look to you but I promise you, Zayn and I are just friends and nothing more."

Louis doesn't say anything else, just straightens up and presses back against Harry because he can't help it.

"I love you, Lou. Only you," Harry mumbles through the pelting water, "that's never gonna change."

"I'm sorry I get jealous so easily," Louis concedes, "it's just hard to watch you two be together like that."

"It's fine, babe. I have a bit of a jealous streak too, you know?"

"Yeah, I do," Louis snorts, "almost murdered George from high school even after you and I got together."

"I couldn't help it," Harry whines, "he kept... looking at you."

"God forbid," Louis mumbles with a twist of his lips.

Harry places tiny kisses from his neck to his shoulder while one hand roams down Louis' body. "Can't blame him though, can I?" He mumbles, running his fingers down Louis' ribs to his tummy, right above where his cock is filling up.

Louis whimpers when Harry skirts his hands right above his cock. "Fucking tease," he breathes out.

"What do you want, Lou?" Harry whispers haughtily, licking over his earlobe and tugging.

Louis pushes back against him, his bum meeting Harrys thickening cock. Harry groans, placing his hands on Louis' hips.

"Fuck," he breathes out, rutting against Louis, cock sliding between his cheeks, "What about lube and stuff?"

"Under the sink," Louis exhales, biting his lip. Much to his dismay, Harry pulls away to open the shower door and lean over in an awkward position to dig for a bottle of lube.

Louis works a hand over his cock while Harry spreads some lube over his fingers, the water running down Louis' back.

"How do you want it?" Harry asks, stepping closer to him.

"I'll turn around while you spread me opened but I want to face you while you're fucking me."

Harry whimpers, lurching forward and pulling Louis into a kiss. "Okay," he mumbles, pulling away, "turn around, babe."

Louis obliges, leaning against the wall, the warm water spraying down his back while Harry pushes a finger inside of him. There's a bit of burn as he goes onto two but nothing Louis isn't used to by now.

Harry's really good with hands--- fingers, to be precise. He reaches all the right places and can have Louis coming from just this.

He places a hand on the small of Louis' back, rubbing it softly and he works in a third finger. Louis breathes heavily into the wall, fists clenched.

"Fuck, you look so good like this, babe," Harry says, sounding almost in awe, "I love you."

"Love you too," Louis musters up, " now fuck me please."

Harry pulls his fingers out slowly. Louis turns around only to be pressed against the wall by Harry, his lips covering Louis' as he licks into his mouth obscenely. Louis' hands move to his wet hair, tugging at the strands while Harry's venture down to Louis' bum, giving it a squeeze, causing Louis to moan into his mouth.

"Come on, baby," Louis says impatiently, "ready for you."

Harry groans, moving his hands to the backs of Louis' thighs to pick him up, Louis' legs wrapping around Harry's waist. Louis' arms snake around Harry's shoulders, their mouths meeting in another feverent kiss.

Louis reaches down with one hand, grabbing Harry's cock to guide it to his entrance. Harry's head falls into Louis' neck as he slowly inches inside of Louis.

Louis' mouth falls open, head against the wall as he feels the drag of Harry's cock inside of him. Harry starts thrusting slowly, mouthing at Louis' neck, letting out loud moans whereas Louis lets out soft whimpers.

"Don't fall," Louis says as an afterthought, knowing that Harry is clumsy as is, mixing it with a slippery shower floor isn't a good idea.

Harry laughs breathily, pulling back to look at Louis, pecking him softly. "I'll be careful," he says softly, thrusting deeply, squeezing Louis' thigh.

Louis nods. "Tell me if holding me up is becoming too--- _ah_ \--- much, yeah?"

Harry hums in agreement, pushing his body even closer and further into Louis, causing Louis' cock to rub against the faint lines of Harry's abs. It's fucking heaven.

"Close," Louis warns him, scratching at Harry's shoulders when he gives a particularly hard thrust that rubs against his prostate.

"Me too," Harry stutters his movements, burying his head into Louis' neck again, moaning.

Louis reaches down for his cock, tugging it three times before releasing over his stomach, his hole clenching down on Harry's cock. Louis comes with a silent moan, mouth agape and clutching onto Harry's shoulders with a death grip.

Harry grunts. "Feel so good, babe. Gonna come," he moans.

"Come then, baby. Fill me up," Louis says breathlessly, still recovering from his own orgasm.

As Harry fucks Louis slowly against the wall in long, deep thrusts, chasing his orgasm, Louis feels like he's whole again. He doesn't think about the damn modelling offer or the fact that they didn't really speak about their problems thoroughly enough, he just enjoys Harry being here with him, even if he can't shake the sinking feeling in his stomach.

*

They're okay again for a bit. Kind of. Louis starts uni again and Harry starts his job. His hours aren't too hectic, thankfully. It's a normal nine to five job.

They're both too tired to do much other than cuddle at the end of the day. Louis is swamped with work from uni and working at the library. The weekends they spend together by going to the pub or just staying in.

Nothing else has been said about their fight since the shower. It's like it's just been forgotten between them. Louis doesn't know how he feels about it. On one hand, they're okay. Like, there's no fighting and arguing over silly things. But at the same time, it's nothing. There's nothing.

They walk on eggshells around certain topics to avoid any arguments and that's not necessarily a good thing. Louis knows he needs to voice out what he's feeling but he doesn't know what exactly that is either.

It's confusing but they're okay, more or less. They'll get to the confusing bits later, he tells himself.

One of them being Zayn. Harry doesn't talk about or mention Zayn again. Hasn't since that morning after they apologised to each other. But Louis knows Harry still speaks to him. He sees Harry's phone pop up with a notification from Zayn and he occasionally hears Harry talk about him to Liam(who weirdly asks about Zayn almost all the time).

Louis hates that Harry does that. It's like he's keeping secrets from him and Louis, again, feels like he doesn't know who Harry is anymore.

But they're fine. They're okay. They're not fighting so that's always a good thing. That's what he tells himself, at least.

It's a Friday night that Louis decides to surprise Harry with a dinner of sorts. It's nothing special, just pasta and a salad on the side. But he feels like he needs to do this. They haven't spent much time together recently and they aren't talking properly.

Maybe tonight can give them some clarity. They can talk like adults and Harry won't find the need to keep things from Louis anymore. Louis won't be jealous or feel insecure about every move they make in their relationship.

He's expecting Harry to be home by five but by half four, Harry texts him to say that he won't be home until later but doesn't offer any other explanation. Which means he's probably meeting Zayn.

Louis huffs, irritated. It's like something in him snaps then. He eats in silence, sitting on the couch, making the decision then to wait up for Harry to come home.

Harry comes home at half eight, rubbing his eyes and pushing his shoes off. He seems surprised to see Louis sitting on the couch. He blinks at him, shrugging off his coat.

"Hi," he greets, "you're up?"

"It's only half eight," Louis responds with.

"Uh, did you eat anything?" Harry asks, his voice unsure.

He's never been unsure about anything around Louis.

"Yeah. Made us supper," Louis says.

Harry walks slowly to the couch, eyes scanning the place. "Oh, um, where's Liam?"

"He went out tonight. Wanted to give us some time to ourselves," Louis explains, keeping his tone neutral.

"Oh," Harry frowns, looking at Louis, " so you made--- you made us supper? Like you and me?"

"Yep," Louis purses his lips, "but you decided to go out with Zayn instead."

Harry's face falls. It's like he's surprised Louis figured it out.

"Well it's either that or you're cheating on me," Louis blurts out, "maybe both."

"Louis, what the fuck?" Harry spits, eyebrows pinched together, "not this again."

"Well, are you?" Louis asks anyways.

"Jesus, fuck. Are you ever going to get over this? Zayn is my friend, Louis. My best friend."

"Who you find the need to hide behind my back to talk to and meet," Louis says flatly.

"Because I knew you'd act like this!" Harry says, frustrated. He gets off his seat and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't want to hide anything from you but you're making it so hard for me."

"How the fuck am I making it hard for you?" Louis scoffs.

"Every time I so much as mention his name, you look like you want to either punch something or cry. Do you know how frustrating that is for me?"

"Excuse me for having insecurities about a fucked up friendship," Louis narrows his eyes.

"It's not fucked up," Harry argues, "you're making it fucked up in your head because you can't stand the thought of sharing me with anyone else but yourself."

"That's so not true," Louis says, anger rising.

"It is. You're being possessive and then you guilt trip me afterwards and make _me_ feel like the bad guy and I'm getting tired of it, okay? So I don't tell you about Zayn anymore because of it."

Louis shakes his head. "Do you know how fucking horrible it feels to have you back but feel like I don't even know who you are anymore? I've been waiting for over a year to have you with me and now that you're here it doesn't even _feel_ like you are."

He stands up too, not wanting to look up at Harry towering over him while he speaks--- argues, yells, whatever.

"Yeah well that makes two of us," Harry mutters, jaw still clenched.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Louis asks, eyeing him carefully.

"It means that I prefer us doing long distance than being together like this right now and that's not how it's supposed to be, Louis!" He bellows.

Louis swallows at that. He looks away, hoping he doesn't look like he's going to cry even if he is.

"You can't tell me you don't feel the same," Harry adds, more softly, "I don't even know what I want out of life anymore, Louis and you're not making it any easier for me."

Louis' whips his head around to look at Harry. "You're seriously putting all of this on me? I've been nothing but supportive of you since the start."

"I know and I appreciate that," Harry says hastily, "but it's just--- nothing about this feels good anymore. Nothing about us does."

"What are you saying?" Louis asks. It's getting harder to ignore the lump in his throat.

"I'm saying that all we do now is fight and argue, even about little things. You don't trust me anymore and I don't even know what I want out of life anymore. It's just--- it's becoming too much to handle."

Louis feels his heart beat wildly behind his ribcage. "What are you saying Harry?" He asks again, tone controlled.

"I'm saying," he starts with a defeated look on his face, "I'm saying that maybe we should take a break."

Louis laughs bitterly, running his hand over his face and shaking his head.

"You want to take a fucking break?" He asks, "are you fucking kidding me?"

"Louis, we need it," Harry says, his voice calm, "we're not who we used to be and we need to figure things out by ourselves."

"Bullshit," Louis spits instantly, "that's all a load of bullshit. You want to break up? Fine. Do it. Don't give me that 'take a break' crap."

"I don't want to break up. I want a break," Harry insists, eyes stubborn.

"What the fuck is the difference? We're not together anymore, the break can go on for ages and who's to say how you would feel whenever you decide the break is over. Maybe by then you would have found someone else or just don't want to be with me anymore. You're just fucking prolonging the inevitable."

"That's not true. It can work. I don't want to break up, Louis," Harry says indignantly.

"No," Louis shakes his head, "I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to sit and fucking wait for you anymore. I've been doing it far too long."

"Louis..." Harry trails off, looking helpless.

"It's not fair, Harry. I had to be the to support your every decision, wait for you to come home and now you don't even know what you want anymore."

"I know," Harry says, tone somber, "I know it's unfair of me to ask but I don't want us to break up."

"You have to choose then," Louis says, pushing away his pride, "you either want to stay and work things out or we break up."

Harry's face falls. "Louis, it's not fair. I--- I need some time to figure out some things about my life and my trip helped me and now I ca---"

"Harry, choose," Louis says, "you can't keep playing this hot and cold game with me. I know we aren't the same people anymore but the difference is that I'm willing to learn who you are."

Harry looks likes he's about to cry. Louis fights every instinct in him telling him to go and hold Harry.

"But that's what I'm saying, Lou. I don't know who I am anymore. How can you get to know me when I don't even know me?"

It makes sense, it does. But it doesn't make it fair to Louis. He's been sitting back this whole time while their relationship deteriorates under his nose. And Harry's immediate response is to take a break. How is that fair?

"Harry, you're breaking my heart here, do you not understand that?" Louis says, his demeanor cracking, "I can't do this back and forth with you anymore and taking a break is just going to push us even further back."

Harry blinks away tears, wiping the underneath of his eyes. "I don't know what you want me to to say. I already told you how I feel."

Louis' heart aches at how broken Harry sounds. But he can't let that influence anything he does anymore from here on out. He needs to put himself first for once. Harry's been doing that all this time. Now, he needs to do the same.

"And I told you and I need you to choose right now, Harry," Louis doesn't back down, even though he's crying too now.

"Then I guess we should break up," Harry says, eyes dark and stormy when he looks at Louis again.

Louis' heart plummets. He nods robotically. "That's what you really want? Fine."

"Louis, you made me choose," Harry argues weakly.

"And you chose to break up instead of working things out so I guess we're breaking up," Louis turns away from him.

"Where are you going?" Harry asks, voice small.

"To bed," Louis answers, "I'm going to stay with mum for a bit from tomorrow but I want you gone by next week."

"Louis..." he trails off, not saying anything else.

He'll probably be missing a whole week of uni but that's the last thing on his mind right now. He just--- he can't be here. He can't watch Harry take away all the things he's scattered around the flat--- what's supposed to be their home.

"Good night, Harry," Louis says over his shoulder, then shuts the bedroom door behind himself. He slides down against it dropping his head into his knees and lets himself cry.

He doesn't sob, just lets tears fall silently. He can hear Harry sob though and he wants nothing more than to run to him, slap him across the head and tell him to pick again, to choose them and _fight_ for them.

But he can't because Harry didn't choose them. And now Louis is left with a broken heart, wondering where the fuck they'd gone wrong in the first place.


	3. 3

"Do you mind taking off your clothes?"

Harry pauses, straightening up from his pose. "Um," he starts, unsure. He hasn't been doing this for too long but he's never been asked to take off his clothes before.

"It would just go with my vision. I don't think any of the things you're wearing right now are working," Bill says, sniffing, a hand underneath his chin as he examines Harry's body.

It should make Harry uncomfortable but he's used to this by now.

He vaguely hears Carla, the stylist, gasp in offence and sees her figure stomping away. He makes a mental note to apologise to her later for Bill's words.

"Harry?" Bill asks, hands on his hips as he impatiently waits for an answer.

"O-okay," Harry agrees, clearing his throat. He doesn't really mind. It's just... he's never done that before. So. Here goes nothing.

He feels like a puppet then, being instructed where to sit and how to sit. It's a little awkward, covering his crotch more often than not but the shots at the end are incredible, he has to say.

Bill, as insufferable as he is, is talented, Harry will give him that. He manages to make Harry look like he belongs on the camera and Harry knows he definitely does not. There's one too many bad pictures of him that prove otherwise.

Harry pulls on his clothes again after Bill shows him the pictures and Harry thanks him. It's a fairly cold day today, Harry thinks as he's getting into the car.

When Harry gets home, he decides to cook something quick, knowing Zayn will be way too lazy to cook anything for them.

Harry's stirring a pot of soup when Zayn comes into the kitchen, slapping a folder of papers onto the island and collapsing onto the bar stool.

"Hey," Harry greets him, frowning, "you okay?"

"Hey," Zayn sighs then gives him a look, Harry can't quite figure out what it is really. "You'll never guess who's the intern I'm in charge of."

Harry turns the stove off and walks to Zayn, wiping his hands on his trousers. "Who?"

Zayn moves closer to him, pushing the folders towards him. Harry opens up the plastic folder, scanning through the papers. There's a bunch of things on there that he doesn't really understand but then, sticking out like a sore thumb, is the name 'Tomlinson'.

Harry's eyes widen, heart falling to his ass. Then his eyes flicker towards the name and some of his panic disappears for a moment.

_Tomlinson, Charlotte (Lottie)_

It's Louis' sister. Louis, who hasn't seen since he walked away from their little flat in Manchester almost over four years ago.

He came straight to Zayn's place in London that night, with the little money he had. Harry will never forget the way Louis looked at him that night. It was burnt at the back of his mind.

"That's his sister, innit?" Zayn asks, tone soft and hesitant.

Harry nods. "Yeah, the first little sister."

"Her shit is good," Zayn says, flipping through until he's showing Harry a few pictures. They're of random things, like an old statue, some in a graveyard, one of a weird-looking painting--- they're all brilliant. He's by no means a photography expert but he's seen a thing or two working in an industry where he's exposed to a lot of it.

"I can tell them to give me someone else if you'd like," Zayn offers when Harry doesn't say anything.

Harry shakes his head. "It's fine, Z. I'm not--- it has nothing to do with me. There's no reason why you shouldn't help her. She seems like she's great at this."

"If it makes you uncomfortable then you know I'll do my best to get someone else," Zayn says, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I know," Harry smiles at him, "but it's fine, really. I--- does she know who you are?"

"She knows my name but we haven't met yet. Do you want me to tell her anything or...?"

"I mean, that's up to you. I don't know if she'll be comfortable working with someone who knows the person who broke her brother's heart," he laughs mirthlessly.

Zayn tilts his head, giving him a berating look. "Harry, you know you weren't just solely responsible in any of that."

"Yeah, but still," Harry shrugs, "I don't know if she'd want to work for you guys after knowing you know me."

"Well she knows my name. If she really did have s problem with me or you for that matter, she would have said something by now. Besides, she'd be ridiculous to turn down something so huge for her at such a young age."

"She's twenty," Harry blinks in realisation. She's twenty now. He didn't--- he didn't realise that she's grown so much. They aren't that far apart, but she's still always been like Harry's little sister too.

When Louis and Harry ended things, he decided then and there to stay out of Louis' life for good. He'd seen how much he'd hurt Louis by the decisions he'd made and he didn't want to burden him any further. He did what he had to do; he deleted and blocked their numbers, including Louis. All aside from Jay. For some reason, Harry found that he couldn't do it for her. To this day, the only person from the Tomlinson family he still has in his contacts lists that's still active, is Jay.

She messaged him the few months after they'd broken up, on his birthday, just a simple happy birthday message with an 'x' at the end of it and a 'hunny'. It made him cry his eyes out, more so than he'd already been.

It was something so simple and it sent him into a downwards spiral. He spent his twentieth birthday drinking a bottle of liquor, trying to wash the pain away.

God, he was Lottie's age when he got his heart broken. He was younger when he was in a serious, long distance relationship with the love of his life. Or, well, someone he thought would be the love of his life.

Deep down, the thought doesn't go away. He's still convinced that Louis is the one for him but he knows that it's not a possibility anymore so he has to move from that.

"Okay," Zayn eventually says, "if you have no problem with it..."

"I don't, Z. Really," he reassures him, "now come on, I made soup. The spicy one you like."

Zayn grins softly. "Thanks. I'll go wash up quickly and put my stuff away, yeah?"

Harry nods. He watches Zayn walk to his room for a few seconds before turning back to the stove and grabbing a bowl, dishing out some soup for himself.

They're sitting on the couch, watching _Grace and Frankie_ when Zayn asks him how his shoot was today.

"Bill made me get naked," Harry snorts, licking his spoon clean, "It was so weird."

"You're posing naked now?" Zayn asks, eyebrows raised, a smirk playing on his face, "You were okay with it though, right? Like, Bill didn't force you to do it or anything?"

"Yeah, I was fine with it. It was just a little weird that's all," Harry shrugs, "I'm pretty happy with my bod, if you haven't noticed," he smirks back.

"Oh, I've noticed," Zayn rolls his eyes, "so when is this issue going to come out then?"

"January," Harry says, "You'll come with me for the launch party, yes?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Zayn grins, squeezing his ankle from Harry's legs that are draped across his lap, "speaking of launch parties..."

"Yes?" Harry asks, one brow arched.

"There's this party happening for a launch of a new bank. They hired me to do some photography for it and I really want you to come 'cause I don't want to be surrounded by dull duds the whole night."

"A bank is hosting a launch party?" Harry asks, eyebrows furrowed, "What kind of bank does that?"

"A really fancy, international one. Honeywells. You've heard of them, haven't you?"

Harry nods. Honeywells is a famous bank. Harry hasn't heard of another bank with that sort of reputation. No wonder why they hired Zayn to be a photographer at their frickin launch party.

"Well, when is it?" Harry asks, "I'll make sure I'm not doing anything."

"It's a while away. A month and a half or so. They're anticipating to have the building opened by then, at least," Zayn says, placing his bowl aside, "listen," he goes serious suddenly, "are you sure you're okay with me working with Louis' sister?"

Harry sighs. "Zayn, I told you already; it's okay. It's been, like, four years. We have nothing to do with each other anymore. As long as Lottie doesn't mind, I don't either."

It hurts, Harry won't lie about it. Hearing Louis' name, he means. Even after all this time, it's like an old wound being picked at. Even though it's scabbed and healed over, turned into a scar, digging into still hurts like a bitch.

"Okay," Zayn huffs, looking unconvinced, "There's no going back once we start, I hope you know."

"I know," Harry purses his lips, "and it doesn't change anything, okay? I still wanna know about the stuff you guys do together."

"Fine," Zayn purses his lips too, "I'll tell you all about Louis' sister then."

Good. Harry wants to hear about it, he isn't lying. He had no idea Lottie was into photography. She'd always been into the whole makeup, hair thing. He'd never even seen her pick up a camera.

So, hearing some stories about her from Zayn is something he would love. It would be like a part of the family that still remains with him. After all he hasn't even spoken to his own mum in years. 

She'd never really gotten around the idea of Harry not wanting to study and she'd more or less cut him off. She speaks to him when she has to, like when Harry talks to Gemma sometimes or Robin. The only person who still has an issue with what he's doing is his mum. Even though she knows he's somewhat successful in what he's doing now. And, more importantly, that he's _happy_ with what he's doing right now. She's still convinced that he needs a uni degree to get by.

Harry still tries to reach out to her every now and then but she doesn't always answer. He's come to terms with it--- somewhat.

Zayn told him that his father had had a similar mindset when he first told his parents that he wants to go into photography. According to Zayn, it took him a few years to come around. They'd only started speaking again about a year and a half ago. It was the first time Harry had seen Zayn cry.

Harry hopes that his mum will eventually come around. Though, according to Gemma, when she'd found out what Harry is doing now, her response was "of course he'll have to show off his body, he has nothing else to show for." Which hurt like a bitch. He wants to do what he's doing right now. He found a passion in it. But it's clear that she didn't see it that way.

Harry gives himself moments, in times like these where he lets his mind wander, about where they'd be right now if Louis was still here. He knows that Louis would have been supportive of him, especially knowing that it made Harry happy.

Maybe, if Louis were still here, he could have spoken to his mum and convinced her to change her mind on how she looked at what Harry is doing with his life. She'd always loved Louis.

It hurt even more, Harry thinks, when they'd broken up and her response was, "you won't be able to provide for either of you so I don't blame him."

It was cold and not at all like the mother he'd known. It's like she'd become this whole other person so Harry stopped trying as much as time went on.

There's still a hope inside of him, right next to the one that's still telling him that Louis is The One for him. He doesn't know, at this point, which one is more ludicrous.

*

"Good morning, Barbra!" Harry says cheerfully, bursting through the bakery doors.

He spots Barbra by the till, smiling and shaking her head. "Hello, Harry," she greets, "here for your usual?"

"Of course. Nothing but the best from you," Harry winks, walking up to her then scanning the variety of pastries and cakes laid out in the display case. The smell of the bakery was fresh and inviting. It makes Harry happy to smell freshly baked bread early in the morning. It reminds him of when he used to work in a bakery back home.

"Oh, cheeky boy," Barbra tuts, "you sit down and I'll get you your muffin and coffee."

"Thank you, darling," Harry grins sweetly. She flushes, waving her hand at him and walking away to the coffee machine.

He loves teasing her just to watch her blush a little. Harry knows she doesn't have it easy, being on her own, so he'll do whatever he can to make her smile--- or blush--- just a little bit.

"You're earlier than usual today," she says conversationally while preparing his order.

"I have a place to look at later today and a shoot straight after so I wanna eat early," he explains.

"Moving out of Zayn's?" She asks, raising her brows at him while grabbing a hot muffin from a rack.

Harry's mouth waters as he nods. "Yeah, been staying with him for too long, don't you think?"

"I'm sure he doesn't mind it though. He adores you, that one," Barbra says, stepping out from behind the counter and walking up to him.

"Too bad, I don't like him very much," Harry sighs dramatically, "he's going to have to live without me."

"Oh hush," she whacks his shoulder playfully after placing his muffin and coffee down, "he'll be devastated to hear you talk about him like that."

Harry snorts. He wouldn't be. He'd probably play along if anything.

"How's Maggie doing?" Harry asks, stirring a sugar into his coffee.

"She's okay. Divorces aren't easy but she is doing well, all things considered," Barbra answers.

"I'm sure she'll be okay. She may even find someone much better suited for her," Harry says with a smile.

"I hope so. She's still young," Barbra smiles sadly, "and what about you, darling?"

"What about me?" Harry asks, furrowing his brows.

"When are you going to find someone and settle down?"

"I'm looking," he shrugs non-commitedly.

He's not. Not really. He believes that there's only one person out there for everyone and he's lucky enough to have met his, even if he wasn't lucky enough to stay with Louis. He still believes that Louis was his soulmate. _Is_ his soulmate.

Now, he's just going to have to find a way to move on, even living with that knowledge. He doesn't say that though. He can't. She'd probably look at him like he's crazy or she'd try to convince him to 'try again', like Zayn and Niall had.

They didn't get it though. They wouldn't and he didn't expect them to, so he keeps most of what he feels to himself. It's better that way.

He's already had his chance and it didn't end well and that's that.

"You know, I always thought you and Zayn were an item," she says, smiling, "you two would make a good-looking couple."

Harry laughs bitterly "You and every other person thinks that, apparently."

"Well, I knew after meeting you a handful of times that your heart belongs to someone else," she says softly, the bakery much too quiet then, "always thought you were hiding them from me."

Harry feels his heart flutter. He smiles weakly at her. "Yeah," is all he offers, "I promise I'm not hiding anyone from you."

"You better not. I want every detail for when you do end up with that special someone," she says, wiggling her finger at him.

Before he has a chance to reply, his phone vibrates on the table.

"Speaking of the devil," Harry mumbles, placing his coffee down and answering the phone, "Zayn, Barbra thinks you're hot."

"Harry," she chastises.

Harry giggles and Zayn snorts on the other end of the line. "Tell her I think she's pretty foxy too."

Harry laughs a little harder. "Barb, he thinks you're foxy," he calls out.

She goes red, pushing her glasses further up her nose. "Oh hush you two," she mutters, turning around.

Harry's laughter dies down a little. "What's up, Z?"

"I'm going to be swamped at lunch today. Do you think you could stop at Barbs or somewhere and get me something to eat?" Zayn asks, tone desperate.

"Um, I think I can do that. Lunch is at half twelve for you, right?"

"Yeah. You going straight to the flat now?"

"Yeah, after I finish my muffin and coffee. Then later one I have that shoot with Brook," Harry says, then taking a sip of his coffee, the liquid burning his throat in the best way.

"Okay, you'll have enough time to drop off my lunch then? I could ask someone else to do it if you can't," he says.

"No, it's all right. I'll get something from here. You want the cheese and tomato croissant?"

"Yes, you know me too well," Harry can hear the smile on his voice, "and get me one of those health juices too, would you?"

Harry rolls his eyes. "The carrot one that you deny liking?"

"I never denied it," he says defensively, "anyways, Yes, that'll do and a muffin, the c---"

"Cranberry one, I know," Harry finishes for him. He remembers a lot about Zayn after being friends with him for so long and living with him. That, and that cranberry muffins were also Louis' favourite. Harry wonders if it still is.

"Thanks, babes. You're the best. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Bye, babes," Harry mocks with a laugh, hearing Zayn click his tongue and hang up.

Zayn is similar to Louis that way, in that he'll call any person 'babes', the way Louis called everyone 'darling' or 'love'. He's still convinced that if Louis gave Zayn a fair chance, they'd be really good friends if not best friends.

"Barbs, do you have any of those health juices. The carrot one?" Harry asks, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.

"Always do. Not many people buy the carrot one," she says. Then a customer walks into the bakery, the bell ringing above their head.

Harry doesn't recognise them but that's not surprising. This isn't a small town or anything. London is quite big after all. He smiles politely at them anyways, going back to finishing his breakfast.

He finishes shortly after the stranger comes into the bakery and goes to pay Barbra and get Zayn's lunch.

"Tell him to come visit me soon," Barbra tells him, "and take the muffin for free. It's okay."

"No," Harry starts to protest but she shakes her head.

"It's fine, darling, truly. You've done a lot for me. Go on and give him a bloody muffin for free," she laughs.

Harry sighs, knowing she won't back down. He accepts the muffin and thanks her again before walking out of the bakery.

It's almost half nine which is perfect. He has an appointment with the real estate lady at quarter to ten and the place he's looking at isn't too far away from Barbs bakery or Zayn's place. Those two factors played a significant role when he decided to look for a place of his own.

Zayn is the only person he's really close to here, then Barbara and then Fran, another other model he's worked with a few times. That's about it, really.

He carries Zayn's food around with him in a packet while he looks at the small one-bedroom flat. It's not too bad. It's small, but Harry doesn't need anything big anyway. The kitchen is big enough and his room would have enough space. Plus, the bathroom is in decent shape which is a big must.

"What do you think?" Riley, the real estate agent asks him.

"I do like it," he admits, "I have one more to look at though but I do like this one quite a bit."

There's something about this one that makes him feel comfortable and that's a good start. He manages to sneak in a few pictures to show Zayn later.

It's dull outside by the time he's finished with Riley and looking at the flat. He's sure it's going to rain soon. Nothing new about that, really, especially considering that it's September.

It's only close to eleven when he hails a cab. Way too early to meet Zayn but he has nothing else to do in the mean time so he decides to visit Zayn at work a little earlier. He knows it won't be a problem because Zayn's boss loves him. Has since they'd met in while Harry was travelling.

Zayn's office building sticks out like a sore thumb on the street. It's the only modern looking building amongst older, more traditional English ones. Instead of old, red bricks, there's grey, sleek ones and frameless windows as oppose to those ugly big-framed white ones on the traditional buildings.

"Morning, Chris," Harry greets the security guard with a smile on his face.

Chris smiles back. "Harry, nice to see you again," then lets Harry in.

He greets a few familiar faces here and there on his way to Zayn's office. Zayn is sitting at his desk, pushing around a few photographs on the table when Harry knocks.

He looks up at Harry, surprised. "You're early," is what he says.

"Had nothing else to do," Harry shrugs, "can I come in?"

Zayn stands up. "Um, Yeah," he says, but he doesn't look too sure about it.

Harry frowns. "Brought your lunch early," he mutters, placing the lunch down on the small coffee table near an arm chair.

"You know, you should have told me you were coming earlier," Zayn says.

"Thank you would be nice," Harry mumbles, eyes narrowed.

"Thank you," Zayn says, "but you should have called beca---"

"Mr. Malik?"

Harry pauses, turning around slowly. Shit. Of course. He's a fucking idiot. How did he forget that Lottie would be here? Fuck.

"Harry?" Lottie asks. He expects her to sound angry, maybe a little confused but she doesn't. Instead, she sounds relieved? She even smiles.

"Uh, hi," Harry says, finally finding his voice. He can't move, for some reason. It feels like he's stuck in tar.

"It's really good to see you again," she breathes out with another smile then, surprising Harry even further, she hugs him. _Hugs him_.

It takes him a moment to hug back but when he does, he feels warmth immediately. The warmth that can only come with a Tomlinson.

Zayn gives him a look, seemingly just as confused as Harry is. Harry shrugs as best as he can while hugging her then she pulls away, giving him a bit of a watery smile.

God, is she crying? If she's crying then Harry is going to cry too. God, maybe he should have been crying already because _look at her_. She's still short but she's grown in so many ways. Her hair is longer and her figure is curvier but her eyes still hold the youth that Harry remembers.

"Sorry, it's just been so long," Lottie sniffs, looking sheepish.

"It's fine. It's--- Yeah, it's been a while," Harry swallows, "You're working here, huh?"

"Yeah with your, Uh, with Zayn--- Mr. Malik, I mean," she corrects herself, sending Zayn an apologetic look.

"It's okay. You can call me Zayn. Mr. Malik sounds too weird," he says, wrinkling his nose.

She smiles, pushing her hands into her pockets then looks at Harry again. "How have you been doing?"

Okay, so reunion small talk happening now. Great.

"Um, I've been doing okay, yeah. Just came to drop off some lunch for Zayn," Harry explains glancing at the packet on the coffee table.

"Oh," she eyes the packet then Harry, then Zayn.

"Yeah, uh, I didn't know you'd be here otherwise I would have brought you something too," Harry says, feeling guilty that he didn't get anything for her too. God dammit, Zayn.

"No, no, it's okay. I packed my own lunch. I'm too fussy anyways," she waves him off.

"You always have been," Harry says with a fond smile. Then Zayn clears his throat, reminding Harry that he did barge in on their working hours and they're meant to actually be _doing_ work.

"Um, I didn't mean to intrude. I'll--- I'll leave you guys alone now," Harry says, finally managing to move his feet, "It was really nice seeing you again, Lots," he says sincerely, letting the old nickname slip.

She grins at him. "You too. I really hope I see you again."

"Um, Yeah, sure. I'm in and out of here often," he laughs, a bit awkwardly.

"Yeah, this might as well be his work place too," Zayn chimes in, rolling his eyes.

"Anyways," Harry pointedly ignores him, "I'll see you soon, Lottie. And Zayn," he looks at Zayn, "I'll see you later."

He watches Lottie wave before he hastily walks away and heads downstairs. He was stupid. He knew that Zayn started working with Lottie from Tuesday. Why didn't he think about that?

Her reaction is what confuses Harry though. Part of why he was dreading running into her was because he was scared of her reaction but that--- that was not what he was expecting. She hugged him for God's sake, like nothing has changed and Harry had come to visit her back home for a Sunday roast.

It's really fucking weird. He can't dwell on it much though because he has a shoot to do and then he has supper to make. He can talk about it to Zayn later. Harry wonders if she's said anything to Zayn. He doesn't think so but it's worth asking anyways.

Harry pushes the weird run-in with Lottie to the back of his mind and hails a cab, telling the driver the location of the shoot. It's too early to go there too, Harry knows this, but he can't really stay here with Zayn anymore and he isn't going to go home, making unnecessary trips up and down. So early to a shoot it is then.

He's sitting on the sofa, cradling a cup of tea in his hands when Zayn comes in. It doesn't even taken him a minute to comment about the earlier incident with Lottie. Maybe incident is a bit too dramatic but, what else would it be?

"So she doesn't hate you," is what Zayn says, leaving his bag at the door and approaching Harry.

"I guess not," he replies, still confused, "that was weird, right? I mean I broke her brother's heart, she should hate me."

Zayn sighs. "I keep telling you that wasn't entirely your fault and you know what? Maybe she can see that too."

Harry isn't convinced. If he didn't mention a stupid fucking break in the first place then he wouldn't be here. He could have been with Louis by now, watching their latest Netflix obsession while cuddled on their couch. But he's not. So.

"Still, it's only logical to take your brother's part in a breakup or whatever, isn't it?" Harry frowns. 

"Not for people who use their brains," he shrugs, "and she seems like she uses hers."

"Well, did she say anything to you when I left?" He asks curiously.

"Not really. She just apologised for being so unprofessional and we went back to talking about work stuff."

Harry hums, still fairly confused. "Well, I'm never visiting you at work again then."

"H," Zayn sighs, "you know that after her apprenticeship or whatever you wanna call it is over she could be working with me permanently. How long are you going to avoid her? By the looks of it, she seems like she wants to actually talk to you again, you know?"

Harry puffs out air from his cheeks. Hes right. She did seem genuine when she said that she wants to see Harry again.

"I'm not saying go and be best friends but maybe you should talk to her a little. Be civil, you know? You don't have to get too close or anything. But a catch up would be nice. I know they were like family to you."

They still are, in a weird way. Even though he hasn't spoken to them in years, he still considers them his family. He always will.

"Yeah, okay," he agrees quietly, "it would be nice to talk to her again."

"See," Zayn pokes his ribs, making him squirm, "you can drop by whenever you'd like besides next Thursday. We're going to be out of the office on Thursday."

"Oh, okay. Uh, I'll let you know," Harry says absently, his mind reeling over scenarios of how he'd see Lottie again and what he would say.

"Hey, how was the flat? Did you like it?" Zayn asks, crossing his legs.

"I did, yeah. It's not big or anything but I don't think I need anything big anyways so, yeah, I do like it. But I have another one I'm looking at on Friday so I'll have to wait and see."

"You know I keep telling you that there's no need to rush that. You can stay here as long as you'd like," Zayn reassures him with a squeeze on his shoulder.

"I know but you've already done so much for me, Z. And besides, I've never really been on my own. I think I need to know what it's like."

"You traveled alone for a whole year," Zayn says flatly, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah but I mean settled down on my own," Harry waves him off, "I need to do this. You've done enough for me already."

Which is true. When Harry came to Zayn's, cheeks wet from crying at ten in the evening, he welcomed Harry with opened arms. He'd even let Harry stay with him two months rent-free while he found a job temporarily.

It was hell, the first year at least. He felt more lost than ever and he realised then how much he relied on Louis to keep him afloat. He looked at the anchor tattooed on his wrist and he felt the ache grow deeper.

It still happens, Harry thinks, glancing down at his tattoo. He feels as though he's been ripped apart and looking at any reminders of them just brings back that horrible ache that can never seem to go away.

Harry wonders if Louis got any of his tattoos covered up. They only had two sets of complementary tattoos so it would only be two tattoos to cover up but Harry still wonders. He hopes, stupidly, that he hasn't. But it's been over three years, there's a possibility that he's moved on by now and he can't really have any reminders of an ex still on him, can he?

"I can see the wheels turning in your head," Zayn's voice breaks him out of his thoughts that were bordering dangerous.

He blinks, looking away from his tattoo and sipping on his tea instead. He grimaces. "Tea is cold now," he says, "do you want something while I go warm this up?"

Zayn shakes his head. "Let's order something in for supper?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with that," Harry agrees easily. He pushes himself off the couch and heads to the kitchen.

He seriously needs to get Louis Tomlinson out of his mind. Though now that Lottie is back in the picture--- somewhat---- he has a feeling it isn't going to be easy. Not that it ever was in the first place.

*

Harry doesn't actually see Lottie again until the following week Friday. He's been trying to muster up the courage to just go and say hi to her, at the very least, for over a week, but he always chickens out and makes excuses for himself.

Friday though. Friday is the day that he finally convinces himself to go to Zayn's office. He arrives at their lunch time with Zayn's favourite from Barb's and a slice of apple crumble for Lottie, hoping it's still her favourite.

He hopes it will be somewhat of an olive branch, from his side at least.

Zayn is in his office when he goes in, munching on some crisps with a pen in his other hand and scanning a piece of paper. He looks up from the paper when he spots Harry.

Harry grins. "Mr. Malik," he greets.

Zayn grimaces. "Gross," he says, standing up and wiping his hands on his trousers, "you brought me lunch?" He asks excitedly.

"I did," Harry walks in, holding out his paper bag filled with a croissant. "Um, where's Lottie?"

Zayn looks at him, eyes searching Harry's. "You gonna talk to her?"

"Yeah, I think so," Harry says.

"Good. She's been asking about you," Zayn sighs, sitting back at his desk and pulling out the neatly wrapped croissant.

"What? You didn't tell me that!"

Zayn shrugs nonchalantly. "I wanted you to make the decision on your own."

Harry huffs. God, Zayn is weird.

"Fine. Where is she though?"

"She's at the cafeteria area with the other newbies," Zayn explains.

"Ah the dreaded cafeteria," Harry nods.

"That I would rather die than go to to get any sort of things they call 'food'."

Harry snorts. Trust Zayn to be so dramatic.

"I'm going to say hi then. I'll see you in a few?"

"Yeah, let me know how everything goes, okay?" Zayn says, features soft.

"Thanks, Z," Harry says before walking out the office and heading downstairs to the cafeteria. He actually forgot there's one here because of how much Zayn hates it.

Harry can't say much about it, since he's never actually tried their food before. Zayn would murder him if he found out that Harry had their food.

It's easy to spot Lottie with her platinum blonde hair and doe eyes. That, and Harry would recognise the Tomlinson eyes anywhere. You can't just get that shade of blue anywhere.

Harry waves as he walks to the table she's sitting at, talking to two other people. She seems to notice him waving, luckily and perks up, smiling at him.

Harry reaches her table, awkwardly greeting the other two people with Lottie.

"Guys, this is Harry," Lottie introduces, standing up next to him, "and Harry this is Veronica and that's Jamie."

"Nice to meet you guys," Harry says with a polite smile. Then he turns to Lottie. "I, uh, I bought you a slice of Apple crumble," he says, holding out a paper bag, "I don't know if you still like them but..."

"Thank you," she grins, accepting the bag, "I do still love them. I can't believe you remember."

"Of course," Harry says instantly, watching her face turn into a fond sort of look.

"Um, do you want to join us?" She asks.

Harry bites his lip, looking at the other two people---- Jamie and Veronica. "Um, I just came to give Zayn something and I thought I'd say hi to you too."

"Oh," her shoulders sag a little, "well, are you doing anything later today?"

"No," Harry answers.

"Do you want to maybe meet up for some coffee somewhere? You may have to tell me where though, 'cause I don't really know places here yet."

"Oh, uh, yeah, sure. Um, do you want me to pick you up or?"

"No, I'll meet you wherever. I'll take an Uber."

"Okay, yeah," Harry ignores the way his heart beats wildly, "there's a bakery that's on second avenue, called Barbara's. They close at seven though."

"Yeah, I'm done here at half two," she nods with a smile, "I really wanna catch up and stuff, if that's okay."

"Yeah, I'd like that too," Harry says honestly with a smile, "I'll see you later then, yeah?"

She nods. "Three sound okay?"

"Yeah," Harry agrees and then he lets her get back to her friends, bidding them a short goodbye with a wave.

He walks out of the building with a smile on his face.

Harry arrives early at the bakery, greeting Barbara again, like he did in the morning. She seems surprised to see him again.

"Meeting someone," he offers as an explanation when he passes her.

She gives him a suggestive look which. No. Absolutely not. Harry shakes his head. "A friend," he emphasises.

She still smirks at him but is then occupied by a customer so Harry takes a seat near the window, hoping it'll be easier for Lottie to find the place if she sees him by the window. That way he can see her too.

She's on time, walking straight passed Harry but into the bakery anyways. He waves her over.

"This place seems nice. Smells heavenly," she says, taking a seat opposite him.

"They make the best... everything," Harry chuckles, "how was the crumble I gave you earlier? It's from here."

"Amazing," she grins, "think I'm gonna order another one now actually."

"You know what? I think I will too," Harry smiles back, "I suggest their vanilla latte too. It's amazing."

"My favourite too."

"Oh fancy vanilla latte is your favourite now?" Harry asks, remembering how her and Louis used to hate stuff like that. Anti-everything, Harry liked to say.

She rolls her eyes. "I'm a grown woman now with my own opinions, thanks."

"I can see that," Harry says, suddenly serious but soft all the time, "you're twenty."

"I am," she blushes.

"Are you still studying--- or did you? Tell me about what's happening."

They order their drinks and slices of apple crumble while Lottie tells him that she's studying at some fancy art school which is how she got an internship with the company Zayn works for. It's her last year there and she's hoping to get a job at the company by the end of the internship. Apparently the internship is till the end of November.

"That's just over a month," Harry comments.

"Yeah, crazy. I hope I get it though. Zayn is great to work with."

"He is," Harry agrees, "can I ask you something?"

Lottie prompts him further with a raise of her eyebrow.

"Did you do this on purpose? Like, working with Zayn specifically and stuff?"

Lottie snorts. "I see why you would think that but we don't get to choose, as interns, who we work with. It was just pure coincidence that I got Zayn."

He realises then how stupid he sounded, asking that question. Of course she didn't do it purpose. She couldn't.

"Oh," he says.

"Yeah, but I am glad I got to see you again," she says with a smile.

"I am too. I'm just--- how do you not hate me right now?" Harry blurts out.

Lottie blinks, taken aback.

"I mean, like, you obviously know what happened between, um, your brother and I and stuff," Harry mumbles, "I just didn't expect you to be so... I don't know, nice?"

"Well, I think I understand it from your point of view too," she says, " and I realise that there's two sides to every story."

"What do you mean?"

"I broke up with a boyfriend of mine recently," she reveals, "I wanted to take a break," she laughs bitterly, "but he didn't understand it so we ended up breaking up."

"Oh," Harry says, "um, what happened?"

"Long distance got hard. And I felt too stressed out especially living far away from him. So I suggested that we go on a break. It wasn't even a conscious thing, you know? Just something I felt like would be good for us but he didn't get it. So we ended up breaking up. I realised then that that's probably how you felt when it happened with my brother."

Harry, for some reason, feels like there's a weight lifted off his shoulders. He lets out a breath. "I'm sorry that happened."

"It's fine. I never--- I never hated you or anything, I hope you know. I think at first I was really upset because Louis," she inhales, "he wasn't okay, you know? So obviously I wasn't happy with you and I wanted to give you a piece of my mind too but then I saw that you blocked my number."

Harry winces, feeling ashamed. "I know. I just... I saw how much I hurt Louis and I couldn't do it to any of you guys too. I thought it would be best if I just went out of all of your lives for good. I didn't wanna cause any more pain or hurt."

Lottie searches his eyes. "Harry, you were still like a brother to me--- still are. Maybe I would have been mad at first but I wouldn't have wanted you to just disappear from our lives."

"I know that now," Harry says, "kind of."

"Well, I'm just glad that I get to see you again," Lottie smiles warmly at him, "I really did miss you and I can't believe you cut your hair."

Harry reaches up to touch his short strands. "Yeah," he laughs, "It was time for a change."

"It's a shame. I loved your long hair," Lottie tuts, "but it looks good like this too."

"Thanks. Yours looks cool too. I always thought you'd go into that field--- hair, makeup and whatnot."

"I did at first but I found my passion with photography so," she shrugs, "I went with it."

"That's great. I'm really happy for you," he says sincerely.

"I see you're a big shot model now," she smirks at him, "modelling huh?"

"Yeah, never thought about it much before but I do love it. I would hardly call myself a big shot model though," he chuckles.

"I saw you in a magazine! You're a big shot model, all right."

Harry feels his cheeks grow hot. "I'm getting there slowly and I'm really enjoying it."

"That's great. You look like you're made for it, honestly."

There's a lot Harry wants to ask but it's mostly about Louis and he feels bad. She's here, right in front of him, after years. He should be asking more about her. Yet there's questions swarming his brain and they're all about Louis.

"He's here," she says abruptly.

"What?" Harry asks, confused.

"Louis, I mean. He's here, in London. Stays a few minutes away from the office building I work at. I'm staying with him in the mean time," she confesses.

Okay. That's--- that's a lot to take in. He's here. What the fuck? He's here. Louis is here and he's just minutes away from where Harry is staying too.

"Oh," Harry breathes out, "I, uh, that's great?"

Lottie snorts. "Sorry, I just knew you wanted to ask so I told you. He doesn't know who exactly I'm working for though or that I've met you."

She seems sheepish as she says the last part, looking down at her drink that's undoubtedly cold by now.

Harry sighs. "You should probably tell him," he says quietly, "though he won't be happy about it."

"He won't be," she agrees, "but it's none of his business who I talk to or work with anyways."

Harry widens his eyes a bit. "Lots, you're staying with him. He should probably know what you're up to."

She waves her hand in the air, dismissing his worry. "I'll tell him eventually," she says, "but I'm just gonna be happy in the moment, knowing I've met you again."

Harry grins at that. "I'm happy I met you too. Weird coincidences, innit?"

"Yeah, weird," she repeats, "I hope we can meet again. I have a lot to ask you too."

"I think I'd like that," Harry agrees with a genuine smile, "we can exchange numbers--- if yours has changed."

"Mine's the same. You just have to unblock me," she says, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry," he apologises sheepishly, "I'll do that now," he says, pulling out his phone and going to her contact to unblock her.

"Good, I'll message you and we can meet again soon, I hope."

"Of course," Harry says.

She goes on to tell him about her latest project with Zayn, even though he's heard a lot from Zayn already, it's nice hearing it from her. She tells Harry that Fizzy is doing well at school and so are both sets of twins. That Jay and his mum still speak every now and then but not as much as they used to.

Harry can't help but feel partially responsible for that. It must have been weird between their families when Harry and Louis broke up. He didn't even think about that much. It's not like he even spoke to his mum much anymore anyways.

When Harry tells her that, Lottie seems surprised but sympathetic. She says that his mum will come around eventually and he doesn't have it in him to disagree. Louis said the same thing all those years ago and yet...

He changes the subject eventually and they go on to talk about other things, like how she came to London which leads her to talk about Louis again.

"He moved here about a year ago," she tells him, "there was this guest lecturer at their uni and he spoke to Louis and he offered Louis a position at his firm so he moved here."

Harry feels a swell of pride in his chest. "God, he must have been so happy."

"Oh he was over the moon. And he's young, you know? So it's a great opportunity. He's having fun at the firm."

"Good, I'm really happy for him," Harry says softly. He's gotten what he's always wanted. And he deserves it.

They cut their meeting short when Barbs announces that she's going to be closing soon. Which means they've been talking for hours.

"God, I'm sorry I didn't mean to keep you," Harry apologises, "Louis must be worried."

"He'll be fine. Don't worry. This was really worth it."

Harry's heart warms.

"Plus Zayn must be worried about you too," she says, getting up from her seat.

Harry snorts, rolling her eyes, "he's fine. Don't worry."

"Well, I should get going," Lottie hums, "text me, would you?"

"I will," he promises, getting up to give her a hug, "I promise."

"Good," she pats Harry's back and pulls away, "I'll see you soon."

"Let me walk you out," Harry offers, "I can give you a ride back."

"I already called an uber," she declines with a smile.

Part of Harry is relieved. He doesn't know how he would feel, knowing that when he'd drop Lottie off, Louis would be _right there_. So close but so far away.

"I'll wait with you then," Harry declares.

They wait only for a few minutes, less than five, before her uber arrive. Harry sends her off with a wave, watching her go with a warm sort of feeling in his heart.

Zayn is fiddling through their cupboards when Harry comes home. He smiles when he sees Harry.

"I take that it went well then?" Zayn asks him, pushing a spoonful of peanut butter in his mouth.

Harry grimaces. He hates when Zayn does that. Something about that just grosses Harry out.

"It went well," he says, choosing not to comment on Zayn's habits. He's used to them by now, "we ended up talking so much that we kind of lost track of time."

"That's great," Zayn grins, walking to him, leaning against a counter, "anything juicy?"

Harry snorts, shaking his head at Zayn. "Nothing juicy," he mocks, "she did say that Louis is here though," he says softly, "she's staying with him, actually."

Zayn pulls the spoon out of his mouth, turning to him a little more. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Harry lets out a humourless laugh, "has been for over a year now and only a few minutes away from your building."

"Holy shit," Zayn breathes out, "that's--- wait, and she just happened to work with me?"

"Yeah, can you believe? Weird, innit?"

"Very weird," Zayn agrees, "It's destiny," he says, tone eerie.

Harry snorts. "I hardly think so. He's been here for over a year. If it was destiny, we would have met already."

"You don't know that. Everything happens for a reason," Zayn says, pointing his spoon at Harry, "wonder when you'll meet him then."

"Yeah right," Harry scoffs.

"Harry, you don't plan on just not speaking to Lottie again, do you?"

"No, I promised we'll be in touch," Harry mutters. And he intends on keeping that promise.

"Well, don't you think it's inevitable that you'll see him again at some point then?"

Harry hates that Zayn is right so much. "Yeah, well, I'm going to avoid that as much as possible."

"Good luck with that," Zayn sighs, " you know, there's a good chance she'll end up working for the company?"

"Yeah, I'm not surprised."

"Does Louis know she's working with me?" Zayn asks.

"No," Harry winces.

"Great," Zayn sighs again, "I hope she tells him soon."

"I told her to," Harry says, "and she will eventually."

"Fine," Zayn shrugs, throwing his spoon into the sink, "you want to watch something? You can tell me more about your catching up while we watch something" he offers.

"Yeah, sounds good. I'll make some tea," Harry says.

*

Harry meets Lottie again three days later then again the following week until they meet at least once a week at Barbara's for coffee.

She tells Harry a lot about what's happening in her life. And Harry gets to know more and more about the person she's become over the years.

Like the fact that she's taken up painting as a new hobby and that she's suddenly developed an allergy to chickpeas.

There's little conversations here and there about Louis that slip in, sometimes on purpose, sometimes by chance.

Harry learns that Louis also got a new haircut, that he despises Lottie's morning avo on toast, still hates early mornings, is one of his boss's favourites, and, on one rainy Thursday, he discovers that Louis went out on a date the previous night.

Lottie seems to catch herself when she says it, and stop mid-sentence, apologising to Harry.

"It's fine," Harry tells her, "I didnt--- its fine."

It's not fine. But it should be. It shouldn't bother him anymore. They've been broken up for years now. It's inevitable that he would find someone else to go out with. Someone else to develop feelings for, potentially love.

God, the thought makes Harry want to puke.

"It was just one date," she tries, "I don't even know if he really likes the guy."

"That's a lie," he points out with a sad smile, heart clenching. So Louis apparently does really like this guy.

She huffs. "It is only one date though. Who knows what'll happen?"

"It's okay, Lots. He's not, like, with me anymore or anything. I'm--- I'm happy for him," he says, the words like acid on his tongue.

She probably notices that so she changes the subject quickly, talking about the new recipe she tried the other night and what a disaster is turned out to be.

It takes his mind off of things for a bit, at least, until he gets home and cuddles up to Zayn, whining about how he's going to be alone forever while Louis moves on with someone else and how it's all his fault.

"It's not, jaan," Zayn says softly, sighing and rubbing his back, "like Lottie said, it could end up horrible with this guy, it's all new so you never know."

"Would it make me a terrible person if I say that I hope it does?" Harry sniffs.

"No, just a normal human being," he laughs.

"Well, whatever," Harry wipes his eyes, "as long as he's happy, I guess."

Zayn gives him a sad smile, hugging him again. They watch re-runs of _Friends_ until they both fall asleep.

*

Harry tries not to think about the fact that Louis--- someone he hasn't seen in years--- is going out with someone else now.

Harry takes it their date went well, considering the fact that Lottie lets it slip that Louis will be out late on certain days. He can only assume that means Louis is still seeing this new guy.

But he doesn't mention it again and he can see that Lottie tries not to either. She chooses her words a little more carefully and part of Harry is bothered by it but the other part of himself is relieved by it too. He can't tell which one is more dominating.

During the last week of November, Harry gets the news that Lottie has officially gotten the job at the company and she's delighted about it, of course. She can't stop grinning when Harry meets her and she rambles on about one thing to another.

"I was thinking about having a little get together of sorts. Celebrate me getting the job and stuff," she says in the midst of her rambling

"Oh? That's great."

"Yeah, it would be great to see my friends from back home too," she adds.

"I'm sure," Harry agrees, knowing how much he misses Niall more often than not.

"And I would love for you to come too," she says, tone hopeful.

Harry feels his breath catch. He clears his throat. "Um, do you really think that'll be a good idea?"

"I think so," she shrugs, "Louis said he'll be out of town for work, if that's what you're worried about."

Harry lets out a breath. That's one concern forgotten at least. The biggest one, actually. "And aren't you going to invite the rest of your family?"

Lottie shakes her head. "They're all busy--- swamped, really. I decided to celebrate with them once we're all back home for the holidays."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, then, Um, I'd love to come," Harry says decisively, "but I can't guarantee that everyone will like me."

"Of course they'll like you. Have you met you?" She scoffs lightly, "and it's not too many people anyway."

"Okay," he nods, "I'll be there. When is it?"

"Tomorrow?" She says with a fake grin, a little sheepish.

"Oh, Um, time?"

"Around five. Not too late, not too early."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"Harry," she says after a moment of silence, "you know... you probably will end up running into my brother soon, right? If you plan on keeping in contact with me for the long term, I mean."

"I do plan on doing that," he swallows, "and I know I will, it's just... I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. And does he even know you're meeting me?"

"No," her ears turn pink, "but I'll tell him soon, I will. I suppose I'll have to, what with me getting the job and all."

"Yeah," he hums, "he hates secrets."

Memories of him leaving out certain things from his travelling and even some after flash through his mind. He'd never done them intentionally, except when he'd met Zayn behind Louis' back for a while. That was horrible of him to do. All were unintentional but that one was done purposefully.

If he'd ever done something like that to Harry, Harry would be livid. He knows now, how bad it seemed; sneaking around his boyfriend's back to meet someone he claimed to be only a friend. It's the truth, Zayn is his friend, but he understands now how it must have looked to Louis.

"God, I know. I'll tell him soon. Maybe when he comes back from his trip."

"You have to tell him as soon as he comes back," Harry says firmly, "you can't delay it anymore, especially because you're staying with him."

"And the fact that he's my brother and he tells me everything," she wrinkles her nose, "don't think he's going to take it too well though, which is why I've been holding off for so long."

"I get it," Harry says honestly, even if it does sting. He won't like that his sister is talking to his ex-boyfriend again or that she's working with the guy Louis despises. It's what Zayn has said; that Louis probably despises him.

It's a real shame because what he said all those years ago still stands. He does think that they would get along really well and that they could have potentially been best friends, even closer than Harry is with Zayn. Sort of. 

"Thanks for coffee again," Lottie says, munching on a biscuit, "I owe you next time."

"Never a problem. Don't worry about it," he smiles.

"I'm stubborn. There's no use arguing with me about this," she says, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Fine," he sighs, "you owe me then."

"Good. And I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"You will. Zayn is invited too?"

"Of course. He's helped me so much with this so Yeah, he's definitely invited."

"Okay, good," he lets out a sigh of relief. At least he won't be a total loner then. He'll have someone he knows and is comfortable with, other than Lottie of course.

"Can I ask you something?" She asks.

Harry nods.

"Are you and Zayn... like, do you guys really have a thing or?"

"No," he chokes out, snorting, "God, no. We're just best friends."

"Ah, okay. Just curious."

"Never did when I was with Louis either," he says, just for clarification.

"I know," she says , eyes a little wide, "I know you're not that type of person."

"Thank you," he breathes out.

Again, it feels like there's a weight that's been lifted off of his shoulders.

*

The place Lottie chooses to celebrate is fancy. Very fancy. It's sleek and modern, the furniture minimalistic, just to Harry's taste.

There's luxurious looking booths, plush and silver in colour and the theme overall seems to be black, white and silver.

Apparently, this place is a mixture between a lounge and restaurant of sorts.

Harry finds himself feeling a little elated that there's a huge bar in the middle of the place, with two bartenders behind the counter. At least there'll be alcohol.

That kind of makes him sound sleazy but oh well.

"Fancy fucking place," Zayn comments beside him, "how do you think she afforded it?"

Harry nudges his ribs, giving him a stern look. "Don't say things like that," he chides.

"Just asking," Zayn grumbles, rubbing the place Harry nudged him.

"There she is," Harry says, spotting her with four other people at an end booth, looking big enough to fit at least ten of them.

"Let's go get some celebration on then," Zayn says with a smile.

Harry walks beside him to Lottie's table. She spots them and grins, getting up. She hugs Harry and gives an awkward wave-greeting to Zayn. Guess it would be weird considering the fact that Zayn was kind of like a boss to her the past month and a half or so.

"These are my friends," she says, introducing Harry and Zayn to the people still seated, "Harry you know Vernoica and Jamie."

Harry recognises their faces from when he'd seen them that day at the cafeteria with Lottie. God, that seems like it was ages ago.

"And this is Dev and that's Gina," she says, gesturing at the two other people. One has a thick beard and the other has purple hair. Harry likes the colour, he thinks distractedly.

"Anyways, sit down and let's order something, yeah? I'm starving," she says, taking a seat again.

Harry sits next to Zayn on his right and Veronica on his left.

"So how did you two meet?" Jamie asks Harry, tapping his pink coated nails on the tablecloth. Harry thinks he might have the exact same colour.

"Um, we grew up together, I guess," Lottie answers.

"Yeah, I've known her since she was born, really," he smiles.

"Wow," Veronica says, jutting out her bottom lip as if shes impressed, "are you guys the same age then?"

"No, Harry is a few years older," she answers with a smile but then her whole demeanour changes, her body tensing, eyes over Harry's shoulders.

Harry turns around, along with Zayn, just in time to hear that familiar voice that gets his blood thrumming in his veins, his heart stuttering and breath caught in his throat.

"Lots," Louis says, voice just as raspy and beautiful as Harry remembers it to be.

He feels like running away but he can't. He's stuck in fucking tar again. God he's tired of Tomlinsons doing this.

Quickly, he turns back around, meeting Lottie's eyes.

"He isn't supposed to be here," she says hastily, eyes apologetic.

Then, too quickly, Louis is at their table and everyone around them is turning their attention to Louis. He seems to only notice Lottie for the moment, from what he can see whilst his eyes are glued onto the silver table cloth.

"Sorry, love. Wanted to surprise you," Harry hears him say, chuckling a bit, the sound causing an arrow to pierce through Harry's heart.

Then--- then the worst thing imaginable happens. Not that he's expecting anything else to happen in this situation, but it's still making Harry want to crawl into a hole and hide.

"Zayn?" Louis says, his tone shocked, "what---"

He stops, Harry's breath stopping with him. Then, "Harry?"

Harry finally looks up, feeling like he's fucking drowning, his cheeks hot. He meets the familiar blue eyes that he hasn't stopped thinking about since he's met Louis. They're all the same but so different. They're colder now, when they look at Harry, hardening. He never used to look at Harry that way. His eyes always used to turn soft when he looked at Harry, the blue lightening, his eyes almost sparkling.

He glances at Zayn again then, his gaze becoming even colder, blue turning to ice. God--- Harry realises then what this looks like. Shit. Shit. _Shit_.

"Um, Hi," Harry only then notices that someone is with Louis, someone who's close to him in proximity, "Sorry for crashing," he chuckles, voice deep, almost as deep as Harry's.

"Uh," Louis snaps out of his gaze that was fixed on Harry and Zayn, placing a hand on the small of the other man's back. Oh. _Oh_. "You remember Jake, Yeah?"

"Right," Lottie laughs nervously. Harry only notices then that she's standing up, "Um, good to see you again."

"Yeah, you too," he grins, "just came to say hi and congratulations and I'm heading out."

Insecurities of every kind flood through him then, as he looks at this man. This Jake guy is gorgeous, there's no denying. He has thick, dark black hair and piercing blue eyes with a naturally smoldering look on his face.

Harry hates him instantly.

"Oh, thanks," she smiles, "that's kind of you."

Harry catches sight of Louis, his eyes fixed on Zayn, glaring at him. Harry looks at Zayn for the first time since Louis arrived, seeing him squirming uncomfortably.

The other people at the table seem to notice the tension, judging by the way they're all looking so uneasy. God, this is a disaster. Maybe he should just leave.

"Anyways," Jake speaks up again, "I should get going then," he purses his lips into a smile, "I'll see you on Tuesday then?" He asks Louis.

Louis simply nods, looking a little pale. "See you," he says, smiling shortly.

Jake squeezes his shoulder as a goodbye, thankfully, before waving at the rest of them seated and turning around, heading back to the door to leave.

The tension gets even thicker then, because there's one less person with them and Harry has to face Louis again. Even if the other person was probably this guy Louis was seeing recently.

Fuck. Unexpectedly, he has an overwhelming to cry. Why the fuck does he have to let his emotions get the best of him?

"Lottie, can I talk to you for a second?" Louis says suddenly.

She swallows, nodding, before stepping out and following her brother to a secluded corner of the place, near what seems to be the bathrooms.

There's a lot of hand gestures as they talk to one another--- argue, from what it seems like. Louis seems frustrated, Lottie seems annoyed.

"Should we leave?" Zayn asks him.

Harry glances at everyone else at the table before nodding slowly. "We should tell Lottie first, yeah?"

Harry feels bad, he really does. He knows this is supposed to be a day about her and for her. But he just can't find it in himself to stay here, Louis' icy gaze burning a hole in the back of his mind just like so many other memories of him.

Zayn nods in agreement just as Lottie comes back to the table, her face red and eyes shimmering with what seems like unshed tears.

"Lottie," Harry says softly, "maybe we should leave?"

She looks up at him, letting out a defeated sigh. "Louis also wants to leave so yeah, fine, if you want to."

It doesn't sound very fine. Harry purses his lips, guilt churning in his stomach.

"Maybe I should go," Zayn offers, "I think it might be for the best."

"Maybe we should end this," Lottie sighs, looking at her other friends, "we could meet up another time?"

Harry's guilt worsens. Before he can offer any sort of compromise, Louis comes back to the table. His hair is a little wet, the droplets clinging to the strands that fall over his forehead in a soft fringe. He must have washed his face in the bathroom. He looks gorgeous, of course. He always did, probably always will.

He opens his mouth to speak but Lottie holds up a hand, nostrils flaring. "It's fine," she says, "I'll celebrate another time, if I feel like it."

Louis stares at her, sighing. "I was meant to surprise you," he says quietly, "if you want me gone, just tell me."

"I'll leave," Harry chimes in. Louis looks at him. Harry gulps. "I mean, you're her brother, you should probably be here."

"And you're my friend," Lottie counters, voice soft, "It's fine, I'll just do this some other time."

"Lottie---"

"Louis, it's fine," she cuts him off, "I'm not in the mood anymore anyways."

Louis sighs but doesn't say anything else.

"Um," Dev says, "we'll see you soon then?" He asks, getting up along with the rest of her friends.

"I'll message you guys," she nods.

Harry gets up too, his chair making a loud noise over the tiles as he does so. He cringes. Of course it had to be his.

When he's standing up fully, he realises he's closer to Louis than he'd anticipated. Louis seems to notice too, taking a step back.

"Uh, I'll wait for you in the car, okay?" He tells Lottie.

She simply nods at him and then he's off, hurrying out the restaurant. Harry watches his retreating figure, heart clenching. When Louis is completely out of sight, he turns back around, seeing Lottie hugging her friends goodbye.

Harry gives them friendly smiles as they head out. He goes to Lottie once it's just him, Zayn and her.

"I'm so sorry," they say simultaneously .

Harry laughs. "Sorry, I just--- I didn't mean to ruin this for you."

"It's fine," she sighs, "I guess it's a good thing you two met sooner rather than later even if the timing wasn't the best."

"Maybe," he wrinkles his nose, "guess it didn't look that great to him, did it?"

"No, he's not very happy, like I expected but this was coming eventually," she shrugs, "he's just going to have to accept that you're in my life again."

Harry smiles softly. "You know, I don't have to---"

"Don't," Lottie shakes her head, smiling at him, "It's great to have you back and trust me, my brother will feel the same way once he gets his head out of his arse."

Zayn chuckles under his breath from beside Harry.

"Sorry about that," Lottie tells Zayn, "he isn't your biggest fan."

"Oh, I know," he sighs, "It's okay, not your fault."

"It was no ones fault," she says diplomatically, "just bad timing."

"Yeah," Harry agrees, "I'll make it up to you though."

"You don't have to. It's seriously okay. We'll do this some other time, okay? As long as you're there for that one too. Hopefully you and my brother will be at a somewhat better place with each other."

Harry doesn't know if that's entirely possible. Still, he nods. "Yeah, all right. Congratulations though. I'm proud of you," he smiles, pulling her in for a hug.

"Thanks, Harry," she says against his shoulder, "that means a lot."

Harry has an overwhelming feeling then, more so than before, of missing his own sister. Lottie is so much like his sister, just as well as, and Harry hasn't spoken to Gemma in a while. He makes a mental note to call her soon.

They leave without seeing Louis again, but making sure Lottie got to the car safely before getting to their own. Amongst the other cars, Louis' face was just obstructed, thankfully.

"God, that was something else," Zayn says, rubbing his temples.

Harry feels another dose of guilt. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, H. Not your fault, is it?"

"Still," he insists, "you don't deserve to go through that. It must feel awful."

"To know I caused you guys to break up? Yeah, it kinda does," he says, tone unreadable.

Harry's guilt worsens. He's never heard Zayn say anything like that before. He's never--- well, he's never thought that Zayn could be feeling that.

"Zayn, God, it's not your fault," Harry says immediately, "please don't tell me you've been blaming yourself this whole time?"

Zayn avoids his gaze, his own fixed on the cars passing by the window. He shrugs. "It's hard mot to, innit? Especially after the way he looked at me in there," Zayn shakes his head, "none of this would have happened if you didn't meet me."

"Zayn, please don't even say that. You're my best friend," he scolds.

"Yeah, at what cost?" He scoffs out a laugh. "You lost the love of your life because of me."

Harry feels a lump form in his throat. He's trying to focus on the road and on Zayn but it's hard to do all at once. "It's not you fault that he feels the way that he does," Harry says, voice shaking, "you were there for me as a friend when I needed it the most, Z. You know I love you."

Zayn glances at him briefly before shifting his eyes to his lap. He sighs. "I know. It's just hard. I just keep thinking that if you and I hadn't met, maybe you and Louis would still be together."

"No," Harry says instantly, surprising himself, "I think--- maybe we would have stayed together a little longer but, Z, we were both so fucking lost and we had a lot of issues under the surface that we didn't deal with. I think we would have ended things eventually."

It's awful, admitting it out loud, but he knows deep down, that it's the truth. It doesn't change the fact that he thinks they're meant to be together. He knows Louis is his soulmate. That doesn't mean they can't have a falling out. In this case, a permanent one. They did have a lot of issues to deal with and Harry sure as hell knows he had a handful of his own to sort out, some that he's still working through.

Yes, he loved Louis, maybe still does, considering the fact that he thinks they're soulmates and all, but their relationship at the time was turning toxic. It would have been a disaster to force it.

"Part of myself knows that. I mean, from what I saw--- which wasn't a lot, mind you--- I could see that there were some underlying issues there. It just gets to me sometimes."

It's rare that Zayn is so opened with him. That he's so vulnerable and honest. It's not like he's closed off per se, but he's always been like, mellowed out, easygoing, unbothered to an extent.

"I'm sorry you have to feel that way. I'm sorry that you're caught in the middle of it all. God, I'm just so sorry," Harry huffs, "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Like I said, it's just part of me sometimes. I understand It. It's okay," Zayn says, "do you know if you're going to talk to him again?"

"Did it look like he wants to talk to me?" Harry laughs bitterly.

"I think he does," Zayn says, "I think today, seeing you after so long, was just a bit much for him--- both of you, really--- but I think he does."

"And then what?" Harry asks quietly, "we pretend like we don't know each other? Pretend to want to start over and be friends?"

"Why pretend? Why can't you really just start over with him?" Zayn asks, arching a brow at him. "Or at the very least be civil with each other since Lottie is back in your life now."

For Lottie's sake. Zayn is right. Harry doubts that he and Louis can be friends only because they can't ever _just_ be friends. That's not--- there will always be something more to them. He doesn't know how they'd go about being friends. Ideally, Harry would love to be friends with him but he doesn't see Louis agreeing to that.

But they can be civil with each other, at least. He's not sure how often he'll see Louis and he knows hell probably do his best to avoid him anyways, but it's inevitable that they'll see each other again.

Right now, Harry doesn't even know when he'll see Louis again. The thought brings him relief but also an odd sense of disappointment that he can't quite figure out.

*

He sees Louis again only just over a week after Lottie's disaster celebration get together. It's too soon for Harry and it completely takes him by surprise.

Not only that; he meets Liam too. He hasn't seen Liam since he'd left Manchester so he almost doesn't recognise him at first.

Zayn and Harry are at that opening for the new bank that Zayn has to take pictures for and it's a very high class event, if the people with their noses in the air all around them are anything to go by.

Harry feels out of place amongst them and he's mostly left to himself while Zayn does his thing. It's Zayn who actually tells him that he's pretty sure he'd just seen Liam.

"Where?" Harry asks, surprised, eyes immediately scanning the room.

"There with the guy in the red velvet suit," Zayn says, pointing in their direction.

Harry grins. There's a tug at his heart strings as he notices his old friend. Liam looks more or less the same. He's just got glasses on now and his hair is a little longer which is why it took him by surprise.

"Go say hi," Zayn encourages him with a little nudge to his ribs.

"Ow," Harry scowls, rubbing the spot Zayn nudged, "you think that's a good idea?"

They haven't really spoken since Harry and Louis ended things. They've sent each other simple birthday and holiday messages but that's about it. He's just surprised he didn't get an earful from Liam when he'd left.

"Yeah, H. I think he'll be happy to see you," Zayn smiles, then straightens his tie.

He looks particularly dashing today, even if his suit is plain and boring. He would probably make anything work if Harry is being honest.

"Go," Zayn says again, giving him a look.

Harry bites his bottom lip in contemplation. Liam is laughing with the other man, head thrown back. Should Harry interrupt that?

He decides to just say 'fuck it' and starts walking towards Liam after excusing himself from Zayn. As Harry gets closer, Liam seems to catch his eye, his own eyes widening, a slow smile spreading across his features.

"Hi," Harry breathes out once hes by Liam and the man in the red velvet suit.

"Harry," Liam laughs, surprised. Then he's being engulfed into a tight hug. Harry hugs back instantly, feeling himself getting all emotional.

"Uh, I'll see you later, Mr. Payne," the man in red tells him, giving him a small smile.

Liam bids him goodbye before pulling away, hands on Harry's shoulders. "Jeez, you got taller. What the hell?"

Harry laughs wetly. "You look even more handsome," he teases playfully.

Liam drops his hands, his cheeks turning red. "Thanks, mate. You too," then shakes his head, "God it's been ages."

Harry nods. "Yeah, really missed you," he says honestly.

Liam's eyes soften. "I know, H. Missed you too, man."

He's more than relieved that he hasn't gotten a slap or kicked in the balls yet. Pleasantly surprised yet again that someone close to Louis doesn't want to murder him.

"What are you doing here?" He asks Liam curiously.

"I work here, actually," Liam confesses, looking around the building.

"Wow, big shot now, huh?" Harry says, raising his eyebrows, impressed.

It makes sense since Liam was studying accounting. He's always loved it and Harry never understood why. Then again, anything Harry learnt in school was just dull and uninteresting to him.

"Nah," Liam waves him off, shrugging, "just got started off here actually."

"That's great," Harry grins, "so you're staying here then?"

"Yeah, with my sister and her family for now," he confirms, "you, on the other hand are a big shot for real, aren't you?"

Harry blushes, bowing his head. "Not really," he mumbles.

"Are you kidding? Saw you in a magazine just the other day," Liam says, smiling, "It's great that you found something you love, H."

Harry grins. "I appreciate that, Li. Thank you. I really do love doing it."

"You're welcome," he says sincerely, "how did you get into it anyways?"

"Zayn," Harry explains, "remember his boss who wanted to sign me way back when I was travelling?"

Liam nods.

"Yeah, well, I took it eventually and here we are."

"Wow, that's sick."

"Yeah--- Zayn is actually here somewhere," Harry says, scanning the room, "taking photos."

"Oh he's the photographer," Liam realises.

"Yeah," Harry diverts his gaze back to Liam after not finding Zayn anywhere, "he's great."

"I'm sure he is," Liam hums, staring at Harry like hes unsure, "are you, um, are you two dating now then?"

"No," Harry chuckles, shaking his head, "still my best friend, like I said all those years ago."

Liam almost looks shocked and Harry feels a little offended but doesn't say anything.

"Oh," Liam clears his throat, "um, Louis is here too," he adds, "just so you know."

"Oh," Harry's heart rate increases.

"Yeah, he, um, told me what happened last week," Liam winces, nose wrinkling, "must have been awkward, ey?"

Harry scoffs. "God, yeah. That's an understatement."

"Well, I guess that's expected," Liam says with a sympathetic smile, "you should go say hi if you see him though."

Harry raises a brow at him. "I don't think he wants to see me, if last week is anything to go by."

Liam shrugs. "I think it was just tense, that's all. It's been a few years, hasn't it? I'm sure you two can at least say hi to each other."

He has a point, just like Zayn did. Maybe they should meet again. They'd get along really well.

"Yeah, maybe," Harry mutters, though he's doubtful.

"Listen, I have to go mingle with some people," Liam says, "but please don't be a stranger, yeah? I'll come find you later if I can."

"Okay, yeah. Um, sorry to keep you," Harry says.

"It's fine," Liam waves his hand in the air, "I'll catch you later, yeah?"

Harry nods, feeling elated. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, watching Liam walk way, disappearing back into the crowd of people.

Harry still doesn't see Zayn anywhere so he decides to make use of the open bar. He could really use a drink. He always needs a drink.

The bar isn't busy, thankfully. He orders a martini, since it seems perfect for the occasion in his opinion.

His mind wanders to aimless thoughts as he waits for his drink. Things like, what he needs to get from the grocery store, change the shampoo back to the old one that he'd been using and what was the last episode of _The Sinner_ that he'd watched.

Then a voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

"Just a martini with extra olives please," says the airy voice.

Harry's fingers tingle as he turns to his right ever-so-slightly, seeing Louis. He looks... just... so good. Harry doesn't think there'll ever be a time that he wouldn't look drop dead gorgeous. He'll say that a billion times if he has to.

He's dressed in a tight grey suit, hair pulled into a quiff and slight stubble on his cheeks. The suit hugged all the right places. His cheeks feel warm and he can't even blame it on alcohol.

Louis hasn't noticed him, even though he's only an empty seat away from Harry. His eyes are glued to his phone, eyebrows furrowed as he types out something.

Harry clears his throat, hoping it catches his attention but ultimately fails to do so. He finds his voice and tries again with a soft, "hello," that he does actually hear.

He looks up from his phone, his face contorting into an expression Harry can't really explain. To Harry's surprise though, Louis greets back.

"Hello," he says, putting his phone into the inner pocket of his blazer.

And then it's awkward again.

"Um, you still have extra olives with your martini," Harry says. For some reason, he thought that would be the best thing to say.

"Yeah, love olives," Louis says, shrugging.

Harry wants to say that he knows that but he realises that it's been years and there's probably a lot about Louis he doesn't know anymore. A lot could have changed.

Harry nods, pursing his lips into an awkward smile. "You're here for Liam then?"

"Yeah," Louis replies, chewing on his bottom lip, expression unreadable, "did he, um, invite you?"

"No, um, I actually came here 'cause Zayn is the photographer tonight," he admits, albeit reluctantly because then Louis' face hardens and Harry gets his drink simultaneously.

"Oh, good for him," Louis mutters.

"Um, we're not, like, together or anything," Harry says quickly. He doesn't know why, even after all these years and the fact that they're not even together anymore, he still feels the need to defend himself. To justify his actions. He doesn't want to go back to that.

Louis looks at him, eyes searching Harry's. Harry feels like he's being scrutinized. He chooses that moment to look away and take a sip of his drink.

"Look," Louis says, actually moving closer to Harry, sitting down on the empty chair next to him. Harry gets a whiff of his cologne that he relishes in. "It's none of my business so it's, you know, whatever, it's good that I'm seeing you here actually."

"Oh?" Harry perks up.

"Yeah, I, uh, should apologise for Lottie's thing the other day," Louis says, again surprising Harry, "It was just weird seeing you again so, uh, guess I didn't know how to handle it."

Harry composes himself before replying. "It's fine--- I should apologise too. It was supposed to be about Lottie and I was being selfish."

Louis is facing him. He's actually turned to Harry and talking to him. Is Harry dreaming?

"Yeah guess we both were," Louis mumbles, pursing his lips, "she told me that she's working with Zayn."

"I told her to tell you as soon as we spoke," Harry says, "she said she was going to, in her defence."

Louis snorts. "It's fine. She said you two have been meeting quite a bit too. That you're good friends now."

"I guess," Harry smiles, "I understand if you, like, aren't okay with that, or something. I just--- I really do like hanging out with her and it's great seeing her do what what she's doing. I'm not going to---"

"Harry, it's fine," Louis sighs, cutting him off, "she told me that you guys are friends and it's... whatever," he shrugs, "I'm not gonna tell her who she should and shouldn't be friends with."

That's--- that's more than what Harry was expecting, so that's... good?

"Oh, um, thank you," he says, though its comes out more as a question, "that's nice of you."

Louis' drink is placed in front of him.

"You know, since I'm hanging out with Lottie so much and stuff, maybe we should, like, try and be friends, maybe?" Harry suggests, blurting it out before Louis leaves.

He watches Louis look down at his drink then look at Harry again, letting out a sigh. "Uh, look, you can be friends with my sister and stuff but I don't see why we should."

Harry's heart clenches. "Oh," he says quietly, "I mean--- o-okay."

Louis turns to his drink. "We can, not be horrible to each other and stuff but that's about it. I don't really have any interests in being friends with you."

Harry pushes down the hurt and disappointment in his chest. "Okay," he agrees. What else can he do?

"I'll see you around, yeah?" Louis says, giving him a tight smile, "you should talk to Liam; he'd be happy to see you."

Harry doesn't bother telling him that he already has and that, yes, he was happy to see Harry. Instead, he nods shortly and then Louis is turning away from Harry and walking away with one last tight smile.

Harry didn't know he'd put so much of hope in them being friends again. At the _very least_ friends. He knew when Zayn suggested it that the idea was far-fetched but now, it's gotten crushed within seconds.

Maybe there was a part of him that hoped it could be okay between them again but he guesses that that's never gonna happen now. All Louis wants is for them not to be horrible to each other. Which--- Harry wasn't planning on being horrible to him but whatever.

Harry doesn't think twice before downing his martini in one go and scanning the room again to find Zayn. He doesn't think he should stay here any longer. He'll say goodbye to Liam and that'll be it.

He feels stupid and a little humiliated for suggesting something like them being friends. As if the idea itself was so ludicrous. Apparently it is. Harry did think so too. He wonders what changed and spurred him on to even ask in the first place.

Harry doesn't linger on the thought any longer. He gets up when he finally spots Zayn, laughing and talking to--- to Liam?

He actually takes a step back, shocked. But he smiles, despite everything. See, Harry knows Zayn by now. He knows when Zayn is flirting, when he's really into someone and right now, he seems to be doing the flirting and he seems to be really into Liam. Frickin Liam. What?

Sighing, Harry sits back down and orders another martini. Zayn looks like he's really enjoying talking to Liam and he isn't about to interrupt that. He smiles again, watching Zayn blush. That's something he doesn't see often for sure. Zayn deserves this. He's done so much for Harry, he can at least flirt with someone, even if the someone is fucking Liam Payne.

Fuck, Harry did not see that coming but oh, well. These things do happen. Harry doesn't oppose. Now that he _really_ thinks about it, he thinks they'll actually get along really well. Well, they clearly are, from what he can tell.

Liam, sly dog, is also pulling the same moves he used to since high school. That bloody subtle hand on the shoulder that kind of lingers and it actually gets Zayn blushing even more.

Harry giggles to himself and looks away. He feels weird looking at them for too long. Now, he'll just have another drink and ignore the ache in his heart.

For the rest of the night, Harry doesn't see Louis again, thankfully. Zayn, along with Liam, come to get him about an hour and a half later, grinning from ear to ear.

Harry smirks at them. "You two get along then?" He asks.

Liam laughs, looking like an excited puppy. "Uh, Yeah, he's cool," he says coyly, "um, I just wanted to thank you for coming."

"It's not problem. I mean, I didn't even know this is, like, a big deal for you," he laughs nervously, "but you're welcome anyways."

"Still," he insists, "It was nice to see you again too--- and you Zayn."

"Yeah, uh, you too," Zayn grins at him.

Man, he's already so smitten. What the fuck? Is that even possible in such a short amount of time?

"Um, anyways," Liam looks at Harry again, "I hope I see you again soon--- both of you."

"I hope so too,"

The words don't come out of Harry's mouth, Instead, they come out of Zayn's.

Harry blinks at him. "Um, Yeah," he agrees, "we'll meet up soon, I guess."

"We will," Liam says, like he's confident, then looks at Zayn again, "anyways, I'll let you guys go, yeah? Thanks again for coming."

"Bye, Li. Proud of you," Harry tells him, then gets up from his seat to give him a hug.

"Thanks, Harry."

He gives them a short wave before sauntering over to another group of people. Harry immediately turns to his friend.

"Liam huh?" He asks, arms crossed over his chest and eyebrows raised, a smile on his face.

Zayn rolls his eyes but his cheeks are pink. "Shut up," he mumbles, "let's go, come on."

Harry giggles, following Zayn to the lift. Even while they're in the lift, Harry teases him relentlessly, especially after he finds out that Liam gave Zayn his number.

Zayn tunes him out, he knows how to do that by now, but Harry doesn't really stop. It's only when they're at home that he does stop because Zayn asks him something.

"Liam said Louis was there. Did you see him?"

Harry's playful smile and teasing mood disappears. He looks down, taking off his shoes.

"Yeah, spoke briefly," he answers.

"What? H, what did he say?" Zayn asks eagerly.

"I offered being friends with him, since I'm gonna be hanging out with Lottie so much, you know?" He laughs mirthlessly, the sound hollow, "and he said no, that we didn't need to be and he has no interest in being friends with me."

"What?" Zayn asks, surprised.

"Yeah, just said we didn't need to be horrible to each other but we don't need to be friends," Harry mutters, looking at Zayn.

He hates the look on Zayn's face. "I'm sorry, H. He's an arse."

Harry snorts, shrugging. "Yeah, whatever," he puts on a nonchalant facade even though he knows Zayn doesn't buy it, "I'm just glad you and Li got along--- you should call him soon."

"I will," Zayn thankfully doesn't push on the Louis thing, "come here, H."

Harry swallows, hugging Zayn and squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm gonna go to bed," Harry says, pulling away before he does something stupid like cry.

"Yeah, me too," Zayn smiles, "we'll go out tomorrow, yeah? Bowling, maybe?"

"Sure," Harry agrees easily.

They say goodnight to each other once more before heading to their respective rooms. Harry wills himself to stop thinking about his meeting with Louis earlier and fall asleep instead. It's all he can do right now.

*

Harry hasn't spoken to Gemma in months, not counting the text he'd sent her for her birthday, so seeing her again after so long makes him emotional. Seeing her smile on the Skype screen immediately gets him to tears.

"God, H, are you okay?" She asks, her smile disappearing.

Harry nods, wiping his eyes. "I just missed you so much and you look different."

Gemma gives him a sad smile. "I miss you too," she says, "and I've only dyed my hair a lighter colour."

"You look nice," he smiles.

"Always do," she winks, "hey, I'll come visit whenever I can, yeah?"

"I know," he says quietly, "tell me what's been going on with you; are you still with that Sam guy?"

She goes on to tell him that she is in fact still with him and that she's loving her new job at a bank. Again with a bank. Harry will never understand how she enjoys that because it seems so dull but as long as she's happy, Harry doesn't really care.

She says that their mum and Robin are doing well and their dad bought a new car, one he definitely can't afford but he's already in love with. Harry isn't surprised, he's always been impulsive like that. He should visit him soon though.

His dad hadn't been so harsh over his decisions like his mum was, much to his surprise. He wasn't happy per se but he came around eventually and he always makes sure to tell Harry whenever he sees him in a magazine or anywhere else, sending him pictures and a nice emoji. He's obsessed with using them nowadays.

"You're getting famous though, aren't you?" Gemma asks, wiggling her brows.

"No, hardly," he brushes it off, "nothing compared to some of the other models I've worked with."

"Oh, come on," she clicks her tongue, "I've seen you in so many magazines and Instagram pages already!"

"Still," he insists, "I'm only starting off."

"I know and you've already come so far. You should be proud," she says softly.

"I know. I am," he says honestly. About four years ago or so, he was lost with no real plan for his future and now, he feels much more in control of his life. He's kind of learnt to let things happen though. You can't always control _everything_ in your life.

"Hey, did I tell you that I met Louis again?" Harry remembers. Or, well, if he's being honest, Louis hasn't really left his mind since they'd met again.

"What?" She gasps. "And?"

"It was awkward, of course. I suggested trying to be friends, 'cause of Lottie being in both of our lives, you know? I thought I'd attempt a peace offering," he grimaces.

"Oh," she blinks, "and how did that go?"

"He turned me down," he snorts, ignoring the ache in his chest, "I was stupid to even suggest it in the first place, honestly."

"Really? Well then he's an idiot," she frowns, "honestly he doesn't even deserve it."

"Gem, it isn't his fault," Harry says softly, defending him.

"Ugh, come _on_ ," she huffs, "he kicked you out just like that and was so immature about everything!"

"Well, I wasn't any better," he mumbles, "anyways, that's not the point--- I just wanted to tell you that I saw him again."

"And he was an arse," she scoffs, "he should be thankful that you even want to be friends with him after everything that's happened."

"Gemma," he sighs tiredly, "look, I just--- it's fine, I don't blame him, okay? I guess the wounds are still fresh and all."

"After, like, four years?" She asks incredulously, "if he were mature, he would have moved past all of that by now."

Harry wants to argue against that. He hasn't moved on from any of it. Then again, his reasoning might be different. Probably is different. He's still hung up on Louis whereas Louis probably hates his guts.

"I guess seeing each other again after so long just brings back all the memories. It certainly did for me."

"And yet you still pushed that away to offer your friendship," she says, raising a brow at him as if she's challenging him to argue.

"It wasn't easy," he argues but weakly, "anyways, It's over now and he said we don't have to be horrible to each other, whatever that means. It's not like I was planning to in the first place but whatever."

"Well, you don't need him in your life anyways. I'm sure you and Lottie can still be friends without him being in the way. She's an adult after all."

"Yeah," Harry nods, "haven't even told her what happened, actually. She's not gonna be happy about it."

"Bless her, shes using her brain."

Harry rolls his eyes half-heartedly. "You know, I really wasn't innocent in our whole break up, Gem. I should have tried harder with him. I kept secrets with him, became distant--- it just, it wasn't all his fault."

Harry didn't think Louis was at fault at all actually but he doesn't say that. At first, he blamed himself for everything. Then, at one stage, he became angry at Louis and at himself for causing them to break up. Now, It's sort of a mixture of the two, besides blaming Louis. He just looks back on it and he doesn't see Louis doing anything wrong. Apparently everyone else around him disagrees. Including Niall, last they spoke about all of this.

"You know, I'll never agree with any of that but I suppose there's no changing your mind," she sighs, "anyways, tell me how the hunt for a new place is going."

"It went well actually. Found a nice place not too far from Zayn's. Small but cosy," he says, thankful for the change of subject.

He decided to go with the flat he'd seen the day before he met Lottie for the first time in years. It felt right choosing that one.

"That's great," she grins, "can't wait to visit you then."

"Yeah, but I have to wait until January to move in and stuff, what with the holidays coming up and stuff."

"God, I know. It's been busy. I had to work on my birthday. It was horrendous," she pouts.

"I'm sorry. We'll make up for it when you come visit. You still going to Sam's for the holidays, right?"

She nods with an apologetic smile.

"It's fine. I'll see you after the New Year," he smiles, "just have fun and behave."

"No promises," she grumbles. "Are you sure you'll be fine alone during the holidays?"

"I'm a grown man, Gemma. I'll be fine," he sighs.

"Yeah, but not even Zayn is going to be there and I'm just worried that you aren't g---"

"Gemma," he says tiredly, "stop it. I'm okay. I'll be okay. If I need anything, I'll tell you."

"Okay," she says, still looking reluctant.

"Come on, tell me some of the gossip amongst your co-workers now. Did Jess tell her husband about sleeping with her best friend?"

Gemma snorts, shaking her head, catching Harry up on all the drama in her life including her own. Harry is glad they aren't talking about himself anymore, if he's being honest.

*

"I'm gonna kill him," Lottie says on the other end of the line, huffing.

"Lottie, it's fine. He didn't say anything wrong," Harry reassures her, reading the ingredients on the back of a Thai green curry paste.

"But that was such an arsehole move," she argues, "he said that he'd talk to you again and sort things out--- I didn't think he meant that."

"I guess it kind of is?" Harry pinches his brows together, "hey, if something is made in a factory that handles shellfish but its not in the ingredients, can I still give it to someone who's allergic to shellfish?"

"Probably not. Just to be careful," she answers, "and don't change the subject."

"But it says it's suitable for vegetarians," Harry pouts.

"Harry," she scolds, "listen, I'll talk to him, okay? Maybe after the holidays 'cause I don't want to be in a bad mood."

And it'll be Louis' birthday. Harry doesn't add that.

"It's not a big deal, Lots. I'm still friends with you and you know that's not gonna change any time soon, no matter what," he says softly.

"Yeah, yeah," she says, the fight in her lost, "just--- I don't know, thought it would be a little better."

"Me too," he says honestly, "but it's fine, listen, I have to go, yeah? I'll see you on Tuesday."

"Yeah, all right. Bye, H. Take care."

Harry hangs up, putting his phone into his coat pocket and looking down at the packaging again in contemplation. He doesn't want to, like, kill Zayn.

"Hey,"

Harry almost drops the package down and runs. He widens his eyes, looking at the person who greeted him.

"Louis," he almost chokes, "Hi."

God, how long has he been standing there?

"Hey," Louis says again, adjusting the basket in his hand, "how are you?"

Harry swallows. "Fine. And you?"

"I'm good, yeah," he brings one hand up to his face, moving his fringe from his eyes, "you--- um, you doing some last minute shopping?"

Harry blinks at him. "Um, yeah, something like that. Are you?"

"Yeah," Louis lets out a laugh, "still a little hopeless with the cooking thing so getting some microwave dinners and Lottie is just as bad."

"Yeah, I know," Harry chuckles. This feels like a bit of a 360 from the Louis he'd met at Liam's company's event.

"Um, I wanted to apologise," Louis says, scratching the back of his head then looking at Harry again, "I didn't--- I wasn't nice about what you said that night."

To say Harry is surprised is an understatement. "Oh, it's fine, I guess. I--- Yeah, it's okay."

"It's not but I appreciate that," he says, smiling.

He looks unbelievably soft, in a jumper and a hoodie with joggers and his hair down. It makes everything he's saying seem a bit more genuine, somehow.

"It's fine," Harry repeats, unsure of what else to say, "Um, thank you for that."

"Yeah, uh, I should go now but hey, I think you should try that other brand of Thai green curry paste; the one underneath. It shouldn't interfere with any shellfish allergies."

There's a small smile on his face before he turns around to walk away, leaving Harry with pink cheeks and wide eyes.

So he did hear their conversation. Or at least some of it. Harry places the packet of paste back and grabs the one underneath it. Sure enough, this one's only warning is that it's made in a factory that produces peanuts.

He shakes his head, not knowing whether he should be embarrassed or amused. Probably a little more embarrassed.

After he pays, he texts Lottie to tell her what happened then heads home to tell Zayn.

Zayn, who has been texting Liam back and forth for the past week and few days and blushing like a little school girl about everything to do with Liam.

It's endearing whilst simultaneously sickening. All he talks about these days is Liam. On the plus side, he knows that he'll get to see Liam a little more now too.

He finds out when he gets home that they're going out on a date in a few days to some fancy new restaurant that opened down the street from them.

"It's not really a date," Zayn insists.

"Why?" Harry frowns, "you like him and he likes you and you're going out together so it's a date." 

"But we never really asked each other out," he says, "we just said we'd meet for some dinner."

"Oh fucking hell, Zayn. You're an idiot," Harry huffs, "It's a date--- make sure you wear that nice expensive cologne."

And then he leaves Zayn no room to argue any further, walking out the kitchen with a cup of tea and a biscuit in his hand, trudging to his room.

He can't help but think about Louis again, as he always does. It was nice, not feeling entirely awkward around him because he didn't look like he wanted to sock Harry in the face.

He was nice and he actually _apologised_ to Harry. Harry wonders if it's perhaps some form of an olive branch and a big part of him desperately clings onto that hope.

*

"You should come," Lottie says, passing him a brief but momentous look before diverting her gaze back to her lunch.

Harry lets out a laugh of disbelief. "Yeah, as if he'd want me to be there."

The mere idea of Louis wanting Harry anywhere near him is laughable. Their run-in at the grocery store could be considered as somewhat of a truce but that doesn't mean he'd _want_ Harry there for his birthday party. His twenty-fifth for God's sake. Good god, he's going to be twenty-five soon.

"Look, It's not on his actual birthday, of course, so I know you can come and he wants you there."

Harry frowns. "What?"

"He's having a party a week before his birthday because people will be out of town for his actual birthday so there w---"

"No, I understand that. It's just--- _he_ wants me there?"

Lottie smiles, a touch smug. "Yes, he told me to tell you about it. Said that I should tell you to come if you can."

"Louis said that?" He asks again, still not convinced.

"Yeah. I may have scolded him a little bit," Lottie says, as if she's proud, "gave him an earful."

"Lottie," Harry shakes his head, letting out a sigh.

"Look, he already told me that he ran into you and already apologised by the time I was done scolding him. I was surprised but I don't regret scolding him either."

"He did apologise and it's--- it's more than I expected or deserve, really."

"Don't even say that. God, you're almost as stupid as him sometimes, I swear," she huffs in frustration.

" _Hey_ ," Harry drawls out in a whine, offended.

"You are. God, I swear so much can be just _fixed_ if you two just sat down and spoke about things."

"Lottie, what are you trying to accomplish, exactly?"

Harry places his spoon down. "You know we didn't work out for a reason, right?"

"I know," she mumbles, looking down at her food, "I'm not saying you two should kiss and make up, of course not. I'm just saying that you guys never spoke about things properly. I feel like if you did, it would help a lot. That's all."

Harry purses his lips. He picks up his spoon again with a good bit of broth in it and sips it slowly.

"I think you should come. He's giving you a peace offering," she continues, "and you deserve it, especially after he was so rude to you about everything at that fancy event."

"Yeah, speaking of that," Harry looks up, "You knew he would be there for Liam and you knew that I was going with Zayn, didn't you?"

"Well, no. Technically, I did know about Liam and Louis but you never said you'd be there with Zayn. I just assumed you would."

Harry stares at her. "You knew that would happen and we'd all run into each other-- again--- and you didn't say anything?"

"I planned this when I first found out about it," she explains, cheeks red, "I didn't think the first time you'd meet would be at my party--- I thought it would be at this bloody event."

"Wh---" Harry cuts himself off, trying to comprehend everything. "Wait, you've been planning this?"

"Yeah," she says, as if it should be obvious, "You two needed to meet and talk again so of course I planned _something_."

Harry blinks at her. " _Why_?"

"Because you two need to talk and that's all I'm saying," she says, "now will you come to the party? He invited you to it himself."

Harry feels his cheeks heat up. He doesn't want to think about why. "Yeah, okay," he agrees, knowing he'd regret it if he said no, "I won't stay for too long or anything; I won't even know anyone there besides you."

"And Liam," she grins, eyes crinkling, so much like her brother's, "speaking of Liam--- uh, he's seeing Zayn now?"

Harry laughs, a little less tense. "Yeah, it's very new and they've gone out once but I think Zayn really, really likes him."

"God, I did not see that coming," Lottie juts out her bottom lip, "they'd be cute together though." 

"They _are_ ," he amends, "I'm guessing he won't be invited for your brothers party though."

Lottie sends him an apologetic look. "Sorry, I don't think so. I mean, I don't think he hates Zayn or anything--- I tell him a lot about how great Zayn is--- but it's just a bit... you know..."

"Yeah, I know," Harry nods, "it's fine."

"You'll come though? I can tell him that?"

"Uh, Yeah," Harry agrees, "would have been nice if he invited me himself, just so that it's more... believable."

Lottie picks up a crouton and throws it at him, making a face. Harry giggles. He would have liked it if he got the invite from Louis directly but for some stupid reason, Harry is taking Lottie's word on this and going to the bloody birthday party.

*

The problem with going to an ex's birthday party, aside from actually going, is getting them a birthday present. It's so silly, he should know what yo get. But that's just it. He knows Louis--- or, well, he thinks he does.

He could easily pick up a pint of mint chip ice cream and a box of brownies, knowing that that would be the ideal gift for Louis' birthday. He didn't like material things much; always said that it's the little things that matter to him.

He's not sure how much of that has changed though. Louis could have started to develop a taste for the material things, now that he's earning some more money. His favourite flavour of ice cream could have changed too. He could like coffee instead of mint chip or maybe even peanut butter.

God, Harry hopes he doesn't like peanut butter ice cream now.

On the other hand, if Harry gets him something generic like a watch, it feels too impersonal. He probably _should_ be getting something generic but he can't find himself doing that still.

It's just fucking awkward, is the conclusion. His mind can't not think of something sweet and meaningful to give to Louis.

God is that weird? It is weird. Harry can't help it. How are you supposed to act about an ex you still have feelings for, even four years later?

Fuck he sounds pathetic too. Great.

He can't choose a present for his ex's birthday party. Which is what causes him to have an emotional crisis in the middle of a _Harrods_ at lunch time on a Saturday.

Maybe he should just give Louis money? God, that sounds even more insulting. A gift voucher? That could work. He's still essentially giving Louis money, just in a less insulting way.

Eventually, Harry decides on gift voucher and he purchases a birthday card with a sloth on the front on a whim.

It's only when he's in the taxi, going to Lottie and Louis' place, that he realises he chose the card with a sloth on it for a reason. Sloths are Louis' favourite animal--- were his favourite animal?

Harry huffs. Even when he's trying not to let their history and his surfacing feelings get in the way of anything, it seems like, subconsciously, he did anyways.

It's too late to change it now so he leaves it, placing the card with the voucher into an envelope and hoping for the best.

Their flat is in a somewhat fancy building. Meaning the outside doesn't look like it came out of 1950 and is in desperate need of a clean.

They're on the third floor. The same floor number that Harry's new place will be on too, he thinks distractedly.

Clutching the envelope tightly in his already sweaty palms, he raises his free hand to knock on the white painted wooden door. He stares at the bits of cream wood that peak through the paint while he waits.

Lottie is the one who answers the door, thankfully. She looks gorgeous in a black dress and hair tied into a ponytail. Harry hugs her, greeting her and taking a quick peak into the flat.

It's a fairly decent sized one from what he can see so far and the decor looks similar to that in Zayn's office. He kind of likes it so far.

There's also a good few unfamiliar faces scattered all over the flat. He gulps.

"Glad you came," Lottie says, pulling away, "let's get you a drink, yeah?"

Harry nods. He needs a drink. Always needs one.

A few people look at him as they walk to the kitchen, passing the spacious living room with pure white couches and a pink fur rug.

The kitchen looks just as gorgeous, with white and rose gold theme. Honestly, Harry is surprised that this is Louis' place. Not that he has bad taste or anything, quite the contrary. He has great taste and is very fussy.

He just didn't expect this. Harry doesn't quite know how to explain it. It all seems so extravagant from what Harry's seen and Louis, while his personality might make you think otherwise, isn't.

"Vodka or gin?" She asks, going behind the island and grabbing two bottles from the cupboards underneath.

"Vodka. Soda water or juice is fine with it."

She nods and prepares his drink in an oddly shaped glass. He taps his fingers on the surface of the island.

"I didn't know what to wear. I hope this is okay," Harry says, looking down at his jersey and lace-collared shirt with blue trousers.

"You look smart as always," she waves him off.

"Thank you," he grins, "you do too by the way."

"Thanks," she grins back, glancing down at her own attire proudly.

"Um, where's Louis and Liam?" He asks, realising he's only seen four other people besides Lottie around the flat but not one of them has been Louis or Liam for that matter.

Lottie's ears turn red. "Um, about that..."

Harry's blood runs cold. He feels the colour drain from his face. "Lottie, what is it?"

"Here," she hands him his drink, a nervous look on her face, "he doesn't really know about any of this."

"Lottie," he gasps, a lump forming in his throat, "what the hell do you mean?"

"It means that this is actually a surprise party of sorts and Liam is out with Louis right now, keeping him distracted but they should be here any minute so you can't leave."

Harry feels annoyance well up in his chest. "You lied," he says incredulously, "why would you do that? He's not going to want me here and I'm going to ruin this whole thing."

"He _does_ want you here," Lottie insists, tone desperate.

"No he doesn't," Harry snaps, dropping his head into his hands, "fuck, I should leave."

"Don't go," Lottie says, hastily walking to him, "he doesn't want to say anything out loud but I can tell that he liked seeing you again, okay? I know my brother."

"Lottie, he hates my guts," he laughs, the sound hollow, "he doesn't want to see me. If he did, he wouldn't have stomped all over my offer of being friends."

"He does. Come on, trust me on this. I know it seems like he doesn't but that's because he's a confused, emotionally unstable dick right now."

Her eyes shine blue, reminding Harry of when she was younger and tried to persuade her mother into having more sweets or desserts after dinner.

"He's gonna hate me even more," Harry murmurs, abandoning his drink on the marble island counter.

"He doesn't hate you. Not at all," she says softly, "he was hurt and so were you which is why you're both acting out."

Harry opens his mouth to protest but they're interrupted by a man with blonde hair and a creased shirt bursting through the kitchen doors.

"They're coming!" He exclaims, beckoning Lottie and Harry out of the kitchen.

Harry's heart drops to his arse. Fuck.

"Come on, let's hide. Too late to leave now," she shrugs.

Harry thinks she's way too happy about tricking him into this. He is definitely not happy. He has a feeling Louis won't be either. It doesn't matter that he apologised for everything that happened at the opening, it doesn't change the fact that he still doesn't want to be friends or anything remotely similar with Harry.

Harry begrudgingly follows her back into the living room, hiding behind the large white sofa next to two other people whom he greets with a smile.

The sound of a key jiggling into the lock is heard. Then the door is clicked opened. He's a bit delayed in jumping up and yelling out a surprise. Mostly because he really doesn't want to see the way Louis' face will inevitably fall upon seeing Harry.

Louis, on the bright side, seems surprised, a hand over his heart and smile on his face as he scans the room.

He doesn't seem to notice Harry at first, turning to Liam and asking if he'd planned all of this.

"Lottie and I did," Liam answers, looking in Lottie's direction, which happens to be Harry's too. Liam doesn't seem surprised to see him there, which makes Harry think that maybe he had some involvement in getting him here like Lottie.

Louis, on the other hand, does seem shocked to see Harry standing next to Lottie. His smile, like Harry predicted, does fall off his face. He doesn't look disappointed or angry, really, but he doesn't seem happy about Harry being here either.

Louis shakes his head, looking away from Harry and to Lottie instead, walking up to her and engulfing her into a hug.

"You know it's not even my birthday yet," he chuckles.

"Doesn't matter," she pulls away, "I know all of us aren't going to be here for your birthday so I just thought," she shrugs, "why not do something for you before?"

"Thanks, love," Louis smiles at her, "I should greet everyone."

Then he heads to the other side of the room, ignoring Harry. Harry huffs. He knew he shouldn't be here.

"Glad you came, Harry," Liam says, embracing him.

Harry hugs back, letting out a surprised laugh. "I was tricked into coming, actually," he informs Liam once they pull away.

Liam raises an eyebrow, looking between Lottie and him.

"She said Louis wanted me here. Failed to mention that he didn't and this was a surprise party," he says, passing her a glare.

Liam snorts. "Well, I'm not surprised. He does want you here though. Feels horrible about the other night."

"He's already apologised," Harry shrugs, cheeks burning.

"Yeah, but he still does. He'll talk to you, don't worry. Just--- stay here and don't go yet, okay? I promise he's happy to see you here, even if he won't say it out loud."

Harry is still dubious. He nods anyways.

"I should go say hi to everyone too," Liam says, "You should introduce Harry to everyone," he tells Lottie.

She nods and then hes off.

"Come on," she grins at him.

Harry follows her again, meeting all the new people in Louis' life with a smile on his face. He can't help but feel like a bit of an outsider. A lot, actually. He kind of is.

There's so much about Louis he doesn't know anymore. Like, apparently he has a new friend named Jane who he's taken home to meet his family last year because her car broke down near their home. So she ended up staying one night. She goes on about Jay as if she's known her for years. The story unsettles him for some reason.

There's Marsha and Carrie who are married and have a kid. Louis is apparently this kid's godfather. It's insane to hear that he's gotten so close to someone that he got to be their child's godfather.

There's also Mike who's been working with Louis from the time he's started in London. He says Louis makes everyone at their firm laugh, brightening their days whenever they'd feel gloomy or upset about something.

It makes Harry smile discreetly. He's always been that person to everyone. Harry misses it.

God this is making him so _sad_. He really shouldn't have come.

"I'm gonna get another drink," he tells Lottie.

"You'll be fine on your own?" She asks, turning away from her conversation with Mike.

"Yeah, I saw that most of the things are out anyways."

"Okay, well, if you need anything then let me know."

Harry excuses himself from Mike as well before going back into the kitchen. He examines the art on the walls on the way there. It's very minimal and it seems... detached. They're like stock photos of random things, a German Shepard dog that Harry is sure he hasn't seen, a nightingale on a branch--- it's odd, is all.

Jay's house was full of pictures of the whole family. There wasn't a wall in the house that didn't have a picture of them.

Harry walks into the empty kitchen, getting rid of his wandering thoughts. It's dangerous when they go too far. So far ahead he can't catch them back anymore and he spirals.

He places his glass down and searches for the bottle of gin, finding it near the stove. The soda water, however, is harder to find. He furrows his brows, searching the last place he saw Lottie put it then underneath the island again, on the shelves and in the cupboards there.

"Try the fridge,"

Harry jumps, knocking his head on the island top in the process. He let out a squeal of sorts, holding the middle of his head. He cannot cry right now, no matter how excruciating the pain is. Hitting your head on marble will do that, wouldn't it?

"Shit, are you okay?" Louis asks, stepping up to him carefully.

Harry tries to answer but it comes out as a whimper. "Fine," he eventually says, running his fingers over his head, making sure there's no blood. Sue him; he's paranoid.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he apologises. Harry notices that his shirt is different from when he'd come in earlier. It's a navy blue long-sleeved one now. He looks good in blues. Not that that matters right now.

"It's okay," Harry mutters, feeling a small bump form on his scalp.

"Uh, you were looking for soda water or juice, yeah?" Louis asks, going to the fridge.

"Soda water," Harry nods.

Louis pulls out the bottle from the fridge and hands it to Harry. "You not having vodka cranberry anymore?"

Harry is taken aback. He remembers that. He shakes his head. "I do but I changed it up. Have a little bit of everything now."

"Right," Louis nods then tilts his chin up towards Harry's head in a short movement, "is your head fine?"

"Uh, a little bump but I'll survive," he says honestly, pouring the soda water into his cup, "You want anything?"

It's funny that he's asking if Louis wants anything in his own house.

"I'm okay," Louis shakes his head, "I got something," he holds up a plastic cup.

"Rum and coke?" Harry asks, bringing his drink up to his mouth.

"No, actually," Louis chuckles lowly, "I'm having wine."

"Wine?" Harry raises his eyebrows. It oddly hurts his scalp. "No more rum and coke?"

"Nah, not much anymore. Grew to like red wine now," he says, walking closer to harry. "So, uh, you're here, huh?"

Harry swallows uneasily. "Yeah, I'm sorry--- your sister--- she said that you wanted me to come and she didn't tell me that it's actually a surprise party and you had no idea--- Gosh, happy almost birthday by the way."

Louis chuckles, the smile on his face reaching his eyes. "Thanks," he says, "and it's okay, I was just surprised to see you here, that's all."

"Oh. I mean, I said I could leave if it, like, makes you uncomfortable?"

Louis stares at him for a moment before shaking his head. "No, it's fine."

"Okay," Harry replies, taking another sip of his drink.

"Your boyfriend isn't here," Harry cant help but comment about it. He forgets that he isn't technically supposed to know about them dating or going out--- whatever they're calling it. If it weren't for Lottie, he wouldn't. 

Luckily, Louis doesn't say anything about that. 

Louis looks down at his drink before taking a sip too. "He left to be with his family for the holidays," he answers.

Harry's heart clenches. So they are boyfriends. That's--- fine, whatever. Not his business anyways. He shouldn't care except that he does because he still cares so much about Louis, way more than he should.

They broke up four years ago for gods sake. He needs to get a grip.

"Oh," Harry nods shortly, "um, did you at least get a birthday present before he left?" Harry asks with a laugh.

Louis nods. "Yeah," is all he says.

Harry purses his lips and looks away. It's still awkward and Louis giving him vague replies about this isn't helping. He's always been a great conversationalist. They never ran out of things to say to each other and now look at them.

"Um, maybe I _should_ go," Harry suggests, placing his cup down, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Louis finally looks up at him properly. He sighs. "No, don't," he says, surprising Harry, "really, I just--- it's just a little weird talking to you after so long, especially about that."

That's fair. It is. Harry can't help but feel unwanted though. He's in a room full of strangers (besides Lottie) and Louis is one of them now.

"It is," Harry agrees, "we can talk about something else then?"

Honestly, Harry probably shouldn't have even brought up the Jake guy in the first place. It really came out of nowhere. They were having a decent, albeit awkward, conversation before that and Harry went and made it even more awkward.

"Do you want something for your head?" Louis asks, eyebrows pinched together, glancing at his head again.

Harry touches the small bump. "Anything for pain? It's, like, throbbing."

Louis snorts, shaking his head. "Uh, yeah," he places his cup down and heads to the cupboard above the sink, standing on his toes to search for what he needs.

Harry takes another sip of his drink in the mean time before Louis gives him two green and red pills.

"Thanks," Harry mumbles out, placing them in his mouth and swallowing them dry before drinking some of his beverage.

Louis grimaces. "Still don't understand how you dry-swallow."

Harry shrugs. "It's easier for me."

"Right," Louis mutters, grabbing his cup again, "Uh, I guess I should say thanks for coming today then."

"Only if you want to," Harry says, attempting at a small smile.

Surprisingly, Louis smiles back. "I'm grateful for everyone coming here today, especially being so close to the holidays."

"Well, like Lottie said, everyone will be busy for your actual birthday and it's a few days before anyways, no big deal for most people, I think."

"Yeah, I mean she's even going to visit mum and them so I really will be away from everyone for my birthday."

"Wait, what?"

Louis looks at him. "I have to work, unfortunately. It's a big project so I can't go back home this year."

"Oh, that's--- I'm sorry to hear that," he says honestly.

Louis has always been a big family man and he enjoys spending time with them. Not going home for his birthday and Christmas must really be taking a toll on him.

"I know, it sucks. It'll be microwave dinner for me for my birthday and Christmas," Louis raises his cup up as if to toast it.

"You could come over for a Christmas lunch at mine, if you'd like," Harry blurts out. Fucking alcohol, honestly. He hates what it does to him.

"Sorry, I don't know why I said that. Just--- Yeah, forget I said anything," he backtracks, feeling his cheeks flush.

"No, it's all right. I," he takes a breath, "I was thinking about what you said at Liam's thing and, Uh, maybe we could try it out? Us being friends or something to that manner at least."

Harry is really shocked. He did not expect that at all.

"Uh, I mean, you know, for Lottie's sake," Louis adds, "I know that it means a lot to her and that you and I do both want what's best for her." .

Harry feels a bit of disappointment settle in his chest. He shouldn't but he does. "Right, yeah," he nods once, "Well, does a Christmas lunch sound too much then?"

Louis tilts his head, humming in thought for a moment before shaking his head. "I think it's fine. Wait--- why are you here for the holidays?"

Harry sighs. Right. Louis doesn't know about how sour his relationship is with his mum right now. Has been for the past few years.

"It's a long story," he answers, "we don't have to talk about it now, honestly, you should go back to everyone out there, you know? Before they start looking for you."

Louis purses his lips but nods anyways. "I should, Yeah. Uh, thanks for coming again. Help yourself to whatever and I'm sorry about, you know," he touches his head.

"It's fine," Harry copies his actions, giving him a small smile, "thanks for having me here, I guess."

"Right, yeah," Louis takes a few steps backwards, "I'll see you out there then."

Harry nods and then Louis is turning around, trudging out the kitchen. Harry lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. He sighs and downs the rest of his drink, placing his cup down once he's done.

He needs a moment. He'll pour himself another drink then head out and mingle as best as he can with everyone. He does feel a little lighter about the fact that Louis accepted his offer for being friends --- or attempting at it, at least. But a part of him feels disappointed that the only reason Louis is willing to try is because of Lottie, not because he actually wants to. 

Harry will take what he can get though. He even thought about doing it for her sake at first too so it's a start and he isn't going to complain.

As he pours himself another drink, Lottie comes into the kitchen again.

She stops next to him. "Hi," she says.

"Hey," he smiles, "I was just getting myself another drink."

"Thought that's what you'd come here to do in the first place?"

"Finished that one," Harry says.

"Oh, jeez. Slow down, would you?"

"Sorry," Harry chuckles, "this will probably be my last one though."

"Good," she smiles.

There's silence before she breaks it.

"Louis said he talked to you..." she prompts.

"Yeah," Harry mumbles, closing the gin with the cap.

"And?" She asks, eyebrows raised and a hopeful look in her eyes.

He smiles, hoping its believable enough. "We're okay, I think. Invited him over for a Christmas lunch, actually."

"What, really?" Lottie asks with a small gasp, "and he said yes?"

"He did, surprisingly," Harry says, " it's gonna be awkward as hell."

"I'm sure it'll be okay. You guys spoke now and it wasn't too bad, right?"

Harry nods.

"Yeah, it'll be fine then and---- Wait, why are you here for Christmas?"

"Long story," he repeats, "I'll tell you eventually but it's just--- yeah, it's a long story."

She searches his eyes for a moment before nodding. "Okay, is it your mum?" she asks

He nods.

She smiles sadly, "let's go back out now, yeah?"

Harry nods again and follows her out the kitchen. He spots Louis talking to Liam and Mike in the corner of the living room.

Louis' eyes catch his and he offers Harry a brief, small and slightly awkward smile. Harry returns the gesture.

It's somewhat of a start.

*

The rest of Louis' birthday was okay. They didn't actively avoid each other, actually did speak to each other, even it was small talk. They were mostly with other people when they talked to each other, which Harry thinks is why it was kind of easier.

They didn't have a cake because Lottie believed that blowing out your candles before your actual birthday was bad luck, so they just had a variety of desserts instead. Tarts and pies and cupcakes; you name it and it was there.

Zayn was surprised at Louis' offer of them being friends --- or something to that sorts--- even if Harry wasn't entirely happy that it was only for Lottie's sake. He needs to get over that.

"It's still something," Zayn shrugged at him, "he could just be using it as an excuse."

"Yeah, okay," Harry scoffed.

"Hey, at least he isn't being an arse," Zayn said.

Harry had to agree with that. He didn't like that side of Louis, however brief it may have been.

Zayn leaves to be with his family on the twentieth, and according to him, Liam left as well to be with own family.

So it left Harry alone, with just a few bottles of wine and Netflix. Lottie suggests that he goes over for Louis' birthday too but Harry quickly shuts down the idea. He doesn't want to push anything. Maybe Louis wants to be alone on his birthday.

Harry pouts. No one wants to be alone on their birthday. Harry never liked it, the one year he went travelling, all he wanted to do was be with Louis.

How times have changed.

He tells Lottie eventually that he'll consider it. He won't have to make a big deal out of it. But he doesn't know how he'd go about doing it.

Harry doesn't worry about it for the time being.

On the twenty-third, Harry finds himself at a shopping centre, trying to figure out what to make for Christmas. He just wants to be extra prepared for when he has to _actually_ prepare everything. 

Unconsciously, Harry picks out all of the things that he remembers to be Louis' favourites. He's always liked Harry's duck with a cherry sauce. Harry also picks out a few things for himself to have.

When he's at him and placing all the items into the fridge and pantry, his phone dings on the counter.

It's Lottie sending him hers and Louis' address with a wink face at the end. Harry huffs, placing his phone down and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

It's crazy. He's already taken a risk and invited Louis--- who he hasn't seen in years--- over for Christmas, so how can he just pitch up at Louis' for his birthday?

Like when everything else in his life turns upside down, Harry turns to Zayn. He texts him to ask if he's free to talk and when Zayn gives him the okay, he presses the call button.

"You're sad," is how Zayn greets him.

Harry makes an indignant noise. "I'm not."

"You're over thinking," Zayn tries again.

Harry pouts. "Yeah," he confesses.

Zayn sighs. "You don't want to do the Christmas thing anymore?"

"No, um, that's fine. Just--- Lottie said I should go over tomorrow..."

"Oh, uh, I thought she was gone back home?"

"No, to see Louis for his birthday," Harry explains, "so he won't be alone."

"Okay, and?"

"Zayn," he huffs, "I can't just go and see him, uninvited. We've only just agreed to be friends, how am I supposed to do something so risky?"

"Sometimes you just have to take that risk, you know? If it's too soon or weird for something like that, then I guess you'll find out when you go there tomorrow."

"How are you so sure I'll go there tomorrow?"

"I know you. You're already wondering whether or not you should just take a cake over or bring something else with it."

Harry hates how smug he sounds about it. "Cupcakes," he corrects, "it's crazy though, isn't it?"

"Your cupcakes? Yeah, crazy as fuck."

Harry giggles. "Shut up. I'm having a crisis here."

"You always are," Zayn snorts.

"Zayn," he whines, "should I do this? It's crazy and it's weird---- it's too fast."

"Time is subjective."

Harry rolls his eyes. "Are you high?"

"No, but I'm right. What you think is too quick for something might be too slow for someone else."

"Like you and Liam not even kissing yet?" Harry smirks.

"Don't start, Harry," Zayn groans, "I told you we want to take it slow."

"I think it's cute," Harry grins, "have you spoken to him yet?"

"Yeah everyday, actually," he says with a small laugh. Harry is willing to bet that he's blushing.

"That's great, Z. You guys are really cute."

"Thank you, I, Yeah, I really like him," Zayn says softly, "do you think that's crazy?"

"No," Harry answers instantly. He knows what it's like to be immediately attracted to someone. He felt that with Louis, even if they were young and clueless back then.

"Exactly," Zayn says, "there's no, like set time for things to happen. You guys were friends before you dated and you told me that you two got along, like instantly, so why can't that happen again?"

Harry bites his lip. He's right.

"There's a history between us now though," Harry argues.

"That you want to put past you guys, right?"

Harry sighs. "Yeah," he mumbles, "fine, I can see your point."

"Good. Tell him happy birthday from me tomorrow, okay?"

"I will," Harry laughs softly. Harry isn't sure how Louis feels about Zayn but that should be an interesting way to find out. If he does actually tell him.

A day later Harry finds himself outside of Louis' flat with a container of red velvet cupcakes in his hands.

"God, what are you doing?" he groans to himself, sighing in frustration. This is a stupid idea. He shouldn't have come. He doesn't even know if Louis is home.

"You can still get away," he tells himself, biting his bottom lip, staring at the white wooden front door, "he doesn't have to know about any of this."

Then he sighs, turning away from the door and running a hand over his face. "He doesn't have to know how stupid you're being," Harry talks to himself again, looking at the purple container in his hand.

"Harry?"

Shit, fucking shit.

Harry turns around slowly, his cheeks flushed. "uh, hello," he greets Louis.

Louis is dressed in joggers and a pull-over, hair ruffled like he was laying down perhaps.

"What are you doing here?" Louis asks, not unkindly.

God, Harry wishes he could give Louis a proper answer. He doesn't even know himself.

"Um, I knew you'd be alone for your birthday so I thought I'd come and, um, give you something," he says, partially honest. Abruptly, he pushes out the container towards Louis.

Louis looks down at the container and takes it. "Uh, thanks?"

"You're welcome," Harry says, an awkward atmosphere settling between them.

Harry averts his gaze down to the old tiles in the corridor, spotting a good few cracks at his feet. For an above-average looking building, you'd think the floors would be in better shape.

"Well, uh, do you want to maybe come in?" Louis asks, a glint in his eyes when Harry meets his gaze.

Harry sucks in a breath. He swallows. "Um, I mean you don't have to. I knew you'd be alone for your birthday so I thought I'd come and bring you something."

"Well, thank you for that," he says,"you should come in though; I just put the kettle on for some tea if you like any?"

Harry should really go. This is going to be so weird. He basically just pitched up at Louis' place, unannounced. Who does that? Especially being an ex.

Despite himself, he finds that he's nodding in agreement and the words spew out of his mouth. "Yeah, okay," he says.

Louis gives him a small smile before stepping aside to let Harry in.

The flat is warm inside once he enters. There's a strong smell of something that Harry can't quite figure out in the air. It's familiar but not to the point where he can immediately pick it out. He furrows his brows curiously. "What's that smell?" he asks. Only after he asks, does he realise that it could have come across as rude.

"What, the candle?" Louis asks, his own brows pinched together once he's standing in front of Louis.

"Uh, I guess?"

"Baby powder," he answers, then makes a tilt towards Harry's coat, "do you want to take that off?"

"Okay," he agrees, feeling warm enough. "I really like the smell," Harry says distractedly, taking off his coat.

"There's a rack behind you," Louis says once its off, "and yeah, I think so too; it's why I bought it." 

Harry sees a smile tug at Louis' lips. He turns to place his coat onto the rack. "Where did you buy it from?"

"Some fancy store in town that I've forgotten the name of," he waves a hand in the air, "I'll tell Lottie to tell you the name once she's back."

Harry nods. "Thanks."

"Tea, then?"

He nods again. Louis leads the way to the kitchen. Even though it's been about a week, Harry's almost forgotten how aesthetically appealing Louis' place looked.

"You can have a seat and, uh, help yourself to the cupcakes you made--- they're cupcakes, right?"

Harry nods. Jeez, can he do something else?

"Okay, well help yourself then," Louis smiles.

Harry bites his lip, taking a seat on one of the three stools at the island. Then he realises----

"Oh my god, happy birthday," he says, feeling embarrassed that he'd forgotten to wish Louis when that was the whole reason he'd come here in the first place.

Louis snorts, a mirthful look on his face. "I was wondering when you'd realise," he says, "thank you."

Harry feels a tug in his chest. He hasn't seen that look in years.

"Sorry," he mumbles, cheeks hot.

"It's fine. I can see you're nervous," Louis says, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard above the stove, "I suppose this is a little awkward, isn't it?"

Harry sighs. "It is," he exhales again, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise," Louis chuckles softly, placing the mugs down then putting two teabags into them.

On the contrary, Harry feels like he has a lot to apologise for. Which he stupidly voices out, saying, "I have a lot to apologise for."

Louis looks up at him, their eyes locking. He quickly looks away, his jaw twitching as he grabs the kettle.

"Sorry," Harry says again with a whimper of sorts, "um, I made red velvet. Is that still your favourite?" he asks, in desperate need to change the subject.

"Yeah," he murmurs, pouring the water into the mugs, "you remembered."

Harry doesn't think he's supposed to hear that last part, given how softly he'd said it but he did anyways. "Yeah, I did," he answers.

Louis looks at him again. "Do you still take your tea the same way?"

Harry nods, suddenly feeling fidgety as Louis hands him his black tea and a bowl of sugar.

His hands shake as he places a teaspoon of sugar into his mug. Louis looks down at his hand but doesn't say anything.

"So, cupcake? Might as well share it. I don't think Id be able to finish it all on my own," he laughs quietly.

"We both know that's not true," Harry laughs then catches himself again, "fuck, sorry."

"It's fine, Harry," he sighs, "we're probably bound to run into those things if we're gonna attempt at this whole 'being friends' thing, yeah?"

"Yeah, still awkward though and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."

"Well, I appreciate the concern but it's fine. We have to move past that, don't you think? It's been years after all."

Harry gulps, taking a tentative sip of his still steaming tea. It burns the tip of his tongue and back of his throat but he thinks he needs that right now.

"Yeah," he says, placing his tea back down, "I just--- it's a bit weird because I don't know where I'd start and what to say and I don't---"

He pauses. I don't want to hurt you again, is what he wants to say.

"I don't want it to be, um, weird and stuff," is what he says instead.

"I know," Louis leans against the counter opposite Harry, mug in his hand, "so are we going to have any of those cupcakes or?"

Harry lets out a small laugh, grabbing the container and popping the lid opened. He takes one out for himself, briefly admiring his icing skills before pushing the container towards Louis.

Louis reaches forward and takes one of his own. He bites into the whole thing immediately and hums in approval. "Still got it, Styles," he says over his mouthful of cake.

Harry grins, unable to help himself. He's always loved validation, especially from Louis.

"Thanks," Harry says, taking a bite of his own. Louis is right, he thinks proudly.

"So," Louis starts, licking his lips.

Harry looks away, eyes finding the oddly coloured mug instead.

"So?" he prompts.

"Didn't expect to see you here tonight," he says, eyes curious when he meets Harry's.

"Sorry," he says for what feels like the umpteenth time since he's gotten here, "just--- I remembered that you're alone and it's your birthday so I thought why not? I'm sorry, I know that just because we agreed to try out this whole friends thing doesn't mean I can just stop by whenever I want or, like, you know, force my way back into your life."

"Okay, firstly, you have to stop aplogising for everything," he says, again, not unkindly, "and second, I know it doesn't but I'm glad you came over anyways. I was just about to make myself a cake in a mug."

Harry chuckles. "Well, that isn't too bad."

"Sticking a candle in it and blowing it out to make a wish is," he smirks, drinking some more of his tea.

Harry chuckles again. "Well, you can stick a candle in one of the cupcakes, if you'd like."

"I would but I don't have any candles," Louis snorts.

Harry does the same, shaking his head. He's not surprised. Thankfully, he doesn't blurt that out. He can't come in here and claim that he stills knows everything about Louis. He doesn't want to be presumptuous, even if he is right sometimes, like now.

"But you have the baby powder scented one?"

"That's, like, in a jar," Louis scoffs, " I don't think it'll fit on a cake, let alone a cupcake."

"But you have to blow out a candle. It's your birthday."

"I'll blow out my lighter then," he says, pulling a white lighter out of his pocket and flicking it on. He blows out a puff of air onto the flame, making it vanish, "there."

"It's not a candle," Harry says flatly. But he's still unsure of how much of playfulness he can ease into a conversation yet, so he adds, "it'll do though, I guess."

Louis gives him a smile, putting the lighter back into his pocket. Then they fall into another awkward silence. It's not as bad as before but it's still there and still palpable.

Harry drinks more of his tea and takes a piece of the cupcake.

"So is this— the cupcakes, I mean— are they some sort of peace offering?"

Harry shrugs. "If you see it that way then I'd like it be, yeah. It's... an apology too— at least the start of one..." he trails off, watching Louis' reaction carefully, "if you allow it."

"If I allow it?" Louis asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, just, you know, if you think that it's okay. I know this is... weird and honestly, I should be the one apologizing. I do, um, owe you a lot of apologies. So, if you allow me to, I'd like to start?"

He's not sure where that all came from. Well, it's always been there; the need to apologize for everything he'd done to Louis. Honestly, he's surprised that he hasn't blurted out a million by now.

"First day into this whole being friends thing, alright," he mumbles, shifting, "I did not expect this."

"I know and you probably don't want to hear any of my pathetic apologies on your birthday so I guess the cupcakes were disguised as one?" He tries.

Louis shakes his head, a hint of a smile on his face but it disappears as quickly as it comes. "Um, do you need me to bring anything tomorrow?"

Harry pushes down the urge to sigh in disappointment. He probably deserves that. He doesn't expect Louis to just kiss and make up with him again—or hug and make up? They probably could do with a change of subject. "Honestly, I've prepared for everything already but if you want to bring something, then feel free to."

"I'll bring something," he declares, "mum taught me to never go to someone else's home empty-handed."

"Well, it's technically not my home," Harry laughs nervously. 

Harry--- he hasn't thought about the fact that he's technically inviting Louis into Zayn's home. Zayn, whom, last Harry checked, Louis despised. 

"What do you mean?" Louis asks, raising a brow at him. 

"Um, I live with Zayn," he confesses with a wince, "but I'm moving out next month 'cause I can finally afford my own place."

Louis' face contorts into something Harry can't quite figure out. "Oh," Louis says, "I didn't know. Does he not, like, mind?"

Harry didn't expect that question. To be honest, he doesn't know if he expected anything in the first place. 

"Uh, no, not at all," Harry assures him.

"Okay," Louis hums, "'s a bit weird though isn't it?"

"Maybe," Harry says, hoping he isn't showing how weird he actually feels right now, "but I don't really have a place of my own right now so..."

"Right, yeah," Louis nods, "just thought that you would given how famous you're becoming and all."

Harry flushes, his eyes averting to the half empty cup. "Hardly," he says, "Lottie and Liam said the same thing."

"Yeah, I, uh, saw you in a magazine like a few months ago. Couldn't believe it was you 'cause your hair is, you know, different."

"Different?" Then he realises. "Oh, yeah, I cut it." He reaches up to touch his hair, running his fingers through the strands briefly. He makes a mental note to wash his hair tomorrow morning. 

"Yeah, it was quite short in the pictures but I see you're growing it out again?"

"Not as long but, um, yeah gonna leave it at more or less this length," Harry says. 

"It looks nice," Louis says politely, "so, um, you're moving?"

"Yeah, I," he pauses, unsure if he should say much else about Zayn, "I've been staying with Zayn for a while, trying to get onto my own two feet so it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"I see," Louis nods, "you did end up being a model, huh?"

It's an abrupt change back to his career but Harry doesn't mind. "Uh, yeah. I ended up liking it so," he shrugs. 

"Well, that's great. You didn't know what you wanted when, you know..."

"Yeah, a lot has changed since then," Harry says quietly, "I did end up figuring out a lot."

"That's good then," he says, again his tone is polite. 

Harry can't help but feel an ache in his chest. If this was years ago, there'd be a twinkle his eyes and he'd go on about how proud he is of Harry. But it's not and like Harry said, a lot has changed. 

"Are you enjoying your job at the firm then? Lottie told me a little bit about it." Harry is just glad they aren't talking about Zayn or their past anymore. This is safe. 

"Yeah, it's great. What I've always wanted. A little challenging but I love it," he says with a smile on his face.

"I'm glad. I remember you talking about how you wanted to work for one of those fancy firms so, uh, yeah, I'm proud of you."

Just because Louis doesn't say it or feel it, doesn't mean Harry doesn't. He really is proud. Louis has worked so hard for as long as Harry has known him. If anyone deserves to be happy with their job, it's Louis. 

"Thanks," Louis says. Harry doesn't even get a chance to see the expression on his face before Louis is turning around and placing his cup in the sink, "did you have anything to eat?"

Harry shakes his head. 

"Do you want a ready-made pizza? The oven doesn't take too long to heat up."

"Um," Harry wants to suggest making something better than those frozen pizzas for Louis' birthday but he probably shouldn't make any suggestions right now. It could make things even more awkward. He could do something stupid like say that they should make lasagne with extra cheese, Louis' favourite.

"Okay," Harry agrees. 

"Great, uh, you're still vegetarian?"

Harry perks up a little. He remembers. "I am," he clears his throat, "do you have any veg pizzas? It's fine if you don't, I could just, um, have something else. Or I could, like, leave if that makes you feel better. I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come here in the first place. I don't know what I was thinking I didn't really th---"

"Harry, jesus, take a breath. I have a fucking veg pizza," Louis lets out a laugh, looking slightly alarmed.

Harry sits down on the stool again. He doesn't even remember getting up. "Sorry," he mumbles, embarrassed.

"It's fine. Just--- relax, yeah? I can give you a little tour while we wait for the oven get hot."

Harry nods shortly, feeling a tropical burn develop right to his ears. 

Louis puts the oven on and takes out two pizzas then leads the way back into the living room. He shows Harry the rest of the flat; there's two bedrooms, one being Lottie's and the other being Louis' and a bathroom. There's also a lovely balcony in Louis' room that Harry imagines himself in for a brief moment. He quickly rids himself of those thoughts. He really doesn't know where that came from. Probably from a darker part of his mind that he doesn't like to acknowledge much. 

He ends up staying for about two more hours before he decides to leave. The air between them still remained awkward throughout the night, he couldn't stand to stay there any longer and the fact made him so sad. He doesn't remember ever feeling so awkward and uncomfortable around Louis or with him. The party the other week made him think that maybe it could be somewhat tolerable but they were alone and it was just so awkward. 

Honestly, he's surprised he didn't leave any sooner. There's so much he avoided talking about or backtracked on because he didn't want to make it worse between them and somehow, it still ended that way. 

With a heavy heart, Harry unlocks the door to the flat and heads straight to the bedroom, not even bothering taking off his shoes or coat until he's inside the room. Needless to say, he has a restless sleep. 

*

On Christmas morning, Zayn phones him to wish him a happy Christmas. Harry balances the phone between his ear and shoulder, whisking cream in a bowl as Zayn goes on about seeing Liam again. 

"I asked him out on a date," Zayn tells him, "once we're back in Jan."

"That's great," Harry grins, "does he know your birthday is in January?"

"Yeah, I told him," he snorts, "then he complained about dealing with two Capricorns in his life now."

"Oh yeah, Louis," Harry realises, letting out a short laugh, "poor Liam."

"Yeah, yeah. You know I don't believe that astrology bullshit," Zayn tuts, "anyways, I suggested taking him out on a date before my birthday because he said he wants to do something special for my birthday."

Harry's grin widens. He can practically see Zayn blushing right now. "Something special, huh?"

"Shut up," Zayn grumbles.

"Are you guys gonna make love?" Harry teases.

"Harry," he groans, "shut up."

"Sorry, it's just fun seeing you like this--- hearing you like this, I guess."

"Speaking of seeing you; how was yesterday?"

The smile falls off of Harry's face instantly as disappointment settles into his chest. He lets out a sigh. "Um, not the worst?"

"Uh oh," Zayn says, "what happened?"

"It was just... so awkward," he huffs, taking a break from whisking and twisting his wrist, "it's like we just didn't know what to say to each other, you know? If we brought up stuff that relates to our past if turned all tense and its like I just didn't know what else to say."

"Hmm, yeah, I understand," he sighs, "you know, maybe you guys do need to talk about the awkward stuff otherwise it'll be, like, hanging between you guys forever and maybe that's whats causing all the tension. maybe the best way to get rid of it is by talking about it so it's, uh, gone? Well, not gone-gone but, better, in a way."

Harry ponders over his words. He may have a point. "But it'll be so suck-ish talking about all of that. I don't think he wants to. I can see that a part of him is still angry about everything."

"Well, maybe he shouldn't be. I mean, look, he has a right to be, okay? I get it. But it's, like, been years and he's clearly moving on with someone else, there's no reason why he should hold onto that stuff."

"You mean like how I am?" Harry smiles sadly. 

"H, you know that's not what I mean. It's different for you; you still have feelings for him. As far as you know, he's, um..."

"Moved on?" Harry supplies, placing the whipped cream aside and reaching for the peach cobbler, putting it into the oven. "Even if he has, it doesn't mean he can't be angry about what happened to us. I did that to us."

"Yeah and he kicked you out without a second thought. You never wanted to break up, H. He gave you an ultimatum and that's not fair. He didn't even give you a chance to explain anything. You have a lot of things to be angry about to but you aren't, are you?"

"I am, but at myself," Harry replies, leaning against the closed oven, loving the warmth against his legs, "I should have fought harder for him--- I took advantage of him--- it's just, it's my fault, okay?"

"I think both of you were idiots. Yes, maybe you were more to blame but it doesn't mean he was completely innocent either."

Harry shrugs. He doesn't think he'll ever stop blaming himself for what happened to them. 

"Look, that's what I'm saying, yeah? Maybe you guys should just talk about everything, get it out, even if you yell and cry. Sometimes you need that."

"What if I ruin it before we even get anywhere?" Harry asks quietly.

"What if you never get anywhere?" Zayn counters. "You guys left a lot unsaid and I think if you ever want to be friends with him, properly, then you guys have to address your past to, you know, move on to your future."

Harry wrinkles his nose. "You're sounding more and more like Liam."

"Shut up, don't change the subject," he warns, "you know I'm right."

"Nothing is but you need to do it and you know it. To move forward and all."

"I've barely seen him and now I have to be the person to bring up our past, our ugly breakup?"

"If you don't do it now, or soon at least, then it'll come back and bite your arse in the future. Besides, I know you, H, you probably have a lot to say."

"I do. I kept apologising yesterday and for the stupidest things, I swear. I was so fucking awkward Zayn. And I just---" Harry swallows a growing lump in his throat, "I miss us, and I know it's not fair but yesterday just made me realise how different we are now. We couldn't even have a proper conversation and years ago, we could stay up till the early hours of the morning talking about the most pointless things."

"I know it's different, jaan. But it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. You could learn each other again. That's exciting, isn't it?"

Harry shrugs, biting the inside of his cheek. 

"You know, maybe you're holding onto past him too much and this is a good thing so you can move on, maybe get over him, get some closure, yeah?"

"Maybe," Harry mumbles. But the idea of letting Louis --- his Louis --- go, terrifies him. God, this is so fucked up. "You know, you need to stop calling me jaan, because Liam will get jealous," he laughs.

"I have other things that I call him," Zayn says. Harry knows he's smirking. 

"God, okay. I don't need to know any of that," Harry grimaces, "listen, I'll call you tomorrow, yeah? Tell me how your dinner goes at your Aunt's, okay?"

"I will. Talk to him, okay?"

"Okay, fine," Harry rolls his eyes, "bye, Zayn."

Harry places his phone aside and gets back to preparing the rest of the things for lunch time, a dread filling his gut. 

Maybe Zayn is right. Okay, he knows that Zayn is definitely right. Talking about things---- communication--- it does help. And if they want to try being friends (or something to that sorts) maybe they do need to address the elephant in the room.

It's just... is Christmas day the right time to bring up old wounds? There's never really a right time for anything, if he's being honest with himself. Delaying the inevitable only makes it worse.

Also... he's seen Louis a total of three times now. Can he bring it up so suddenly? Do they have to ease into it? Can they even ease into something that seems so old but feels so fresh?

This whole idea seems so absurd. Louis is only meant to come over to a home that isn't even his for a Christmas lunch.

The thought hit him then. He didn't get anything for Louis for Christmas. He's been so caught up, stuck in his mind, that he didn't even think about getting Louis a present for Christmas.

But then the dilemma about what to get him will come again and he'll end up getting him another lousy gift voucher and generic birthday card. He can't bear getting Louis something so impersonal again.

Still, their budding.... friendship? Is still so fragile, he doesn't even know if Louis will get Harry anything either. Not that Harry wants something. Though he is curious. Louis could most possibly be in the same boat as him.

Harry spends far too long getting ready for an informal lunch, doing and undoing buttons of his shirt, running his fingers through the strands of his hair far too many times and giving himself one too many pep talks in the bathroom mirror.

When Harry is getting the last dish onto the small dining table, there's a knock on the door, making his heart leap into his throat. Harry clears his throat and exhales before heading to the door and opening it slowly.

"Hi," Louis greets him, "you didn't ask who I was."

Harry blinks. "What?"

"I could have been a stranger you opened the door for," Louis says, his mood seeming lighter than yesterday.

Harry let's out a breath. "Oh," he says, "well, um, I didn't think anybody else would come here for Christmas. Merry Christmas, by the way."

"Right, Merry Christmas, Harry," Louis says, a sparkle in his eyes, "um, I brought something," he says, holding up the same container Harry had brought to his place yesterday.

God, that was yesterday. It feels like ages ago.

"You didn't have to," Harry mumbles, taking the container from him anyways.

"It's store bought fruitcake, nothing spectacular," Louis shrugs nonchalantly.

It's one of Harry's favourites but he doesn't dwell on that thought.

"So, uh, can I come in?" Louis asks, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets.

"Shit, Yeah, sorry," Harry steps aside, opening up the door and letting him in.

Louis looks particularly dapper today, even if it is just in black tracksuit pants and a jumper under his coat.

"You can hang that on the rack; behind the door," Harry informs him as he pulls off his coat.

"Thanks," Louis mumbles, "really nice place you got here," he says, scanning the living room and part of the kitchen that peers through the archway.

"Thanks. It's not mine though," Harry says, "um, let me put this down and I'll give you a quick tour, return the favour, yeah?"

Louis gives him a small smile, nodding. Harry walks to the kitchen and places the container of fruitcake on the table, alongside the duck, before joining Louis again.

He shows Louis the living room, his bedroom and the two bathrooms and only a glimpse of Zayn's bedroom, feeling a little like he would be invading Zayn's privacy if he showed him too much.

"It's a great place Zayn has then," Louis comments as Harry shows him the kitchen and dining room last.

"Yeah, he, um, has good taste, I guess," Harry shrugs.

"No wonder why he and Lottie get along so well," Louis mutters, "God, did you make all of this?"

He's examining the various dishes on the table, from the duck to the salad and mash sides.

"Yeah, you know me; go big or go home." 

Louis looks up at him, lips twisting into a smile that seems a little tight. "Well, it looks amazing. You didn't have to make any, like, meat or anything. I, uh, I know you don't eat it any more so..."

"No, it's okay. I really didn't mind. Besides, I remember you liking duck So," he shrugs again, "hopefully you still do."

"I do, Yeah. Thank you. Now I feel bad for not bringing more," he chuckles.

"It's fine. There's plenty here anyways," Harry waves his hand, dismissing the idea, "do you want to take a seat? I'll just get some wine. Red, yes?"

Louis nods, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. "Do you need any help?" He asks, watching Harry walk to the kitchen.

"Getting wine?" Harry asks, tone playful, "I think I'll manage."

Louis smiles again, a little tight like before and looks away, studying his surroundings again.

Once the wine is poured and they're both seated, the awkwardness starts to settle again, tense and thick and undeniable.

Harry chooses that moment to suggest eating. Louis happily agrees. Everything is okay while they focus on food until they both reach for the mash at the same time, their hands touching.

Harry immediately pulls away, feeling a spark light from his fingers to his toes, even if their touch was brief. He pulled back as if he'd been burnt, but luckily Louis steadied his grip and prevented the bowl from falling down.

"Are you okay?" Louis asks, eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, uh, sorry. You can dish out first," Harry says, glancing down at his plate again, pushing around the carrots on the ceramic while Louis uses the bowl of mash.

"So, um, you didn't tell me why you're not with your family for the holidays," Louis says after a moment of silence.

Harry dishes out the potatoes onto his plate. He swallows, giving Louis a one-shouldered meander shrug. "They're busy," he answers, voice low.

"That's... a shame," Louis replies, though his tone is suspicious, as if he's searching for more from Harry. He can probably tell that Harry is lying but Harry doesn't want to tell him the truth anyways.

Before, Louis would be the first person he'd go to whenever he had anything on his mind. Maybe, in a way, he still is. But Harry isn't willing to let Louis know that Harry will spill anything if Louis had to just ask, to this day. That's a dangerous thing for him to know.

"Yeah," Harry clears his throat, "your family must be missing you now."

"Yeah, they do," Louis smiles down at his food, "we spoke this morning already. I really miss all of them. Maybe I'll see them in a month or so. I'll take a day or two off."

"That sounds great. I'm sure they'll love that. You should bring Daisy some of my brownies. Let me know when you go," Harry inhales sharply, realising that he probably shouldn't have said that, inserting himself back into Louis' life like that. "God, I'm sorry--- I didn't--- I'm sorry," he sighs.

"It's fine," Louis mumbles, but Harry can feel that the mood has gotten a bit sullen.

"Louis," Harry places his fork down, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah?" Louis asks, one eyebrow arched, eyes on Harry.

"I think I want to apologise," he says quickly. Again. It's all he can do nowadays anyways. There's thousands of apologies sitting on his chest and if they need to talk about things to move forward, maybe they _should_ start with this.

"You already have," Louis frowns.

"No, for everything, I mean. Like, what I did," Harry explains, "I owe you so many apologies and I know you don't want to talk about it but I think I need to do this. You deserve it. Especially if we want to... um, try and be friends."

"Harry," he starts with a sigh, "listen, there's no need for any of that. I told you, I'm doing this for Lottie and now there's Liam, I just don't want it to be awkward between us. We don't need to go into any of that."

Harry feels his heart ache. "Well if you don't want it to be awkward then I think I need to do this," he says anyways, pushing away his hurt momentarily.

Louis let's out another sigh, placing his own fork down and leaning back against the chair. "Harry, we could just be civil, you know? We don't have to be the _best_ of friends or anything. There's really no need for any of this."

"Then why are you here?" Harry asks, confused. "If we just need to be civil, all we have to do is great each other hello and goodbye, there's no need for any of this, is there?"

"Because I want to make an effort," he says, "for my sister and for my best friend." 

"Well," he swallows, "this can help then."

"I don't even know if I want to hear any of this," Louis says quietly, "it's just... what difference would it make now? Years later? It'll just open up a can of worms, don't you think?"

"Or it could help?" Harry says, "you know that we can't always have it be so awkward and tense between us. It'll affect Lottie and Liam and Zayn's new relationship too."

"And you thinking bringing up our past will help _get rid_ of that?" he asks incredulously.

"Yes, I think we have to address the elephant in the room in order to move past it."

Louis gives him a long look. "What makes you think I want to hear any of what you have to say?"

Harry sucks in a breath, throat heavy. "I --- I suppose you wouldn't want to," he mumbles, "but I still need to do this."

"Because you're selfish, that I know," Louis sniffs, shaking his head.

The dig is unexpected and it hits Harry harder than he'd anticipated. 

"I'm sorry about being selfish," he starts anyways. No better place to start then, is there? "I'm sorry for acting so... god, I don't even know, like a dick? I'm sorry for keeping things from you and making you feel like you had to even be jealous of Zayn. You never had to. And I'm so sorry for hurting you. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do, Louis. You deserve better than that."

Louis seems affected at his words, his eyes flashing with emotion and arms crossed over his chest, like he's putting his defenses up but giving in at the same time.  
  
"Part of me feels stupid for coming here, you know?" Louis reveals, sighing, "you just... you came back into my life so suddenly and it's like part of me felt forced to just... stand you because, like, everyone else suddenly loves you," he scoffs, "but there's also a part of me that remembers, even though I was fucking hurt, I learnt a lot from then and I've moved on. I can't hold onto that anger anymore because it's just gonna make me miserable and you're right, I don't deserve that."

Harry nods earnestly. That's bittersweet to hear for many different reasons but the point is that, yes, Louis does deserve better and Harry is glad he realises that and isn't holding onto any sort of anger anymore. "For what it's worth though, I am glad you came and I'm glad you're giving this a chance, whatever this may be. I know I don't really deserve it," he says, looking down almost shamefully. 

"Harry, I think I have to say this again to make it clear to you, " Louis leans forwards, his eyes piercing, "I am only doing this for my sister's and my best friend's sake. If it weren't for our lives overlapping now because of them, I wouldn't be here right now."

Each word hits him slowly, drawing out the pain. He tries not to let it show though. He hardly deserves to feel hurt after what he'd put Louis through. "Noted," he mutters, looking down at his cold food. 

"Look, I'm not saying it to be rude or nasty or anything, I'm just telling

you the truth, okay?" Louis says, eyes still on Harry, even though Harry isn't looking at him anymore. He can't help but feel like his apologies had just gone unheard. Perhaps he deserves that too. 

"It's fine, you're right," Harry says, mustering up the courage to look up at Louis and give him a weak smile, "um, I made peach cobbler, if you'd like some dessert now?"

Louis blinks, probably surprised by the abrupt change of subject. "Um, yeah. Okay. We could have the fruitcake too, if you'd like?"

"Yeah, I'll warm both up," he says, getting up and grabbing both of their plates and walking to the kitchen. He wishes so badly that the kitchen and dining room weren't joined then. He needs a moment alone but would that be selfish too? Maybe. He should probably suck it up, be happy that Louis is here in the first place, even if he does feel like all of this is for nothing if Louis is only doing it to placate his sister and Liam. 

He keeps the thoughts to himself as they chew on the cobbler, though Harry's appetite has gone away by now. As Harry expected, the air is still tense between them, maybe even worse than before. Hes not sure if its because Zayn's advice was wrong or because he went about the whole thing incorrectly. Zayn is never wrong though. It's probably Harry then.

Unsure of what else to say and scared of saying the wrong thing, Harry kept quiet, fiddling with the whipped cream over the dessert. He snaps out of his trance-like state when Louis speaks again.

"Don't you want to have some of that fruitcake I brought?" Louis offers, tone friendly but Harry's mind reels, reminding him that every and anything Louis is doing is essentially just for someone else, that whatever they're doing now is just pretend and he can't, for the life of him, figure out why Louis is just going along with it. It can't just be for his sister and Liam, can it? To the point where he actually agrees to spend Christmas with Harry? That's supposedly for the sake of two other people who aren't even here right now?

"Maybe later," Harry replies in a mumble, "you can have some now if you'd like."

"I'm okay. I have some at home. Besides, I'm stuffed right now. Everything was great, Harry. Thank you," he says, looking nothing but sincere about it. 

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. You should take the duck home--- it's going to sit in the fridge for too otherwise," Harry tells him, giving up on eating his dessert and pushing his bowl aside. 

"Uh, yeah, okay. Thank you, I guess. It's going to feed me properly for the next few days," he chuckles.

Harry offers him a small smile. He doesn't know where they can go from here. Is this it? The next time they see each other is going to be at another big event from either Liam's or Lottie's side? That's what Louis would like, wouldn't he? Despite their uncomfortable meetings so far, Harry still wants to see Louis again. Soon. That makes him sound a bit mad, honestly, but he doesn't really care. He's just missed Louis.

"Are you working until New Years?" Louis asks.

"Um, a meeting with someone on the twenty-eighth but otherwise nothing. Why?" He asks curiously. 

"Well, um, there's actually this Christmas market thing that Lottie mentioned and she said you'd like it so... if you want to, we could go one of the days?" He raises a brow at Harry, waiting for an answer. 

Harry feels like hes getting whiplash, truly. First he makes it clear that he doesn't want to be friends and then offers that up himself after apologising and now, he says that they don't have to be friends, really. just civil because he's only doing all of this for his sister and best friend after all.

"Louis," Harry starts, shaking his head, "I thought--- what are you doing? Do you really want to go that with me or are you just going because you feel like you have to?"

Forced to, is what Louis used earlier. He was suddenly forced to compromise because everyone else in his life apparently liked Harry so he felt obligated to give this a shot. That's basically the gist of it, isn't it?

Louis sighs, shoulders sagging. "Look, I know I'm kind of giving you mixed signals right now about everything but it's just--- this is just hard, okay? And it's weird, it's confusing me. You weren't supposed to come back into my life. I've managed without you--- I've learnt how to live without you and now..."

Harry is consumed with guilt again. He didn't mean to make Louis' life anymore difficult by shoving his way back in, from the looks of it. It must be hard for him, having to face someone that hurt you. 

"Lou," he lets the nickname slip before he can help himself, "it's okay," he says, "you don't have to do anything ---- I get it. Thank you for coming here today though. I appreciate it. I'm, uh, sorry about everything, again," he laughs quietly, humourless. 

He doesn't need Louis' pity nor does he want Louis to feel like Harry is guilt-tripping him or anything so he musters up a smile at him, hoping its believable. He doesn't want that at all. 

By the way Louis' head tilts slightly and eyes shine, hes guessing he wasn't successful in his attempts. 

"I'm sorry too," he surprises Harry, "I haven't been the easiest and I---" he exhales, looking up a Harry, "you know, I loved the food today and I really loved the cupcakes yesterday. They're already finished, by the way."

Harry lets out a surprised laugh. "I gave you twelve, Louis," he shakes his head in amusement, "you've always had a sweet tooth."

For a moment, he wonders if he should apologise again, for saying something so stupid. But again, to his surprise, Louis lets out a small laugh too. 

"You've always made good cupcakes," he shrugs. 

Harry tries not to let the comment get him too excited.

"So, the market?" Louis asks again, "I know this is weird and awkward and stuff but I did mean it when I said that I wanted to make an effort. I don't want things to be like that between us if whenever we'd meet again, whether it's by Lottie or by Liam, because it seems like he's really into Zayn, from what I've seen."

"Zayn really likes him too," Harry confesses, "I really mean it though, we don't have to go to that market or whatever if you don't want to. I know Lottie has been... encouraging you to do stuff with me but we don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable."

"It doesn't," Louis says, "like I said, I know this is weird and it probably isn't going to be easy but," he shrugs, "effort, you know? i think we should both try for your friend at the very least."

"Lottie, Liam and Zayn; _friends_ ," he amends quietly, "I would like to," he says, "but I really don't want to make you uncomfortable, Louis. I understand if you don't wa---"

"It's fine," he cuts Harry off, "I really do want to go, and, um, see things?"

Harry snorts. "You don't even know what this market has, do you?"

"Well, do you?" Louis asks defensively.

"No," Harry grins and they both chuckle a bit. 

This. This is what Harry remembers them to be. He's been craving it for years, a feeling he hasn't felt with anyone else for years.

"I reckon we can tolerate each other," Louis says, "maybe even do the whole the friends thing too who knows?"

"Yeah?" Harry asks, hope blooming in his chest.

"Yeah, like I said, I cant hold onto that shit, can I? I've moved on and so have you, right?"

"Right," he says. In a way, he has, he supposes. Does he still have feelings for Louis? Yes. Has he grown up and moved on in other ways? Yes. So he's technically not lying, is he?

"So, let's just... see what happens then?"

"Okay," the words are out of his mouth before he even knows it. 

"Great. We can meet on the twenty-seventh, then? Eleven in the morning good for you?"

"Yeah, should be fine. Wait--- aren't you working?"

"I am aside from today and the twenty-seventh."

He wants to spend both of the days hes taken off with Harry. Okay. He's probably reading too much into this. 

"Why the twenty-seventh?"

He shrugs. "Just needed a day off and I could only take that one."

"I thought you couldn't get off," Harry states, tilting his head to the side in confusion. 

"I can't. I can only get off on that day other today. I'm working tomorrow and every other day, including New Years day. I wouldn't have been able to go to see mum and them--- I can't, clearly."

Harry hums. "I'm sure they miss you though."

"Yeah, they do," he says confidently. Harry almost rolls his eyes. "Uh, I'm sure yours do too."

Louis wants to know more. Harry knows that tactic. He's always been a little nosy and that evidently hasn't changed. 

"I don't think they do. Gemma does," he replies, "I'll probably call her later today."

"Yeah, how is she?" he asks, thankfully swaying away from the first part of Harry's answer.

"She's okay. She's spending the holidays with her new boyfriend," Harry informs him.

He catches Louis up on what Gemma has been doing and Louis returns the favour, telling him about his on family even though Harry has heard most of it from Lottie herself. It's marginally different from the previous night where they didn't know what to say to each other. Sure, there's still awkward pauses and stuttered sentences, but it is a little better. Could it be viewed as progress? Harry really hopes so. 

Louis leaves by four in the afternoon, claiming he has some important call from his boss that he has to take. Harry isn't sure if he's lying because they're running out of things to say, or if he truly does have an important call from his boss. He doesn't question it though, just smiles and sees Louis out with a short wave. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think so far? Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


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